關鍵詞（Keyword）：TED演講，人脈，機遇，伯樂，成功
演講簡介：
為什麼我們渴望成功，卻總是缺乏獲得成功的機遇與條件？是什麼限制了我們？我們又該如何更積極地擴大朋友圈，遇見伯樂？如何獲得更多機遇，進而改變命運？讓我們一起來看看組織心理學家 Tanya Menon 關於“弱連接”的思考，和如何打破社交侷限的建議！
中英字幕版：
演講者：Tanya Menon | TEDxOhioStateUniversity
主 題：The secret to great opportunities? The person you haven't met yet
雙語演講稿：
I started teaching MBA students 17 years ago. Sometimes I run into my students years later. And when I run into them, a funny thing happens. I don't remember just their faces; I also remember where exactly in the classroom they were sitting. And I remember who they were sitting with as well. This is not because I have any special superpowers of memory. The reason I can remember them is because they are creatures of habit. They are sitting with their favorite people in their favorite seats. They find their twins, they stay with them for the whole year.
17年前我開始教授 MBA課程 有時會在幾年之後 碰到以前教過的學生 當我遇見他們時 有個很有意思的現象 我不僅記得他們的臉 也記得他們坐在 教室的哪個位置 和誰坐在一起 這不是因為我有什麼 記憶超能力 我之所以能記得學生們 是因為他們都是 跟著習慣走的人 總會與最喜歡的人 坐在最喜歡的位子 他們會找一個形影不離的夥伴 然後一整年都和他待在一起
Now, the danger of this for my students is they're at risk of leaving the university with just a few people who are exactly like them. They're going to squander their chance for an international, diverse network. How could this happen to them? My students are open-minded. They come to business school precisely so that they can get great networks.
他們這樣做是有風險的 當學生們離開大學步入社會 他們很可能只認識很少的人 並且還與他們很像 他們會浪費掉接觸國際化 多樣化關係網的機會 這是如何發生的呢 我的學生們思想開放 他們來到商學院正 是為了擴大社交圈子
Now, all of us socially narrow in our lives, in our school, in work, and so I want you to think about this one. How many of you here brought a friend along for this talk? I want you to look at your friend a little bit. Are they of the same nationality as you? Are they of the same gender as you? Are they of the same race? Really look at them closely. Don't they kind of look like you as well?
我們所有人的社交圈都很有限 在生活 學校 工作中都是如此 因此我希望大家可以 思考一下這個問題 你們當中有多少人 帶了朋友來聽講座 我希望你看看自己身邊的朋友 他們與你是否國籍相同 是否性別相同 與你的種族是否一樣 仔細好好看看他們 他們是不是也有點像你自己
(Laughter)
（笑聲）
The muscle people are together, and the people with the same hairstyles and the checked shirts.
身強體壯的在一起 髮型相似的人在一起 穿著差不多襯衫的人在一起
We all do this in life. We all do it in life, and in fact, there's nothing wrong with this. It makes us comfortable to be around people who are similar. The problem is when we're on a precipice, right? When we're in trouble, when we need new ideas, when we need new jobs, when we need new resources -- this is when we really pay a price for living in a clique.
在生活中 我們都會如此 實際上這樣做並沒有什麼錯 與自己相似的人在一起 讓我們感到自在 問題是當我們遇到困難時該怎麼辦 當我們遇到麻煩 需要新的想法 想換個新工作 或是需要新的資源 這就是我們為小圈子生活 付出代價的時候
Mark Granovetter, the sociologist, had a famous paper "The Strength of Weak Ties," and what he did in this paper is he asked people how they got their jobs. And what he learned was that most people don't get their jobs through their strong ties -- their father, their mother, their significant other. They instead get jobs through weak ties, people who they just met. So if you think about what the problem is with your strong ties, think about your significant other, for example. The network is redundant. Everybody that they know, you know. Or I hope you know them. Right? Your weak ties -- people you just met today -- they are your ticket to a whole new social world.
社會學家馬克·格拉諾維特 有一篇著名論文 叫做《弱關係的力量》 他在這篇論文中詢問人們 是如何找到工作的 他從中瞭解到 大多數人得到工作 並不是通過關係緊密的人 例如父親 母親或伴侶 相反 他們會通過那些剛認識的人 關係不緊密的人獲得工作 因此 思考一下你和 身邊最重要的人 比如你的伴侶 之間出了什麼問題 這種人際網是多餘的 他們認識的每個人你也都認識 我希望你也認識他們 與你關係不緊密的人 你今天剛見過的人 他們才是你打開 社交大門的通行證
The thing is that we have this amazing ticket to travel our social worlds, but we don't use it very well. Sometimes we stay awfully close to home. And today, what I want to talk about is: What are those habits that keep human beings so close to home, and how can we be a little bit more intentional about traveling our social universe?
事實上 我們都擁有這張通行證 但是並沒有善加利用 有時候 我們和家庭成員異常親近 現在 我想要說的是 那些讓人類如此戀家的習慣是什麼 我們如何能更積極地 對待擴大社交圈子這件事
So let's look at the first strategy. The first strategy is to use a more imperfect social search engine. What I mean by a social search engine is how you are finding and filtering your friends. And so people always tell me, "I want to get lucky through the network. I want to get a new job. I want to get a great opportunity." And I say, "Well, that's really hard, because your networks are so fundamentally predictable." Map out your habitual daily footpath, and what you'll probably discover is that you start at home, you go to your school or your workplace, you maybe go up the same staircase or elevator, you go to the bathroom -- the same bathroom -- and the same stall in that bathroom, you end up in the gym, then you come right back home. It's like stops on a train schedule. It's that predictable. It's efficient, but the problem is, you're seeing exactly the same people. Make your network slightly more inefficient. Go to a bathroom on a different floor. You encounter a whole new network of people.
我們先來看第一條策略 第一條是說 要使用不完美的社交搜索引擎 這裡的社交搜索引擎 指的是你如何找到和篩選你的朋友 因此人們經常跟我說 我想要通過社交獲得好運 我想要一個新工作 我想要獲得很棒的機會 我會說 這是很困難的 因為你的社交圈子 根本上來講是可預測的 詳細列出你一天生活的軌跡 你很可能發現每天從家裡出發 去學校或者去工作 你可能走同樣的樓梯或電梯 你去同樣的洗手間 同一個洗手間位置相同的隔間 最後你會去健身房 之後回到家裡 這就像是列車停靠的站點一樣 完全可以預測 它很高效 但問題是 你見到的都是相同的人 讓你的人際網絡不太高效 去另一層樓的洗手間 你會遇到從來沒遇到的人
The other side of it is how we are actually filtering. And we do this automatically. The minute we meet someone, we are looking at them, we meet them, we are initially seeing, "You're interesting." "You're not interesting." "You're relevant." We do this automatically. We can't even help it. And what I want to encourage you to do instead is to fight your filters. I want you to take a look around this room, and I want you to identify the least interesting person that you see, and I want you to connect with them over the next coffee break. And I want you to go even further than that. What I want you to do is find the most irritating person you see as well and connect with them.
另一方面 我們實際上也在進行篩選 我們自動進行篩選 我們在見到某人時 會先打量一番 通過第一眼觀察 便會判斷 這人很有趣 這人很無聊 這人用得著 我們會自動開始篩選 根本無法控制 我鼓勵大家對抗這種篩選機制 我希望你環視這間屋子 找出你看到的最無趣的人 然後在下一次茶歇時 和他認識一下 我希望你更進一步 找到那個讓你看上去覺得 最招人討厭的人 跟他認識一下
What you are doing with this exercise is you are forcing yourself to see what you don't want to see, to connect with who you don't want to connect with, to widen your social world. To truly widen, what we have to do is, we've got to fight our sense of choice. We've got to fight our choices. And my students hate this, but you know what I do? I won't let them sit in their favorite seats. I move them around from seat to seat. I force them to work with different people so there are more accidental bumps in the network where people get a chance to connect with each other. And we studied exactly this kind of an intervention at Harvard University. At Harvard, when you look at the rooming groups, there's freshman rooming groups, people are not choosing those roommates. They're of all different races, all different ethnicities. Maybe people are initially uncomfortable with those roommates, but the amazing thing is, at the end of a year with those students, they're able to overcome that initial discomfort. They're able to find deep-level commonalities with people.
這項練習是強迫你自己 去觀察那些你不想看到的 去認識那些你不想認識的人 這樣就擴寬了你的社交圈 如果想要真正地擴大你的圈子 我們需要對抗我們的感覺 對抗讓你做出選擇的感覺 我的學生都很討厭這樣做 但你知道我是怎麼做的麼 我不讓他們坐在自己喜歡的座位上 我讓他們換其他位置坐 我迫使他們和不同的人一起 因此在社交圈中就出現了 更多意外的碰撞 通過這些碰撞 人們有機會認識彼此 我們在哈佛大學 對這種干預方法進行了研究 在哈佛 你觀察室友群體時 大一新生並不選擇自己的室友 他們來自不同種族 不同民族 也許人們一開始會感覺不自在 但令人驚訝的是 一年之後 同學們能夠克服一開始的不適 他們能夠發現和其他人 深層次的共同點
So the takeaway here is not just "take someone out to coffee." It's a little more subtle. It's "go to the coffee room." When researchers talk about social hubs, what makes a social hub so special is you can't choose; you can't predict who you're going to meet in that place. And so with these social hubs, the paradox is, interestingly enough, to get randomness, it requires, actually, some planning. In one university that I worked at, there was a mail room on every single floor. What that meant is that the only people who would bump into each other are those who are actually on that floor and who are bumping into each other anyway. At another university I worked at, there was only one mail room, so all the faculty from all over that building would run into each other in that social hub. A simple change in planning, a huge difference in the traffic of people and the accidental bumps in the network.
這裡的關鍵不只是 帶某人去喝咖啡 而是更微妙的東西 是 去咖啡廳 研究者談論社交中心時認為 社交中心的特殊之處 在於你無法選擇 你不能預測你會在那兒遇到誰 在這裡 一個有趣的悖論是 要想達到隨機性 實際上需要一些規劃 在我曾經工作的一所大學中 每一層樓都有一間收發室 這意味著 在那裡遇到的人 都工作在同一樓層 他們通過其他方式也總能遇到 在另一所我曾工作的大學中 只有一件收發室 因此全樓的教職工 都會在這個小中心遇到彼此 只是在規劃上做一個小的改變 就會帶來人員流動的巨大差異 也會產生社交圈中意外的碰撞
Here's my question for you: What are you doing that breaks you from your social habits? Where do you find yourself in places where you get injections of unpredictable diversity? And my students give me some wonderful examples. They tell me when they're doing pickup basketball games, or my favorite example is when they go to a dog park. They tell me it's even better than online dating when they're there.
問大家一個問題 為了改掉社交習慣 你做了哪些事情 你會去哪些地方 與各種各樣的人不期而遇 我的學生給出了一些很棒的示範 他們會去籃球場 與陌生人打籃球 我很喜歡的一個想法是 一些學生會去小狗公園 這些學生表示這比網上約會更好
So the real thing that I want you to think about is we've got to fight our filters. We've got to make ourselves a little more inefficient, and by doing so, we are creating a more imprecise social search engine. And you're creating that randomness, that luck that is going to cause you to widen your travels, through your social universe.
因此 我需要你們思考的是 我們需要對抗自己的篩選機制 我們需要讓自己更低效一些 這樣就產生了 一個更不精確的社交搜索引擎 你們就創造出了隨機性 還有那些好運氣 在結識更多人的過程中 幫助你擴寬社交圈
But in fact, there's more to it than that. Sometimes we actually buy ourselves a second-class ticket to travel our social universe. We are not courageous when we reach out to people. Let me give you an example of that. A few years ago, I had a very eventful year. That year, I managed to lose a job, I managed to get a dream job overseas and accept it, I had a baby the next month, I got very sick, I was unable to take the dream job. And so in a few weeks, what ended up happening was, I lost my identity as a faculty member, and I got a very stressful new identity as a mother. What I also got was tons of advice from people. And the advice I despised more than any other advice was, "You've got to go network with everybody." When your psychological world is breaking down, the hardest thing to do is to try and reach out and build up your social world.
而事實還不僅如此 有時候我們會在結識他人的過程中 給自己一些不利條件 我們不夠勇敢去主動認識他人 我來給大家舉一個例子 幾年前的一個多事之秋 我辭掉了工作 接受了一個夢寐以求的海外工作 下一個月我懷孕了 我非常虛弱 無法從事那項工作 結果就是 在幾周之後 我教師的身份沒有了 新的身份是一個充滿壓力的母親 我從其他人那裡獲得了很多建議 在這些建議中 我最鄙視的一條就是 你得去和每個人打打交道 當你的內心世界瀕臨崩塌 最困難的事情就是嘗試 主動建立自己的社交圈
And so we studied exactly this idea on a much larger scale. What we did was we looked at high and low socioeconomic status people, and we looked at them in two situations. We looked at them first in a baseline condition, when they were quite comfortable. And what we found was that our lower socioeconomic status people, when they were comfortable, were actually reaching out to more people. They thought of more people. They were also less constrained in how they were networking. They were thinking of more diverse people than the higher-status people. Then we asked them to think about maybe losing a job. We threatened them. And once they thought about that, the networks they generated completely differed. The lower socioeconomic status people reached inwards. They thought of fewer people. They thought of less-diverse people. The higher socioeconomic status people thought of more people, they thought of a broader network, they were positioning themselves to bounce back from that setback.
因此我們在更大範圍 上研究了這個觀點 我們觀察了社會經濟地位高 和地位低的兩組人 將其置於兩種情況 我們先以基準情況進行觀察 他們表現都十分自如 之後我們發現 社會經濟地位低的人們 會在主動接觸更多人的 時候感到更加自如 他們希望認識更多人 相比於社會經濟地位更高的人群 地位低的人在結交朋友時也更放得開 想要接觸更多樣化的人群 然後我們讓他們考慮失去工作 以此作為一種威懾 當他們一旦開始思考這一點 他們構建的社交網變得完全不同 社會經濟地位低的人不再接觸外界 他們會考慮到更少的人 多元化程度也降低 社會經濟地位高的人 會考慮到更多的人 和更寬的社交圈 他們會認定自己會 不懼困難 重新振作
Let's consider what this actually means. Imagine that you were being spontaneously unfriended by everyone in your network other than your mom, your dad and your dog.
我們思考一下這意味著什麼 設想你的社交圈裡所有人都與你 解除好友關係 除了你的爸爸媽媽和你家的狗
(Laughter)
（笑聲）
This is essentially what we are doing at these moments when we need our networks the most. Imagine -- this is what we're doing. We're doing it to ourselves. We are mentally compressing our networks when we are being harassed, when we are being bullied, when we are threatened about losing a job, when we feel down and weak. We are closing ourselves off, isolating ourselves, creating a blind spot where we actually don't see our resources. We don't see our allies, we don't see our opportunities.
這本質上就是我們正在做的事情 在我們最需要朋友的時刻 想象一下 這就是我們正在對自己做的事 我們在精神上壓制自己的關係網 當我們受到侵犯時 當我們被欺負時 當我們被威脅失去工作時 當我們感覺低落和脆弱時 我們封閉了自己 隔離了自己 產生了一個盲點 令我們看不到自己擁有的資源 我們看不到自己的盟友 看不到自己機會
How can we overcome this? Two simple strategies. One strategy is simply to look at your list of Facebook friends and LinkedIn friends just so you remind yourself of people who are there beyond those that automatically come to mind. And in our own research, one of the things we did was, we considered Claude Steele's research on self-affirmation: simply thinking about your own values, networking from a place of strength. What Leigh Thompson, Hoon-Seok Choi and I were able to do is, we found that people who had affirmed themselves first were able to take advice from people who would otherwise be threatening to them.
我們應該如何克服這一點呢 有兩條簡單的方法 第一條很簡單 查看你的臉書和領英網好友 提醒自己有哪些人在聯繫人列表裡 而你卻沒想起來 在我們自己進行的研究中 我們參照了克勞德·斯蒂爾 在自我肯定方面的研究 即 從優勢角度思考 你自己的價值關係網 你自己的價值關係網 雷恩·湯普森 崔洪熙和我發現 那些能夠先肯定自我的人們 可以接受來自他人的建議 而不是把他們當做威脅
Here's a last exercise. I want you to look in your email in-box, and I want you to look at the last time you asked somebody for a favor. And I want you to look at the language that you used. Did you say things like, "Oh, you're a great resource," or "I owe you one," "I'm obligated to you." All of this language represents a metaphor. It's a metaphor of economics, of a balance sheet, of accounting, of transactions. And when we think about human relations in a transactional way, it is fundamentally uncomfortable to us as human beings. We must think about human relations and reaching out to people in more humane ways.
下面我們進行最後一個小練習 我希望你們看看自己的電郵收件箱 看看最後一次你向他人 尋求幫助的時候 看一下你的措辭 你是不是提到 你真是太重要了 我欠你一個人情 我對您感激不盡 這些話語都代表了一種寓意 是一種經濟學的說法 像會計學裡面的收支平衡表 是一種交易 當我們以交易的角度思考人類關係 作為人類的我們會感到很不舒服 我們必須用一種更人性的方式 去思考人類關係和與他人交往
Here's an idea as to how to do so. Look at words like "please," "thank you," "you're welcome" in other languages. Look at the literal translation of these words. Each of these words is a word that helps us impose upon other people in our social networks. And so, the word "thank you," if you look at it in Spanish, Italian, French, "gracias," "grazie," "merci" in French. Each of them are "grace" and "mercy." They are godly words. There's nothing economic or transactional about those words. The word "you're welcome" is interesting. The great persuasion theorist Robert Cialdini says we've got to get our favors back. So we need to emphasize the transaction a little bit more. He says, "Let's not say 'You're welcome.' Instead say, 'I know you'd do the same for me.'" But sometimes it may be helpful to not think in transactional ways, to eliminate the transaction, to make it a little bit more invisible. And in fact, if you look in Chinese, the word "bú kè qì" in Chinese, "You're welcome," means, "Don't be formal; we're family. We don't need to go through those formalities." And "kembali" in Indonesian is "Come back to me." When you say "You're welcome" next time, think about how you can maybe eliminate the transaction and instead strengthen that social tie. Maybe "It's great to collaborate," or "That's what friends are for."
給大家提供一個解決方法 觀察其他語言中 請 謝謝 不客氣 等等詞彙 是如何表達的 這幾個詞都幫助我們在關係網中 讓別人接受我們 因此 謝謝 這個詞 在西班牙語 意大利語 法語中分別是 gracias grazie merci 它們都含有grace(優雅)和mercy(仁慈) 它們都是神聖的單詞 這些話語中沒有經濟交易的含義 不客氣 這個詞則很有趣 偉大的說服理論學家 羅伯特·科拉迪尼說 我們需要別人能對我們的幫助以回報 因此我們會稍微帶上一點交易色彩 他表示 我們不要說 不客氣 改成說 我知道你也會這樣對我的 但有時候 也許不從交易角度思考 把交易的意味沖淡一些 會更有幫助 事實上 如果參考中文 You're welcome 是不客氣 意思是 我們都是自家人 用不著客套 在印度尼西亞語中 不客氣是kembali 意思是再來找我 當你下次說 You're welcome 時 思考一下如何能夠 消除這種交易的感覺 從而設法加強社交聯繫 也許換成 與你合作很愉快 這就是朋友應該做的 會更好
I want you to think about how you think about this ticket that you have to travel your social universe. Here's one metaphor. It's a common metaphor: "Life is a journey." Right? It's a train ride, and you're a passenger on the train, and there are certain people with you. Certain people get on this train, and some stay with you, some leave at different stops, new ones may enter. I love this metaphor, it's a beautiful one. But I want you to consider a different metaphor. This one is passive, being a passenger on that train, and it's quite linear. You're off to some particular destination. Why not instead think of yourself as an atom, bumping up against other atoms, maybe transferring energy with them, bonding with them a little and maybe creating something new on your travels through the social universe.
我還希望大家可以思考一下你擁有的 打開人際網絡大門的鑰匙 有一個比喻 它很普通 說的是 生活就是一次旅行 它是一次火車之旅 如果你是列車上的乘客 身邊會有一些特定的人 有些人會乘坐這趟列車 有些人會陪著你 有些人會在不同的車站離開 新的人又會上車 我喜愛這個比喻 它很美 但是我希望你能思考另一個比喻 因為這個比喻太被動了 作為列車的乘客 你的軌跡太單調了 你總會在某個特定地點下車 為什麼不把自己想成是 一個原子 在社交的宇宙中 與其他原子碰撞 也許與他們傳遞能量 與他們建立親密聯繫 甚至創造出新的東西
Thank you so much. And I hope we bump into each other again.
非常感謝 我希望我們能夠再次見到彼此
(Applause)
（掌聲）
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