本文主人公申18FALL入學的Goldsmiths-MA Design，2018年11月初材料齊全後準備提交前夕，找到團隊審核了一遍所有文書，包括PS/CV/RL及Portfolio。其中CV/RL尚佳，Portfolio專業度不夠，PS被全盤推翻，遂決定接受指導重做。
11月底提交網申後，12月拿到1對2面試，面試過程被刷，後通過重新準備面試，並爭取到二面，最終拿到offer。
該同學的整篇PS原文及點評見下文。
Since I was a child, I have always been interested in XX. My father has set an excellent example for me in the career life. His strong passion for XX has still infected me and made me realise how important it is to pursue what I am good at and passionate. More importantly, as a businessman, my father’s commercial thinking inspired me to know that products can both commercial and social values. In my father’s backyard, I learnt how to install XX. During my handwork experience, my father told me that even we had much experience in XX, there is always necessary to study on the design.
★ 又是常見的“從小我就感興趣”的cliche。大家記住，Reviewer對這種開頭一般都不會看，因為已經視覺疲勞，且完全不接受“興趣從小就有”的bullshit；
★ 首段完全偏離了自己專業的主題，“父親的角色”感覺適用於孩子之後學習任何專業的引導；換句話說，最後的design換成economics/engineering/marketing等，毫無違和感，這就是大部分中介都在套用的“模板首段”；
★ 藍色背底語法問題百出，黃色背底多為baby language或Chinglish：請注意這是一篇即將用於投遞的PS最終版！
With this passion for design, I chose design as my subject and grow my blood in design deeply in XX University, School of Design. I benefit from my college, not only because the excellent teaching system and responsibility, but also high-class academic resources among the world. I had opportunities to attend the XX Association to renew my design thinking. Due to 4-years study, I caught up with new concepts of design continuously and built up my knowledge construction of industrial design. And what is more important, I have learnt how to live like a designer and enjoy my life.
★ 完全沒有看到任何選擇design相關的passion or motivation；
★ 本段犯了PS內容段一個大忌：筆者是通過學校的資源和學校平臺的優越性，而不是自己的努力，在design專業進行成長。Reviewer在閱讀中完全無法看到筆者本科期間自身的努力所在，而都是外部條件造就的結果；
★ 給人自吹自擂無邊際bluffing的感覺：筆者說自己已經慢慢成為一名designer，卻無任何solid evidence證明自己有designer的能力，或如何豐富自己任何與design專業相關的能力、經驗及技能；
★ 筆者在關於本科四年的學習階段只有這一段描述，作為reviewer，甚至會覺得筆者這4年的education background是缺失的；
★ 藍色背底及黃色背底與之前一致，綠色背底屬於語言表達思維混亂。
Considering my interest and ambition, I want to become a more professionalresearcher and practitioner in design. In the long term, I prefer to work as a designer and build up my own company in the future. My future company shall be a design and creation driven company. Through campus experience and professional practice, I realise that there is still a gap for me in pursuit of my dream as being a designer in this field. Here, I sincerely hope both my skill and determination are qualified for the standard of your postgraduate program. I choose your program because yours are one of the best places in the United Kingdom for improving and nourishing my design both in the aspect of technique and concept. As you can see, after what I have striven, I determine to develop my art to its fullest potential. Thank you very much for considering my proposal.
★ 對不起，全文通讀後，作為Reviewer，我確實沒有看到你任何的interest or ambition；
★ 對於long-term goal，切忌吹噓任何“大理想”。如此處作者說自己要開公司。那麼Reviewer的思維是，我需要看到你的business idea, approaches and schedule。所以除非你真的有這些可以寫，否則不要為了“大理想”而找麻煩；
★ 再次對不起，全文通讀後，作為Reviewer，我也沒有看到你的任何skill or determination是符合我們這個學校或學院的要求的；
★ 對於“為什麼選擇我們學校”的原因，不切實際且空洞無特色；換句話說，此段貌似對於任何一所學校申請都適用，Reviewer會感受到對於筆者來說，我們學校並不重要；
★ 最後一句話亮了，但在團隊接手過的PS中卻很常見。謹記：PS叫做個人陳述而不是一封套磁信。Reviewer最希望的是3分鐘內看到我為什麼可以錄取你的種種理由，而不是滿滿的訴求感。
打分：50/100；
審閱時間：少於1分鐘；
材料歸類：C類
綜合點評：作為一篇即將投遞的文書，邏輯結構上尚可；語言上巨多語法錯誤、表達混亂、用詞用句極其不當；最重要的內容上空洞無味、紙上談兵、毫無血肉。
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