My Retainer Has Me Bent out of Shape
牙套，你把我氣瘋了
Dear Retainers,
親愛的牙套：
Why are you torturing me? I thought you were supposed to be keeping my teeth straight with the benefit of no braces ! Yet I wake up every morning to see that my overbite is slowly coming back and the rows of teeth aren't aligned . Do you have any idea what I went through to get you? Now I don't think you're even helping me anymore.
你為什麼要折磨我？你原本以為你可以讓我的牙不用牙箍就能豎直整齊了！可是我每天早上醒來卻只看到我牙齒的覆咬合部分在慢慢變回老樣子，而上下兩排牙卻仍然對不齊。你可知道我花了多大工夫才把你裝上？可現在，我覺得你對我半點用處都沒有。
First of all, I wasted two precious years of my life waiting for your arrival. Those braces were murder on my teeth. You didn't experience the pain I had to go through! Almost every week, I replaced my old wires, got a tighter one with a chain of rubber bands, and an additional two rubber bands to fix my overbite. By getting braces, I had the "wonderful" opportunity to choose from a wide variety of soups. The categories stretched from tomato soup to clam chowder to delicious mushroom soup. For two years, 104 weeks, 728 days, soup became more than 90 percent of my diet. What do I have to show for my sacrifice? The object in repayment for my hurt is a hunk of plastic that doesn't really aid me in any way.
首先，為了等待你的到來，我浪費了兩年的寶貴時間。在那兩年裡，那些牙箍簡直快殺了我的牙。你肯定沒嘗過那些我不得不忍受的痛苦吧。幾乎是每週，我都要用帶有橡膠圈的更緊的鋼絲來換掉舊的，同時要用另外兩條橡皮圈來修正我的牙齒覆咬合部分。戴牙箍使我有了“難得”的機會來品嚐各種湯。我喝過的湯品種齊全——從西紅柿湯到蛤雜燴湯再到鮮美的蘑菇湯都有。兩年，一百零四周，七百二十八天！我百分之九十的食物都是湯。我做出的犧牲難道還不夠嗎？ 可我這些痛苦付出所換來的回報又是什麼？僅僅是一大塊對我沒有任何幫助的塑料。
I will admit that you kept my teeth in order for a few months. However, recently I think you're snoozing on the job. After brushing my teeth and slipping you on, I see that you don't even fit correctly over my teeth anymore. During some nights, you don't even stay on the whole time. I wake up some days and feel nothing in my mouth. Then I have to take more time to thoroughly search my bed to see where you've hidden yourself. Do you realize how frustrated I am?
是的，我承認，你是讓我的牙齒規矩了幾個月。但在最近，我懷疑你是不是在上班時間打盹兒了。每次刷牙後把你放進去，我都發現你甚至和我的牙齒一點都不吻合了。有些晚上，你甚至不能堅守崗 位。許多次早上醒來時，我都發現嘴裡空空如也，然後就需要花更多的時間把床上搜個遍，看你到底躲在哪兒了。你知道那個時候，我有多受挫嗎？
Don't even get me started on how you affect my language. If I were to say this sentence: "Can you pass me the bottle of water?" it would come out sounding like, "Ken you peth me the ball of wudu?" Now I don't even attempt saying words like rewind, reconnect, replay or anything else that starts with "re". In general, you steal my ability to talk efficiently. In math class, I stand up in front of the students trying to explain a math equation , but do you know what comes out of my mouth? It's just a string of mumbled words and I have to use all my strength enunciating the repeated explanation. The ridicule I get from my friends is almost unbearable. My ears practically ache when I hear them mimicking my incorrect pronunciation. I can't stand it anymore!
更不要讓我提你有多影響我說話。比如我想說：“請您把那瓶水遞給我好嗎？”結果聽起來就會像“欺你扒那噴雪吉給我好嗎？”我現在都不想嘗試說像“重繞”“重連接”“重放”之類的以“重”開頭的詞了。總之，你讓我說話變得不再流利。數學課上，我想在同學們面前解釋一個數學方程式，但你知道從我嘴裡說出來的是什麼嗎？是一串含糊不清的詞語，而我需要用盡吃奶的力氣去清楚發音並重復解釋。朋友們對我的嘲笑簡直讓我無法忍受。每次聽到他們模仿我不準確的發 音，我都覺得特別刺耳。我再也受不了了！
You better shape up or I'll have to take action. I won't allow this kind of insolence anymore. I wash you, clean you and take care of you, yet this is how you repay me? I don't understand why it's so difficult for you to do something for me in return. If this continues, I'll be forced to replace you with something better.
你最好規矩些，不然我可要收拾你了。我不能再容忍這種傲慢無禮的行為了。我洗刷、清理、照顧你，而你就這麼來回報我？真不明白，為什麼讓你做些事情回報我會這麼難。如果你繼續頑固不化，我就只好用更好的東西來取代你了。
Wanting some changes.
望你有所改變。
Hana
哈娜
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