微軟聯合創始人比爾蓋茨今天撰文《並非每件事都事出有因》，稱我成天在問“為什麼”。人們為什麼陷入貧困？蚊子為什麼傳播瘧疾？保持好奇心並試圖解釋我們周圍的世界能讓生活變得有趣一些。這對世界也有好處——科學發現就是源於有人堅持要解開一些謎團。但有些“為什麼”的問題無法通過事實得到滿意的答案。
我成天在問“為什麼”。人們為什麼陷入貧困？蚊子為什麼傳播瘧疾？保持好奇心並試圖解釋我們周圍的世界能讓生活變得有趣一些。這對世界也有好處——科學發現就是源於有人堅持要解開一些謎團。這是人類的天性，任何被一個五歲好奇寶寶纏著無休止地提問的人，都會這樣告訴你。
但正如凱特·鮑勒（Kate Bowler）在她的最新回憶錄《“事出皆有因”及其他一些我喜愛過的謊言》（Everything Happens for a Reason and Other Lies I’ve Loved，中文名暫譯）中所說的那樣，有些“為什麼”的問題無法通過事實得到滿意的答案。鮑勒嫁給了高中時的戀愛對象，育有一子，然後在35歲時被診斷出四期結腸癌。在她得病後，她不想知道是什麼造成她身體細胞的瘋狂變異和繁殖。她有更深的問題：為什麼是我？這是對我品格的考驗嗎？
這本書講的是她對答案的探求，她想要找到與她篤信的宗教信仰一致的答案。她是北卡羅來納州杜克神學院的一名教授，在門諾派家庭中長大，寫過一本講“成功神學”歷史的書。“成功神學”的觀念在一些基督徒中很流行，他們認為上帝會將健康和財富賞賜給虔誠的信徒。在她生病之前，鮑勒並不怎麼相信“成功神學”，但也沒有完全抗拒。“我曾相信自己的‘成功神學’，如同草上的花，與其他所有事物一起成長。”她寫道，“我相信上帝會為我開路。”後來她拿到了自己的診斷結果。“我再也不相信那些了。”
由於話題本身的原因，我對鮑勒書裡有時出現令人心碎的內容並不感到意外，但我沒想到這本書還能這麼有趣。有時，這兩種感覺竟然在讀同一段話時出現。書中有這樣一個場景，鮑勒發現3%該類型的癌症患者有可能接受實驗性治療。幾個星期後，她的醫生打電話來報告了一個好消息：她是那3%中的一員。“我開始大喊大叫。我得了神奇的癌症！我得了神奇的癌症！”她轉向她的丈夫：“‘我可能還有機會’，我努力在抽泣的間隙把話說完。他緊緊抱住我，下巴抵在我頭上。然後他放開我，好讓我唱《老虎的眼睛》，一邊唱還一邊在空中揮拳，因為我就是這樣的人。”
這本書的核心問題引起了我的真切共鳴。一方面，如果認為任何結果僅僅是隨機產生的，就犯了虛無主義錯誤。我必須相信，當我們的行為符合道德時，世界會變得更美好。平均來說，做好事的人比不做好事的人有更好的命運。
但是如果你對此看得過於極端，這種對因果關係的看法可能會對人造成傷害。鮑勒講述了一些心懷善意的人對她說的一些傷人的話，例如：“這是一個考驗，它會讓你變得更強大。”我也體會過這種思維方式如何影響到我自己的家族成員。我的四個祖父母都是同一個基督教宗派的虔誠信徒，他們相信如果你生病了，那一定是因為你做了一些值此報應的事。當我一個祖父病得很重時，他極力想弄明白自己到底做錯了什麼。可他什麼也想不出來，所以就責怪妻子。他去世時依舊認為，他之所以生病是因為妻子犯了不為人知的罪。
鮑勒以一種令人信服的方式回答了“為什麼”的問題：拒絕接受假設。正如標題所暗含的那樣，她反對我們需要一個理由來解釋所發生的一切，但她也反對虛無主義者的選擇。她在一次電視採訪中說道：“如果要我說出一個教訓，那就是每個人都別急著為他人的痛苦做出解釋，帶上愛就夠了。”她甚至還在書里加了一個附錄，向你介紹幫助生病的朋友或愛人的六種方法。這值得仔細研讀，將來可以用來作參考。
這本書應當與其他討論生死課題的佳作放在一起，比如保羅·卡拉尼特（Paul Kalanithi）的《當呼吸化為空氣》（When Breath Becomes Air）和阿圖·葛文德（Atul Gawande）的《最好的告別》（Being Mortal）。鮑勒的寫作直接，不情緒化。她沒有講生活不公或她理應過得更好之類的話，她只是告訴你發生了什麼。
我不會劇透結局，但還是要說鮑勒作為一個作家太過正直，所以沒有提供簡單或神奇的解決方案。在讀完這本書以後，我上網搜索想知道她現在過得如何。我很高興地發現她仍在更新一個關於信仰、道德和死亡的博客。看到這位思想豐富的女性以誠實和幽默的態度面對如此沉重的話題，這真令人鼓舞。
Not everything happens for a reason
I spend my days asking“Why?” Why do people get stuck in poverty? Why do mosquitoes spread malaria? Being curious and trying to explain the world around us is part of what makes life interesting. It’s also good for the world—scientific discoveries happen because someone insisted on solving some mystery. And it’s human nature, as anyone who’s fielded an endless series of questions from an inquisitive 5-year-old can tell you.
But as Kate Bowler shows in her wonderful new memoir, Everything Happens for a Reason and Other Lies I’ve Loved, some“why”questions can’t be answered satisfactorily with facts. Bowler was 35 years old, married to her high-school sweetheart, and raising their young son when she was diagnosed with stage IV colon cancer. When she got sick, she didn’t want to know what was making her body’s cells mutate and multiply out of control. She had deeper questions: Why me? Is this a test of my character?
The book is about her search for answers that align with her deeply held religious beliefs. A professor at Duke Divinity School in North Carolina, she grew up in a family of Mennonites and wrote a history of the prosperity gospel, the idea popular among some Christians that God rewards the faithful with health and wealth. Before she got sick, Bowler didn’t subscribe to the prosperity gospel, but she didn’t exactly reject it either.“I had my own prosperity gospel, a flowering weed grown in with all the rest,”she writes.“I believed God would make a way.”Then came her diagnosis.“I don’t believe that anymore.”
Given the topic, I wasn’t surprised to find that Bowler’s book is heartbreaking at times. But I didn’t expect it to be funny too. Sometimes it’s both in the same passage. In one scene, Bowler learns there’s a 3 percent chance that her cancer might be susceptible to an experimental treatment. A few weeks later, her doctor’s office calls with good news: She’s among the 3 percent.“I start to yell. I have the magic cancer! I have the magic cancer!”She turns to her husband:“‘I might have a chance,’I manage to say between sobs…He hugs me tightly, resting his chin on my head. And then he releases me to let me sing 'Eye of the Tiger’and do a lot of punching the air, because it is in my nature to do so.”
The central questions in this book really resonated with me. On one hand, it’s nihilistic to think that every outcome is simply random. I have to believe that the world is better when we act morally, and that people who do good things deserve a somewhat better fate on average than those who don’t.
But if you take it to extremes, that cause-and-effect view can be hurtful. Bowler recounts some of the unintentionally painful things that well-meaning people told her, like:“This is a test and it will make you stronger.”I have also seen how this line of thinking affected members of my own extended family. All four of my grandparents were deeply devout members of a Christian sect who believed that if you got sick, it must be because you did something to deserve it. When one of my grandfathers became seriously ill, he struggled to figure out what he might have done wrong. He couldn’t think of anything, so he blamed his wife. He died thinking she had caused his illness by committing some unknown sin.
Bowler answers the“why”question in a compelling way: by refusing to accept the premise. As the title suggests, she rejects the idea that we need a reason for everything that happens. But she also rejects the nihilist alternative. As she said in one TV interview:“If I could pick one thing, it would be that everyone simmers down on the explanations for other people’s suffering, and just steps in with love.”She even includes an appendix with six ways you can support a friend or loved one who’s sick. It’s worth dog-earing for future reference.
Everything Happens belongs on the shelf alongside other terrific books about this difficult subject, like Paul Kalanithi’s. When Breath Becomes Air and Atul Gawande’s Being Mortal. Bowler’s writing is direct and unsentimental. She's not saying her life is unfair or that she deserved better. She’s just telling you what happened.
I won’t spoil the ending, except to say that Bowler has too much integrity as a writer to offer pat answers or magic solutions. When I was done with the book, I went online to see how she was doing. I was happy to find that she was still keeping a blog about faith, morality, and mortality. It’s inspiring to see this thoughtful woman face such weighty topics with honesty and humor.
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