Four Attachment Styles
四種依戀類型
What is your interpersonal attachment style, and how might it affect your relationship? Based on the works of Bartholomew and Horowitz, etc., there are four adult attachment styles: Secure, Anxious-Preoccupied, Dismissive-Avoidant, and Fearful-Avoidant. Most people have various degrees of the four attachment styles, which may change over time.
你的人際關係依戀類型是哪種？它對你的感情可能有何影響？根據 Bartholomew 和 Horowitz 等人的理論，一共有4種成人依戀類型：安全型、焦慮-痴迷型、不屑-迴避型、恐懼-迴避型。大多數人都表現出不同程度的上述四種依戀類型，而且可能會隨著時間而變化。
Attachment theory provides us with a specific lens to see the effects of childhood treatment on our development, specifically on what are called our “mental models” of relationships, as well as our ability to manage emotions. For most of us laypeople, the words “mental model” may seem very abstract but the truth is that the way they function is more literal than not. These are unconscious assumptions about people and relationships which are first learned in childhood and which may never even be consciously articulated; they have the power, nonetheless, to inform our thinking, our behaviors, and our thoughts long into adulthood.
依戀理論為我們提供了一個特定的視角，讓我們能夠看到童年經歷對我們的發展，尤其是對感情的“思維模式”以及我們的情緒管理能力的影響。對於我們大多數非專業者來說，“思維模式”看起來可能非常抽象，但事實是，它的工作原理正如該詞本身一樣。
這些是我們在童年時期最初習得的、潛意識裡對人與感情關係的一些假設，而且我們可能從未想到去將這些假設表達出來。但他們卻能夠在我們成年之後，也長期潛移默化影響著我們的思維，我們的行為以及我們的想法。 1. The secure attachment style/安全依戀型
特徵
Those with a strong Secure Attachment Style manifest at least a number of the following traits on a regular basis:
安全依戀類型至少經常表現出以下其中一些特點：
- Higher emotional intelligence. Capable of conveying emotions appropriately and constructively.
- 更高的情商：能夠以妥當、有建設性的方式表達情緒。
- Capable of sending, and receiving healthy expressions of intimacy.
- 能夠給予並接收健康的親密感表達方式。
- Capable of drawing healthy, appropriate and reasonable boundaries when required.
- 能夠設立健康、妥當且合理的界限。
- Feel secure being alone as well as with a companion.
- 不管是個人獨處或是有人陪伴，都感到安全。
- Tend to have a positive view of relationships and personal interactions.
- 對感情關係和人際互動往往持積極看法。
- More likely to handle interpersonal difficulties in stride. Discuss issues to solve problems, rather than to attack a person.
- 能夠更輕鬆地處理人際關係中的問題。會通過討論的方式去解決問題，而非通過攻擊他人的方式。
- Resiliency in the face relational dissolution. Capable of grieving, learning, and moving on.
- 當感情結束時，會很快恢復。會悲痛、學習，然後繼續前行。
People with the Secure Attachment Style are not perfect. They too have ups and downs like everyone else, and can become upset if provoked. Having said this, their overall mature approach to relationships makes this the healthiest of the four adult attachment styles.
健康依戀類型之人並非完美，他們也像其他所有人一樣有起有伏，而且被激怒後也會生氣。雖然如此，得益於他們對感情關係整體上的成熟處理方式，這一依戀類型就成為四種成人依戀類型中最健康的一種。
The child who is reliably supported, whose primary caretaker responds easily and consistently to his or her cues, who learns about comfort when stressed, and is taught to manage her or his emotions tend to develop a secure style of attachment. This child’s working models of relationship are positive, and the emerging vision of the world of relationship is one in which people can be trusted and depended on, and be seen as sources of joy and caring. This secure base allows the child to develop into an individual who seeks out emotional connection, has a strong sense of self, and is capable of dealing with negative emotions. This isn’t to say that the adult with a secure attachment won’t experience heartbreak or pain, of course, but it does mean that he or she has the coping mechanisms to deal.
如果一個孩子曾得到可靠的支持、主要看護人會隨時且一直回應她/他的需求，當有壓力時會得到安慰，而且曾被教導如何管控個人情緒，那麼她/他就會形成安全的依戀類型。
這類孩子的感情關係的工作模式是積極的，而且在他們對感情的所萌生的概念是：兩人可以被信任、被依賴，會是彼此快樂的源泉，會關愛彼此。這一安全基礎會讓孩子成長為一個追求情感共鳴、有強烈自我意識、有能力處理負面情緒的成人。當然，這並不是說安全依戀類型的人不會經歷心碎或痛苦，但面對這些，他們會有相應的應對機制。
The face of insecurity/不安全依戀類型
And then there are those who grow up not having their emotional needs met, or met unreliably and inconsistently, each of which can yield a different style of insecure attachment in contrast to the secure attachment already described.
那麼，還有的人在成長過程中情感需求未被滿足、或並沒有以可靠和持續的方式被滿足。這其中每種情形都會導致一種不同的不安全依戀類型。
2. Anxious-preoccupied/焦慮-痴迷型
The first is anxious-preoccupied, which is associated with inconsistent attention and attunement. People with this kind of attachment style may have mothers who sometimes show up and sometimes don’t, sometimes listen and sometimes ignore them. As adults, these individuals may be highly driven to get validation and support but, at the same time, be super-sensitive to slights and rejection. This makes them emotionally very volatile because when they sense rejection, they strike back. Their vision of the world is highly colored as a result, and they’re likely to misread cues and over-react under many different circumstances and in all manner of relationships.
第一種是焦慮-痴迷型，這與不持續的關注度和回應度有關。
表現出這種依戀類型的人在童年時期，他們的母親可能有時出現，有時不出現；有時傾聽，有時忽視他們。成年後，這些人可能會高度追求肯定和支持，但同時又對拒絕和輕蔑高度敏感。這就導致他們情緒極度波動，因為當他們覺察到被拒絕的跡象時，他們會反擊。因此，他們對這個世界的看法是受到強烈影響的，而且他們在很多不同情形下，以及在所有感情關係中，都很可能會錯誤詮釋某種跡象，並且過度反應。
特徵
Those with a strong Anxious-Preoccupied Attachment Style tend to manifest at least several of the following traits on a regular basis:
焦慮-痴迷型依戀類型常常會表現出至少以下一些特點：
- Inclined to feel more nervous and less secure about relationships in general, and romantic relationships in particular.
- 通常會對感情關係，尤其是戀情關係感到更緊張，而且安全感較低。
- Inclined to have many stressors in relationships based on both real and imagined happenings. These stressors can manifest themselves through a variety of possible issues such as neediness, possessiveness, jealousy, control, mood swings, oversensitivity, obsessiveness, etc.
- 在感情中，通常會有很多壓力源，而且這些壓力源基於真實或假想事件。這些壓力源可能會通過多種問題表現出來：過度需求、佔有慾、嫉妒、控制慾、情緒波動、過於敏感、偏執等。
- Reluctant to give people the benefit of the doubt, tendency for automatic negative thinking when interpreting others’ intentions, words, and actions.
- 不大會“疑罪從無”，當解讀別人的本意、語句或行為時，易於陷入自動負面思維模式。
- Requires constant stroking of love and validation to feel secure and accepted. Responds negatively when not provided with regular positive reinforcement.
- 需要持續不斷的愛和肯定才能讓自己感到安全和被認可。如果沒有經常獲得這些正強化，會做出負面反應。
- Drama oriented. Constantly working on (sometimes inventing) relationship issues in order to seek validation, reassurance, and acceptance. Some feel more comfortable with stormy relationships than calm and peaceful ones.
- 易於戲劇化：不斷在處理（有時創造）感情問題，目的是為了獲得肯定、保證和認可。有時相對於平靜的感情，他們更習慣暴風驟雨般激盪波動的感情。
- Dislike being without company. Struggle being by oneself.
- 不喜歡沒人陪伴。不擅於獨處
- History of emotionally turbulent relationships.
- 之前也曾有情緒上而言激盪猛烈的感情關係。
思維模式
What are the mental models that affect this style of attachment?
影響這種依戀類型的思維模式是什麼呢？
- Assuming that you must always be watchful because relationships aren’t stable
- 你認為你必須始終保持警惕密切注意，因為感情關係並不穩固。
- Never completely trusting anyone’s motives or statements
- 從來不會完全信任任何人的動機或言辭。
- Needing constant validation and reassurance from friends and romantic partners需要來自朋友或戀人的持續肯定和保證。
- Believing that you are never safe, no matter what
- 無論如何，從來都不相信自己處於安全境地
And then there are adults whose emotional needs weren’t met ever, or who were actively marginalized or ignored. They can develop an avoidant style of which there are two types, which are actually quite different.
還有一些成年人，他們童年時的需求從未被滿足過，或曾被刻意邊緣化或無視。他們會形成一種迴避型依戀類型，這其中也分為兩種不同類型：
3. Dismissive-avoidant/不屑-迴避型
People with this style of attachment often have a high opinion of themselves and a low opinion of others. They pride themselves on being more independent than other people and are more comfortable with superficial relationships than ones which involve real intimacy. This isn’t to say that they don’t like being in relationships; they do, but only on their terms and if they can call the shots. They don’t worry about their relationships too much, and they are quick to rebound when a relationship ends.
該類型人群通常自視甚高，輕視他人。他們很自豪自己能比他人更獨立，而且相對於真正親密的感情，他們更喜歡膚淺的感情關係。這並不是說他們不喜歡感情關係，他們喜歡，但只能按照他們的規矩來，而且讓他們做主。他們並不過多擔心自己的感情關心，當一段感情關係結束後，他們會很快恢復。
特徵
Those with a strong Dismissive-Avoidant Attachment Style tend to manifest at least several of the following traits on a regular basis:
不屑-迴避式依戀類型通常會至少表現出以下一些特徵：
- Highly self-directed and self-sufficient. Independent behaviorally and emotionally.
- 高度自主、自足。無論行為上和情緒上都很獨立。
- Avoid true intimacy which makes one vulnerable, and may subject the Dismissive-Avoidant to emotional obligations.
- 會避免真正親密的關係，因為這會讓一個人變得脆弱，而且會讓這些不屑-迴避者承受一些情感義務。
- Desire freedom physically and emotionally (“No one puts a collar on me.” Pushes away those who get too close (“I need room to breathe.”)
- 渴望身體和情感上的自由（“沒有人可以束縛我”推開一些離自己過近之人（“我需要呼吸的空間”）。）
- Other priorities in life often supersede a romantic relationship, such as work, social life, personal projects and passions, travel, fun, etc. In these situations, the partner is frequently excluded, or holds only a marginal presence.
- 生命中的其他事項在通常比戀情佔有更優先地位，比如工作、社交生活、個人計劃和愛好、旅遊、快樂等。在這些情形中，伴侶通常會被排斥在外，或僅有無足輕重的位置。
- Many have commitment issues. Some prefer to be single than to settle down. Even in committed relationships, they prize autonomy above much else.
- 很多人不願給與承諾。一些人寧願單身，也不願安頓成家。即使在正式戀情中，他們也會高度珍視“自主性”。
- May have many acquaintances, but few truly close relationships.
- 可能會有很多“熟人”，但幾乎沒有真正親密的關係。
- Some may be passive-aggressive and/or narcissistic.
- 一些人可能會屬於被動攻擊類型和/或自戀類型。
思維模式
What are the mental models that affect this style of attachment?
影響這類依戀類型的思維模式：
- Believing that emotional needs are a sign of weakness in yourself and others
- 認為不管對他人或自身而言，情感需求都是脆弱的一種標誌。
- Dealing with negative emotions by pushing off from them or exiting the situation
- 通過推開或撤退的方式，處理負面情緒。
- Disdain for others and reduced empathy or lack of it
- 對他人不屑，而且同理心較少，或沒有。
- Disconnection from those you are supposed to be close to
- 疏遠那些理應和你很親近的人。
- Disinclination to pay attention to other people’s cues or to plumb other’s motivations
- 不願關注別人所發出的暗示，不願意探究別人的動機。
4. Fearful-avoidant/恐懼-迴避型
Second up is the fearful-avoidant adult. While this person may have been deprived of love and attention and support in childhood, that did nothing to abate her or his need, unlike the dismissive-avoidant. If the dismissive-avoidant seems cool as a cucumber on the surface, while hiding shame and other feelings below, the fearful-avoidant is in a very different place. He or she often has a low opinion of self but a high opinion of others; this adult is always waiting for someone to finally pay attention. In some ways, this is the worst of all possible worlds because this adult really wants connection but he or she is always fearful of rejection, and holds back in situations that could yield real results.
另外一種是恐懼-迴避型。儘管這類人童年時期可能沒有獲得愛、關注和支持，但與不屑-迴避型的人不同，這並沒有減少她/他的需求。如果說不屑-迴避型的人表面上看特別冷靜，但將羞恥感或其他感情深埋內心；那麼恐懼-迴避型的人則完全不同。他們通常輕視自己，仰慕他人。他們總是在等待某個人最終關注他們。某種意義上而言，這是最糟糕的，因為這類人真的很想要緊密的感情關係，但卻總是害怕被拒絕，因此在一些會有潛在成功可能性的場合中，會選擇退縮。
特徵
Those with a strong Fearful-Avoidant Attachment Style tend to manifest at least several of the following traits on a regular basis:
恐懼-迴避依戀類型通常會表現出至少以下一些特徵：
- Often associated with highly challenging life experiences such as grief, abandonment and abuse.
- 通常與一些高度負面的生活經歷相關，如悲痛、被拋棄、虐待等。
- Desire but simultaneously resist intimacy. Much inner conflict.
- 渴求，但同時又拒絕親密關係。有強烈內心衝突。
- Struggle with having confidence in and relying on others.
- 難以信任、依賴他人。
- Fear annihilation, physically and/or emotionally in loving, intimate situations.
- 在充滿愛和親密感的情形下，恐懼自己被湮滅（失去自我），無論是從身體上或是從情感上。
- Similar to the Anxious-Preoccupied Style, suspicious of others’ intentions, words, and actions.
- 與焦慮-痴迷型依戀關係一樣，也會懷疑他人的本意、語句和行為。
- Similar to the Dismissive-Avoidant Style, pushes people away and have few genuinely close relationships.
- 與不屑-迴避型 依戀關係一樣，會將人推開，而且幾乎沒有真正親密的關係。
思維模式
What are the mental models that affect this style of attachment?
這種情感類型受到哪些思維模式的影響？
- A desire for relationship along with a paralyzing fear that it will result in emotional pain
- 渴求感情關係，但同時又十分害怕情感上會受傷。
- Extreme ambivalence in a relationship and a pattern of getting close and moving away
- 在一段感情中極度矛盾，處於若即若離模式中。
- Behaviors that are triggered by emotional overload and appear impulsive
- 表現出一些因情感過載而觸發的行為，並且顯得很衝動。
What research shows
研究發現
There are many studies and papers, and I will just mention a few. One fascinating paper examined infidelity and its relationship to attachment style across eight separate studies. The researchers discovered that the propensity to cheat was marked among those with a dismissive-avoidant style, and they isolated a number of reasons. Most people are motivated by a desire for intimacy and closeness with a partner which tends to put the brakes on cheating and keeps many of us from acting on our impulses. But the dismissive-avoidant isn’t looking for proximity or commitment, and infidelity effectively kills two birds with one stone, providing the needed distance from the current partner and underscoring his or her free agency.
有很多相關研究和論文，我會提及其中一小部分。一篇非常有意思的論文基於8項獨立開展的研究活動，探討了出軌與依戀類型之間的關係。研究人員發現，不屑-迴避型人群中，出軌傾向最顯著，而且研究人員界定了很多原因。大多數人追求與伴侶之間的親密親近關係，這往往會對出軌行為踩下剎車，避免我們衝動行事。
但不屑-迴避型人群並不追求親密或承諾，而且出軌行為簡直就是一石二鳥，既可以與當前伴侶之間保持距離，同時又可以強化自己的自由主觀能動性。Another study, this one conducted by Irish researchers, not surprisingly found that people with a secure attachment style were more satisfied in their relationships than their avoidant counterparts, with fearful-avoidants being the least satisfied. That said, they were surprised by how many dismissive-avoidants were actually involved in relationships; they suggested that perhaps they were drawn to partners who had the same attachment style or perhaps remained independent despite the apparent trappings of the relationship.
另一項研究由愛爾蘭研究人員開展，並不令人意外，研究發現，安全依戀類型人群對自己感情關係的滿意度要高於迴避依戀型人群，其中恐懼-迴避型人群滿意度最低。儘管如此，處於感情關係中的不屑-迴避依戀型人群的數量令他們感到驚訝。他們認為，可能是他們受到相同依戀類型之人的吸引，或儘管處於感情關係中，可能也繼續保持著獨立。
In broad terms, insecure attachment styles are associated with a host of mental issues and disorders.
整體而言，不安全依戀類型與多種精神問題和障礙有關。
Insecure attachment and narcissism
不安全依戀類型與自戀
Yes, narcissism is the little black dress of pop psychology but there actually are connections to styles of attachment. Not surprisingly, securely attached people tend to land in the middle of the narcissistic spectrum with healthy self-regard along with emotional management skills. (For more on how there’s healthy narcissism and a spectrum, see Craig Malkin’s book Rethinking Narcissism.)
是的，自戀就像是現代心理學界的經典小黑裙，但實際上它與依戀類型的確存在關係。並不令人意外，安全依戀型人群擁有健康的自我意識以及情緒管理技巧,在自戀譜中處於中部位置（想要進一步瞭解為什麼說存在健康的自戀以及自戀譜，請參見 Craig Malkin 的著作《Rethinking Narcissism》）
It won’t surprise you that the dismissive-avoidant style is the one usually associated with the grandiose kind of narcissism—yes, the person who projects all kinds of confidence, is good at snowing you, knows the moves to flash and wow. And who has a high opinion of her or himself and a low opinion of others, and all of the above. Not everyone who is dismissive-avoidant is high in narcissistic traits but the grandiose narcissists which form our stereotype often are. (There is, by the way, some disagreement. A paper by Joshua D. Miller and others took a different position, finding that insecure attachment wasn’t positively associated with grandiose narcissism at all.)
應該如你所料，不屑-迴避依戀類型通常與浮誇型的自戀相關——是的，那種散發著種種自信，很善於欺騙，知道如何亮瞎別人的鈦合金狗眼，或自視甚高，輕視他人，也或者上述特徵皆有之人。並非所有不屑-迴避型人群都具有高度的自戀特徵，但那種我們一提到自戀就會想到的浮誇型自戀者卻的確如此。（順便說一下，在這一方面是有不同意見的。Joshua D. Miller和其他人一些的論文持有不同觀點，認為不安全依戀類型與浮誇型自戀並無正向關聯。）
But being high in narcissistic traits doesn’t always present as the grandiose, flash-and-dance type; there’s also the introverted narcissist, the term Malkin prefers, which is also known as “covert,” “vulnerable,” or “hypersensitive” in the literature. As Malkin writes, introverted narcissists are “just as convinced that they are better than others as any other narcissist, but they fear criticism so viscerally that they shy away from, and even seem panicked by, people and attention.” This may seem initially confusing since those lacking in healthy self-regard—those labeled “echoists" by Malkin—also tend to duck under the radar, but the introverted narcissist is different. Which style of insecure attachment is likely to be displayed by the introverted narcissist? Different studies yield different results; one identifies the anxious-preoccupied style, another the fearful-avoidant.
但表現出高度的自戀特徵並不總是表現為浮誇型自戀；另外還有一種類型，Malkin喜歡將其稱為內向型自戀，在其書中，也被描述為“隱蔽”“脆弱”或“高度敏感”。正如 Malkin 所寫，“內向型自戀者同其他任何自戀者一樣相信自己要優於其他人，但他們內心是如此害怕批評，因此他們會躲避人群和關注度，甚至會感到恐慌。”這乍一看可能讓人感到迷惑，因為缺乏健康自我意識的人——被Malkin稱為“回聲者”的人——也會常常躲避目光，但內向型自戀者卻與之不同。
內向型自戀者可能會表現出哪種不安全依戀類型呢？不同的研究得出不同的結論。一項研究認為是焦慮-痴迷型；另一研究則認為是恐懼-迴避型。Of course, not everyone who is insecurely attached will be high in narcissistic traits—in fact, as mentioned, some will lack enough healthy self-regard that they will exhibit echoism—but looking at attachment styles allows us to peer beneath the surface of both the grandiose and introverted types.
當然，並非所有不安全依戀類型人群都表現出高度的自戀特徵——實際上，如前所述，一些人會缺乏足夠健康的自我意識，以致於他們會表現出“回聲”心理——但瞭解依戀類型，可以讓我們深入瞭解浮誇型和內向型自戀類型。
How you can become consciously aware of your attachment style
如何明確知道自己的依戀類型
Part of recovery from a childhood in which your needs weren’t met is coming to terms with not just how your parent or parents behaved but, much more importantly, seeing how you may have been affected. We make a mistake in thinking that the way we act is just who we were born to be. What is learned can be unlearned, and that includes how you connect to others and the assumptions you make about people and the world of relationship.
如果你童年時期需求沒有得到滿足，作為療愈方式的一部分，不僅需要接納父母當初的行為方式，更重要的是，瞭解你自己所可能受到的影響。我們常常誤以為我們的行為方式是天生的。但實際上，習得的東西，可以褪去，這其中也包括你與他人的互動方式，以及你對其他人和感情關係所持有的種種假設。
If your behaviors and reactivity aren’t working for you, you can do something about them. Therapy with someone gifted is the best answer, but you can also help yourself.
如果你的行為和反應方式對你而言無益，那麼你可以做出改變。向一些有天賦的心理醫生尋求幫助是最理想的方式，但你也可以幫助自己。
As mentioned earlier, most people have various degrees of the four attachment styles, which may change over time.
正如之前所提到的，大多數人都有著不同程度的上述4種依戀類型，而且會隨著時間發生變化。
Although those who are predominantly the Secure Attachment Style tend to make strong partners, it is also possible for those who are predominantly the other three styles to be in successful relationships. Self-awareness, mutual-support, mutual willingness to grow, and courage to seek professional help when needed are some of the crucial elements to positive relational development. The absence of these elements, however, may generate issues of incompatibility in relationship.
儘管主要表現出安全依戀類型的人往往會有牢固的戀情關係，但主要表現為其他依戀類型的人也可能會有成功的感情關係。自知、相互支持、都願意不斷成長、當有需要時，有勇氣尋求專業幫助，這些都是積極感情關係發展的關鍵要素。如果沒有這些要素，則可能會導致感情罅隙產生。
Modified on 2020-02-19
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