Monica: There's nothing to tell! He's just some guy I work with! 没什么好说的！他不过是我的同事！
Joey: Come on, you're going out with the guy! There's gotta be something wrong with him! 少来了，你和那个人一起出去！拜托，和你交往的男人一定有问题！
Chandler: All right Joey, be nice. So does he have a hump? A hump and a hairpiece? 打住，乔伊，嘴下留德。他驼背？既驼背又带假发？
Phoebe: Wait, does he eat chalk? 慢着，他吃粉笔吗？
(They all stare, bemused (困惑).)
Phoebe: Just, 'cause, I don't want her to go through what I went through with Carl- oh! 我只是不想你重蹈我和卡尔的覆辙。
Monica: Okay, everybody relax. This is not even a date. It's just two people going out to dinner and- not having sex. 各位别急，这不算约会。我们不过是出去吃晚餐，而且不做爱。
Chandler: Sounds like a date to me. 听起来好像是说我的约会。
[Time Lapse]
Chandler: Alright, so I'm back in high school, I'm standing in the middle of the cafeteria, and I realize I am totally naked. 记得中学时代的梦，我站在自助餐厅，突然发现自己全身赤裸。
All: Oh, yeah. Had that dream. 我做过那样的梦。
Chandler: Then I look down, and I realize there's a phone... there. 我低头一看，看见有一支电话……在那儿。
Joey: Instead of...? 而不是……？
Chandler: That's right. 没错。
Joey: Never had that dream.
Phoebe: No.
Chandler: All of a sudden 突然, the phone starts to ring. Now I don't know what to do, everybody starts looking at me.
Monica: And they weren't looking at you before?!
Chandler: Finally, I figure I'd better answer it, and it turns out it's my mother, which is very-very weird, because- she never calls me! 终于，我认为我应该接，结果是我妈打来，我感到很奇怪，因为我妈不曾打过电话给我！
[Time Lapse, Ross has entered.]
Ross: (mortified，屈辱的，很颓的声音) Hi.
Joey: This guy says hello, I wanna kill myself.
Monica: Are you okay, sweetie?
Ross: I just feel like someone reached down my throat, grabbed my small intestine, pulled it out of my mouth and tied it around my neck... 我感觉有人把手伸入我的喉咙，抓起我的肠子，从我的口中取出，然后绑在我脖上……
Chandler: Cookie?
Monica: (explaining to the others) Carol moved her stuff out today. 卡罗今天把她的东西搬走了。
Joey: Ohh.
Monica: (to Ross) Let me get you some coffee.
Ross: Thanks.
Phoebe: Ooh! Oh! (She starts to pluck at the air just in front of Ross.)
Ross: No, no don't! Stop cleansing my aura（灵气）! No, just leave my aura alone, okay?
Phoebe: Fine! Be murky! 好吧，保持晦气！
Ross: I'll be fine, alright? Really, everyone. I hope she'll be very happy. 我会没事的，真的，我祝她幸福。
Monica: No you don't.
Ross: No I don't, to hell with her, she left me! 我不会的，去她的，她甩掉我！
Joey: And you never knew she was a lesbian（同性恋）...
Ross: No!! Okay?! Why does everyone keep fixating on that? She didn't know, how should I know? 没有！！行了吧？！为何大家都围着这个话题打转？连她不知道，我怎会知道。
Chandler: Sometimes I wish I was a lesbian... (They all stare at him.) Did I say that out loud?
Ross: I told mom and dad last night, they seemed to take it pretty well.昨晚我告诉我父母，他们好像还挺好。
Monica: Oh really, so that hysterical phone call I got from a woman at sobbing 3:00 A.M., "I'll never have grandchildren, I'll never have grandchildren." was what? A wrong number? 真的吗，凌晨三点我接到一个电话，一个女人歇斯底里的向我哭诉，“我不能抱孙子了，我不能抱孙子了。”那是什么？打错了？
Ross: Sorry.
Joey: Alright Ross, look. You're feeling a lot of pain right now. You're angry. You're hurting. Can I tell you what the answer is?
(Ross gestures his consent.)
Joey: Strip joint! C'mon, you're single! Have some hormones! 脱衣舞酒店。你单身，有需求。
Ross: I don't want to be single, okay? I just... I just- I just wanna be married again!
(Rachel enters in a wet wedding dress and starts to search the room.)
Chandler: And I just want a million dollars! (He extends his hand hopefully.)
Monica: Rachel?!
Rachel: Oh God Monica hi! Thank God! I just went to your building and you weren't there and then this guy with a big hammer （榔头）said you might be here and you are, you are!
Waitress: Can I get you some coffee?
Monica: (pointing at Rachel) De-caff（无咖啡因）. (to All) Okay, everybody, this is Rachel, another Lincoln High survivor.另一位从林肯高中生存下来的人 (to Rachel) This is everybody, this is Chandler, and Phoebe, and Joey, and- you remember my brother Ross?
Rachel: Hi, sure!
Ross: Hi.
(They go to hug but Ross's umbrella opens. He sits back down defeated again. A moment of silence follows as Rachel sits and the others expect her to explain.)
Monica: So you wanna tell us now, or are we waiting for four wet bridesmaids（伴娘）?
Rachel: Oh God... well, it started about a half hour before the wedding. I was in the room where we were keeping all the presents, and I was looking at this gravy boat. This really gorgeous Lamauge gravy boat. When all of a sudden- (to the waitress that brought her coffee) Sweet 'n' Lo?- I realized that I was more turned on by this gravy boat than by Barry! And then I got really freaked out, and that's when it hit me: how much Barry looks like Mr. Potato Head. Y'know, I mean, I always knew looked familiar, but... Anyway, I just had to get out of there, and I started wondering 'Why am I doing this, and who am I doing this for?'. (to Monica) So anyway I just didn't know where to go, and I know that you and I have kinda drifted apart, but you're the only person I knew who lived here in the city.
婚礼前半个小时发生了变数。我在堆放礼物的房间里，看着船形卤肉盘，非常漂亮的船形卤肉盘，突然间……（有没有代糖？）我了解船形卤肉盘此巴瑞更能引起我的“性趣”，我自己都吓了一跳，巴瑞愈看愈像猪头先生。我一直都认为他很眼熟。总之,我必须离开。我开始想，我为何这么做？我为谁这样做？于是我不知该走往何处，我知道你我日渐疏远。但是你是我在这个城市，认识的唯一一个人。
Monica: Who wasn't invited to the wedding. 而我没被邀请
Rachel: Ooh, I was kinda hoping that wouldn't be an issue... 这件事就甭提啦。
[Scene: Monica's Apartment, everyone is there and watching a Spanish Soap on TV and are trying to figure out what is going on.]
Monica: Now I'm guessing that he bought her the big pipe organ, and she's really not happy about it. 我猜他送她一台管风琴，她肯定不喜欢
Chandler: (imitating the characters) Tuna or egg salad? Decide! 金枪鱼还是鸡蛋沙拉？快决定！
Ross: (in a deep voice) I'll have whatever Christine is having. 我要拥有克莉丝汀拥有的一切。
Rachel: (on phone) Daddy, I just... I can't marry him! I'm sorry. I just don't love him. Well, it matters to me! 对，是我的问题！
(The scene on TV has changed to show two women, one is holding her hair.)
Phoebe: If I let go of my hair, my head will fall off. 如果我没了头发，还不如去死。
Chandler: (re TV) Ooh, she should not be wearing those pants.
Joey: I say push her down the stairs.
Phoebe, Ross, Chandler, and Joey: Push her down the stairs! Push her down the stairs! Push her down the stairs!
(She is pushed down the stairs and everyone cheers.)
Rachel: C'mon Daddy, listen to me! It's like, it's like, all of my life, everyone has always told me, 'You're a shoe! You're a shoe, you're a shoe, you're a shoe!'. And today I just stopped and I said, 'What if（要是） I don't wanna be a shoe? What if I wanna be a- a purse, y'know? Or a- or a hat! No, I'm not saying I want you to buy me a hat, I'm saying I am a ha- It's a metaphor（比喻）, Daddy!
Ross: You can see where he'd have trouble. 你看他也有些问题。
Rachel: Look Daddy, it's my life. Well maybe I'll just stay here with Monica.
Monica: Well, I guess we've established who's staying here with Monica...我想我们已确定好谁要和莫妮卡住在这儿。
Rachel: Well, maybe that's my decision. Well, maybe I don't need your money. Wait!! Wait, I said maybe!! 或许那是我的决定。或许我不希罕你的钱。等一下，等一下……我说的是或许！！
閱讀更多 打油者說 的文章
