三顾茅庐(搞笑版)

第一幕

旁白:Action one :刘关张访卧龙岗,空手遭斥回。START!

旁白:屋子中,诸葛亮在屋里走着,

诸葛亮:Buliang,this classroom is so dirty.诸不亮扫地,送水

旁白:此时,刘关张三兄弟正准备来拜访诸葛亮。(音乐)

刘备:A cigerate after dinner plays an important role in my life.(伸手,张飞点烟,刘深吸一口,长舒一口气)

饭后一支烟,赛过活神仙

刘:En? it dosen’t burn on.

嗯?没点着

张飞:Sorry,boss,we can only has this.We can’t smoke in the classroom!

老大,凑合着吧,老师不让抽烟

关羽:We must invite Mr.Zhu Geliang!

此番前来,定要邀请的卧龙先生

张飞:Certainly,Mr.Cao bully us too much.

必须的,老曹太欺负人了

旁白:三人来到门前,进行石头剪子布

刘备:According to our custom?

(像我们平常那样)

关羽:OK.

张飞:No problem.

没问题

刘备三人进行石头剪子布,刘备输了,其余两人把刘备推到前面。

刘备作出一幅英勇就义的姿态,(上海滩响起)

刘备作按门铃状,(门铃声响起)。

诸葛亮:Bu liang(不亮), go to open the door.(去开门)

仆人:Heng!(哼)

仆人板着个脸,做了一个甩头的动作,然后来到门前深呼吸,放平稳,保持微笑。然后打开门,举了个躬。

仆人:안녕하세요(发音a ni ha sai yao~~~,中文意思:你好)

刘备:Can you speak English?

关羽:(紧接着刘备)Can you speak Chinese?

张飞:(紧接着)Can you speak Japanese?

刘备:(紧接着)Spanish?西班牙

关羽:(紧接着)French?法语

张飞:(紧接着)German?德语

仆人:(紧接着)Shut up! Who are you?

刘备:(摆个pose)I’m Liubei.

关羽:(也摆个pose)I’m Guanyu.

张飞:(同样摆个pose,把仆人碰倒了)I’m Sorry.

刘备三人赶紧把仆人扶起来。

诸不亮:How did you come here?

你们怎么来的啊

三人答道:Riding horses !

骑马来的啊!(做骑马状)

诸不亮:So,How do you riding a horse?

那你们怎么骑马来的啊?

诸不亮推开刘备,关上门

旁白:三人面面相觑,

刘备:“money!”(刘备突然明白)

张飞关羽耸肩都没带钱

张飞:I have only this!

我只有这个。(拿出饭卡)

刘备: Oh my God!

我的天啦!(表示无奈)

旁白:三人无功而返,下台

第二幕

旁白:Action two: :孔明考试未过,刘关张携礼前往。START !

旁白:After the exam

屋子中(音乐起)

诸葛亮:My god,my god!Why do you punish me?

上天啊!,上天啊!你为什么要惩罚我?

诸不亮:Don’t be sad,our monitor doesn’t pass the examination.

别难过,我们的班长考试不及格。

诸葛亮:I know,but...

我知道,但是……

(音乐响起)三兄弟上台,张飞关羽手提礼品

关羽猥琐的说:I think we’ll manage it this time.

这次应该可以了吧,上次也怨我们

张飞:What?! If you don’t pull me,I will kill him easily by my strong throat!

啥啊,如果你不是拉着我,老子一嗓子吼死他。

刘备:Stop stop!What are we doing here?!At ease-attation!Be calm you two.Be clever this time!

停下停下!我们在这里做什么?冷静点,你们两个。这次要聪明点!

关羽,张飞:Yes Sir!(两个人向刘备敬礼)

(刘备按门铃,诸不亮醉醺醺的摇摇晃晃去开门)

诸不亮:Who’s this?

谁啊

张飞:I come here to charge the bill of electricity.

收电费(不亮开门)

刘备:We are here again,bother to notice your boss

我们又来了,麻烦小弟通报一下.

(诸不亮四下环顾,把礼品接过来了)

(屋子里传来悲伤的气息)(音乐起)

张飞:I just feel some feeling of sorrow in my heart.

怎么突然一阵感伤涌上心头(自言自语)

关羽:Is Mr Zhu Ge home? We want to have a talk with him ,please.

请问卧龙先生在家吗,我们想见一下(SEE)

诸不亮:(你见,或者不见我)(放歌)

It’s doesn’t matter if you see me or not

我就在那里

I am standing right there

不悲不喜

With no emotion

你念,或者不念我

It’s doesn’t matter if you miss me or not

情就在那里

The feeling is right there

不来不去

And it isn’t going anywhere

你爱或者不爱我

It’s doesn’t matter if you love me or not)(音乐结束)

(诸不亮转身关门)

刘备:What?!

张飞:I’m afraid some-one important of him died here.Let’s go. Maybe we should come next time.

是不是家里死人了,下次再来吧

关羽:Oh, I wish Zhu Geliang does’t die...

希望死的不是诸葛亮

三人下台

第三幕

旁白:Action three: 寻得主公好得意,桃红又是一年春。START!

(诸葛亮和诸不亮在打牌,诸葛亮又赢了)

诸不亮:Boss! You are the man !

老大你真厉害

诸葛亮:Hum!That’s a piece of cake. And I think I should go to Liu Bei’s corporation to find a job after Spring Festiv

那是,你不想想我是干什么的,我打算过了年就去找刘备,找份工作

诸不亮:What? You said you wanna to go to Liu Bei’s company?

什么?你想去刘备那里?

诸葛亮:En...That’s a good place in which I need not speak English.

嗯,那里用不着英语

诸不亮:But...uh, I drove him away a few days ago.

前几天他来过了,让我赶跑了

门铃响。

诸不亮:Speak of the devil.

说来就来了

(三兄弟,大跨步的走进来)(音乐起)

诸葛亮Boss! I ached for you so much, please help me!

大哥,想死我了(拥抱)你带我走吧(诸葛亮一见到很激动)

刘备:Be calm. Since you trust me so much, let’s go and do it!

镇定镇定,既然兄弟这么看得起我,那咱们就一起大干一场吧(准备出发。。)

诸葛亮:Wait,wait...My boss, uh, how much will.. I get.. from you then.

大哥等等,那。。那,一月多少钱啊

刘备NO money.

没钱。

张飞,关羽No money!Let’s go!

没钱,跟我们走吧!(两人上前拉诸葛亮跟着刘备离开,不亮长喊一声~No以后急忙追上去一起下台)



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