Have you ever noticed that good people often aren’t well respected? They help others out, they’re patient, they don’t hold grudges, but for some reason they constantly feel upset and lonely.
你是否發現當你想努力做一個好人，反而最終不會得到應有的尊重？當你不吝嗇付出，當你變得很耐心，當你停止抱怨，當你想讓一切變好時，卻總有一些原因讓你失落。
Psychologists believe the reason for this is mistakes in the way such people behave. We has outlined their reasoning for you with the help of some illustrations.
心理學家認為，人們常犯的幾種錯誤，會導致這樣的結果。下面配圖說明。
Needless self-sacrifice
不必要的自我犧牲
You suppress your own needs for the sake of peace, but the world simply doesn’t notice. And when people offend you, you feel uncomfortable before the guilty party. This approach will inevitably mean that people will upset you over and over again.
你為了表面的相安無事而抑制自己內心的真實需求，但最終別人並不會注意到你的真實感受。而當別人一旦無心冒犯了你，你就會感覺很不自在。這樣不可避免會導致別人一次又一次的傷害你。
- Don’t be afraid to tell the world about what you don’t like. It might not cost people anything to meet you halfway. On the other hand, your needless self-sacrifice will not be noticed by anyone at all. 不要害怕告訴別人你真正喜歡的是什麼。讓別人來滿足下你的意願，這對於別人來說，不會他們付出什麼就能辦得到。別外，你那不必要的自我犧牲根本沒有人會在意。
A lack of self-respect
缺乏自尊
You don’t seem to feel it when people bump into you, or you close your eyes to these little uncomfortable moments. But someone who is rude by nature won’t love or respect you for that. So why are you putting up with it?
當別人冒犯了你，你似乎刻意逃避。要知道，有些人天生不會尊重別人的。所以你為什麼還要忍耐呢？
- If someone behaves in a way that suggests they don’t give a damn about you, it means they really don’t. Don’t look for excuses for rude people. Respect yourself. 一個人對你的傷害是有心還是無意，相信你能看出來的。不要自己就為那些天生粗魯的人找藉口。從今天起，建立自尊。
Being dependent on the approval of others
看他人的臉色
People who have a pathological need for approval from others subconsciously give out signals that there’s something wrong with them. And people who others think have something wrong with them are usually avoided by virtually everyone.
有些人總是做完事，總是習慣從別人的臉色裡得到答案。事實上，這樣的人大家是都不太喜歡的。
- Stop waiting for praise. You don’t need to be told you’re a good person to actually be one. And don’t be scared of criticism. People will criticize you at various times for virtually anything you do, for one reason or another. Your opinion of yourself should always rank as the most important. 不要等著別人的點讚了吧。你不需要用別人的嘴來證明你是一個好人。不要害怕批評。無論你做任何事，總會有批評的聲音存在。你對自己的評價才是最重要的。
Searching for the source of problems only within yourself
尋找自身原因
You automatically believe people are right, except when it comes to yourself. You put the responsibility for what’s going on around you on yourself. No one’s going to thank you for this. But taking advantage of you and making your life even harder might be easier for others under such circumstances.
你總是認為別人是對的，你是錯的。你把所發生的一切都歸咎於自己。要知道沒有人會因此對你說聲謝謝，而有些人會利用這一點，讓你更加痛苦。
- Searching for those who are in the wrong is a thankless task. Torturing yourself will bring you neither love nor pity from others. It’s better to focus your efforts on finding a solution to the problem. 要分清誰對誰錯，是一件費心不討好的事情。折磨你自己也不會得到任何同情和憐憫。最好的辦法是找出解決問題的方法。
Boasting
吹噓
Emphasizing your virtues and begging for respect is the basis for a dependent relationship. In trying to convince those around you that you’re a good person, you’ll end up getting only rejection. Even if you really are a good person.
自愛是一段關係的基礎。你用嘴向別人證明你是一個好人時，結果只能是徒勞。即使你確實是一個好人。
- You can show you’re worth something only by genuinely believing that you are yourself. When you know your own value, you don’t need to prove it to anyone. 只有先自己相信自己，才能向別人證明你的價值。而當你意識到自己的價值所在，你也沒必要向所有人證明。
A fear of rejection
害怕拒絕
You don’t want to upset anyone even if it comes at the price of making you unhappy. You pretend everything’s ok to prevent others from worrying that you’re not satisfied. And the result is that you’re very often not satisfied.
你寧願自己傷心，也不願讓別人不開心。你假裝一切都好，讓別人不要擔心。這樣做的結果就是你總是會感到不滿意。
- Don’t be afraid to say "no." Even the nicest people in the world may try to use you if you allow them to. Help others only when you want to help them. 別害怕說“不”。即使這世界上你最信任的那個人，也會讓你傷心的。
Being deaf to your own interests
專注自己的興趣
You’ve become accustomed to adjusting to other people’s needs and find it difficult to understand what your own desires really are. You don’t decide for yourself what you do, and instead you take others’ wishes for your own. This is akin to an inability to make decisions and to a taste of helplessness, and it’s far from the true definition of kindness.
你總是習慣於改變自己來滿足別人的需要，而忽略了自己的內心。你總是想活成別人心目中的樣子，忘記了自己的理想。這樣你的生活會失去自己的方向，感覺到無助和無味。真正意義上的好心腸並不是這樣的。
- Learn to listen to your own desires, and don’t be afraid of offending others. The chances are your fears don’t really have a basis in reality, and it’s always possible to find a compromise. 學著傾聽自己的內心，不要害怕得罪別人。你的擔心和害怕可能都毫無意義，總會找到一種折中的辦法。
Not setting a limit on what’s acceptable
任何事情和人都能夠接受
You forgive others because it’s easier to do so than to stand up for yourself. When other people show disrespect toward you, you find an excuse for them in your mind.
你善於原諒別人而委屈求全。當別人傷害你時，你總會自己替他們找一個藉口。
- You need to determine what you consider to be the limits of acceptable behavior. And then don’t let others overstep these boundaries in relation to you. People who allow everything are not respected. 你需要給自己的承受能力畫一條線。在你與他人的關係中，不要讓別人越過這條線。你太隨便，反而得到他人的尊重。
A fear of loneliness
害怕孤單
You’re turning your relationship into a cult, sacrificing yourself. And what’s more, you feel comfortable doing so. This may be why bullies, narcissists, and egoists gravitate toward you: because you allow yourself to be used.
你非常看重一段關係，並經常靠自我犧牲來維持。並且，你覺得這樣做沒什麼。這樣會導致你會被身邊那些恃強凌弱的人、自戀的人和奉行利己主義的人利用，因為是你允許了他們來這樣對你。
- You don’t need to choose between your relationship and your own feelings of self-worth.If you’re having to make that choice, then something’s gone wrong. Be brave, and don’t be afraid of change. Think of being alone as being free rather than as loneliness, and then you won’t be alone for long. 你沒有必要在一段關係的好壞和自我價值中做選擇。如果你這麼做了，很可能會犯錯。勇敢些，不要害怕改變。把一個人看成是一種自由，而不孤單，而且，最終你也不會一個人太久。
Believing that respect needs to be earned
認為尊重是求來的
You don’t accept the fact that respect doesn’t have to be the result of actions or behavior. You don’t feel comfortable when your relationship with someone is one of equals because you’re firmly convinced that respect has to be earned. You feel that a person has value only if they’ve given something back.
你認為得到尊重是由於自己的付出得來的。當一段關係中是因為付出與回報對等，才能換來彼此尊重時，你是不會感覺到快樂的。你衡量一個人的標準只是能不能從他那裡得到回報。
- You don’t need to "buy" love or respect. Learn to simply love and be loved unconditionally, as easily as breathing. 你不要奢求“買”來的愛或尊重。學會簡單地愛與被愛。真正的愛與尊重應該像呼吸一樣自然。
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