Let's imagine two kinds of childhood.
讓我們來設想兩種不同的童年。
The first, broadly, is the good kind.
首先，以下是一個美好童年大概的樣子。
When you are upset someone is on hand to soothe you.
當你沮喪的時候有人安慰你。
When you're furious, someone handles you calmly.
當你憤怒的時候，有人讓你變得冷靜。
When you need attention, someone is there for you.
當你需要關注的時候，有人在你身邊。
When you can't understand, someone explains.
當你遇到不理解的事時，有人跟你解釋。
When you're messy someone resists shaming you.
當你是一團糟的時候，他們不會羞辱你。
When you fail, you're not called a loser.
當你失敗的時候，他們不會說你是個失敗者。
When there's a problem, you get through it.
當遇到難題時，你會挺過去。
In short, you deserve to exist.
總之，你的存在是意義重大的。
Whatever the value system of the competitive world out there, inside you're of huge value, you are for as long as it takes the center of one or two kindly grown ups universe.
不論外面充滿競爭的世界有著如何的價值體系，你有自己巨大的價值，你是兩個善良的成年人世界的中心。
Then broadly there's the challenging old plain bad childhood.
接下來描述的是一個糟糕的童年通常的樣子。
When you cry, they call you spoiled.
當你哭的時候，他們說你是因為被寵壞了。
When you're difficult, they say it's attention seeking.
當你耍小性子時，他們說你在故意尋求關注。
When you don't succeed, they take it personally.
當你沒有成功時，他們認為那是你自身的原因。
When you're messy, they're disgusted.
當你一團糟的時候，他們會很嫌棄你。
When you try to be strong, they're threatened.
當你想努力變得強壯時，他們會打擊你。
When you're weak and unimpressive, they belittle you.
當你很軟弱、讓人印象不好時，他們看不起你。
In short, it's a bit of a pity you're around. You don't quite deserve to exist. You're a burden.
簡短地說，他們認為你的存在是一個遺憾。你的存在沒意義。你是他們的負擔。
And in the end really just a giant disappointment.
到最後，你讓他們感到巨大的失望。
The first kind of childhood is just about the greatest gift anyone can receive.
第一種童年，對於擁有它的人來說它是最棒的禮物。
It's at the root of the chance to form satisfying relationships, to accept one's sexuality, to have ambition without perfectionism,and to approach adversity with resilience.
它可以從根本上塑造讓人滿意的人際關係。在性方面接受某人、擁有雄心但是不吹毛求疵，並且能迎難而上。
And likewise a bad sort of childhood is proper lasting trouble.
一個糟糕的童年有可能是一個長久的麻煩。
It keeps undermining relationships, generates endless problems around sex
saps confidence, brings anxieties, self hatred and shame.
它會不斷地破壞你的人際關係，會造成關於性方面無休止的問題。削弱自信心、帶來焦慮、自我憎惡並覺得羞恥。
We don't yet know how completely to fix bad childhoods.
我們目前都還不知道如何能完全修復糟糕童年帶來的影響。
They're a proper pain to have had, but here are one or two things to try very hard to keep in mind.
它是你之前心頭的痛，但是，有幾件事必須要努力記在心上。
Do everything you can to understand the craziness inside you.
不遺餘力來理解你內心的瘋狂。
Be suspicious of many of your first intuitions and responses.
對你多數的直覺和第一反應保持懷疑的態度。
Watch out for weird stuff you're gonna try to do to sabotage your chances of flourishing.
當你打算嘗試一些奇怪的事物時要小心它可能會毀掉你的前途。
Warn people around you in a gentle and alarming way about what you've been through.
溫和地提醒你周圍的人，你曾經經歷過的事。
Invite them to feel sorry for you rather than just condemn you for being difficult.
讓他們能理解你同情你，而不是譴責你為什麼性格這麼古怪。
Try to get all the insights you can, from books, therapy and thinking.
看書、參加治療、思考來增加自己的見識。
Accept that this is a legacy you're a gonna be carrying around with you all your life.
接受這個事實－糟糕的童年會一直伴隨你的一生。
Feel without self pity but a little bit sorry for yourself.
不要自我憐憫，而是感到一絲自我抱歉。
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