BURBANK, CA—As studios continue to delay the theatrical runs of major films due to the global Covid-19 pandemic, Walt Disney Pictures announced plans Tuesday to release the highly anticipated live-action remake of Mulan directly into the consciousness of every American. “In the interests of encouraging film viewers to be safe, we have chosen to skip theaters altogether and instead reach audiences by transmitting this epic tale of a legendary warrior who risks everything for her family into the minds of all current U.S. residents,” said Disney Bob Chapek, encouraging the 330 million domestic viewers of Mulan to reduce transmission of the coronavirus by staying home, where regions of their brain vital to memory formation and linguistic processing would be hijacked to deliver a dazzling, unforgettable cinematic experience. “Fans who were disappointed to hear of the film’s delayed release will be relieved to know that on Apr. 17 at 6 p.m., their visual and auditory cortices will be overwhelmed with impressions of Liu Yifei portraying a fearless young woman who disguises herself as a man to fight for her country in her father’s stead. Our Imagineers have ensured this mostly radiation-based procedure will allow one’s sensation of self to fade away completely until their entire experience of reality becomes Mulan. We’re certain that having every detail of this movie vividly and permanently etched into your long-term memory will be well worth the temporary loss of motor function, moderate risk of intracranial aneurysm, and mandatory charge of $14.99.” Hillman went on to confirm that Disney would be streaming the 1998 animated version of Mulan on a continuous loop in the dreams of each American for two weeks prior to the new film’s release.
美国加利福尼亚州伯班克——由于全球新型冠状病毒肺炎大流行，电影公司继续推迟主要电影的上映时间，华特迪士尼影片周二宣布，计划将备受期待的真人版《花木兰》重拍版直接放映到每个美国人的脑海中。 “为了保护观众的安全，我们选择完全跳过电影院，而是通过传播这个传奇战士为了家人冒险的史诗故事来影响观众，”迪士尼的 bob chapek 说，他鼓励3.3亿国内观众呆在家里减少冠状病毒的传播，他们大脑中对记忆形成和语言处理至关重要的区域将被劫持，从而带来一次令人眼花缭乱、难忘的电影体验。 「影迷们对影片延迟上映感到失望，但他们知道，4月17日下午6点，他们的视觉和听觉皮层将被刘亦菲的形象所淹没，刘亦菲扮演一个勇敢的年轻女子，假扮成男人，代替父亲为祖国而战。」。 我们的成像仪已经确保这个大部分基于辐射的程序将使一个人的自我感觉完全消失，直到他们对现实的整个体验变成木兰。 我们确信，将这部电影的每一个细节栩栩如生地永久铭刻在你的长期记忆中，值得你暂时丧失运动功能、适度的脑内的动脉瘤风险和14.99美元的强制性费用。” 希尔曼继续确认，迪士尼将在新电影上映前两周，在每个美国人的梦中不断循环播放1998年版的动画版木兰。
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