The Whisper Test
耳語測試
I grew up knowing I was different, and I hated it. I was born with a cleft palate , and when I started to go to school, my classmates—who were constantly teasing—made it clear to me how I must look to others: a little girl with a misshapen lip, crooked nose, lopsided teeth, and hollow and somewhat garbled speech. I couldn't even blow up a balloon without holding my nose, and when I bent to drink from a fountain , the water spilled out of my nose.
成長的過程中，我一直知道自己和別人不一樣，我討厭這樣。我天生唇顎裂，上學後，那些時常取笑我的同學們讓我清楚地看到了別人眼中的自己：一個嘴唇畸形、鼻子扭曲、牙齒歪斜、講話漏風且有些含糊不清的小女孩。要是不捏住鼻子，我甚至連只氣球都吹不起 來。當我俯身從噴嘴式飲水器喝水時，水會從我的鼻孔裡漏出來。
When my schoolmates asked, "What happened to your lip?" I'd tell them that I'd fallen as a baby and cut it on a piece of glass. Somehow it seemed more acceptable to have suffered an accident than to have been born different. By the age of seven I was convinced that no one outside my own family could ever love me, or even like me.
當同學們問起“你的嘴唇怎麼啦？”我會告訴他們我嬰兒時摔了一跤，嘴唇被玻璃片給割豁了。說因意外所致似乎比說先天異樣更容易被人接受。到了七歲，我已經深信，出了家門沒有一個人會愛我，甚至都不會喜歡我。
And then I entered the second grade, and Mrs. Leonard's class. She was round and pretty and fragrant, with shining brown hair and warm dark eyes that smiled even on the rare occasions when her mouth didn't.Everyone adored her. But no one came to love her more than I did.
後來我升入二年級，進了倫納德夫人的班。她身材豐滿，長相靚麗，渾身散發著芳香，還有著一頭亮澤的棕發和一雙熱情的黑眼睛。即便是偶爾嘴上不笑的時候，她那雙眼睛裡也會流露出微笑。每個人都喜歡她，但沒人比我更愛她。
The time came for the annual "hearing tests" given at our school. I was barely able to hear anything out of one ear, and was not about to reveal yet another problem that would single me out as different. And so I cheated. I had learned to watch other children and raised my hand when they did during group testing. The "whisper test" however, required a different kind of deception : Each child would go to the door of the classroom, turn sideways, close one ear with a finger, and the teacher would whisper something from her desk, which the child would repeat. Then the same thing was done for the other ear. I had discovered in kindergarten that nobody checked to see how tightly the untested ear was being covered, so I merely pretended to block mine. As usual, I was last, but all through the testing I wondered what Mrs. Leonard might say to me. I knew from previous years that she whispered things like "The sky is blue" or "Do you have new shoes?"
學校一年一度的“耳語測試”時間到了。我有一隻耳朵幾乎聽不見任何聲音，但我不打算暴露又一個會使自己被歸為異類的問題。所以我作弊了。在集體測試中，我學會了觀察其他孩子的動作，當他們舉手時，我也跟著舉起手。然而“耳語測試”卻需要另一種完全不同的騙術：每個孩子都要走到教室門口，側過身，用手指堵住一隻耳朵，然後老師在她桌子的位置輕聲細語，再讓孩子複述。另一隻耳朵也要同樣來一遍。早在上幼兒園的時候，我就發現其實沒有人會檢查你該捂住的那隻耳朵捂得有多嚴實，因此我只是假裝堵住了自己的耳朵。和往常一樣，我是最後一個。但在整個測試期間我都在琢磨倫納德夫人可能會對我說些什麼。我打探到前幾年她低語的都是“天空是藍色的”或者“你有新鞋子麼？”之類的話。
My turn came up. I turned my bad ear to her plugging up the other solidly with my finger, then gently backed my finger out enough to be able to hear. I waited and then heard the words that changed my life forever. Mrs. Leonard, the pretty, fragrant teacher I adored, said softly, "I wish you were my little girl."
輪到我了。我將聽力不好的那隻耳朵轉向她，同時用手指緊緊塞住了另一隻耳朵，之後又悄悄把手指頭向外放開了一些，足夠能聽清聲音。我等著，然後聽到了改變我一生的一句話。倫納德夫人，這位我所熱愛的美麗的、芳香的老師輕輕地對我說：“真希望你是我的小女兒。”
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