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My mouth felt dry as I followed my mother into the doctor's private office and sank into a padded chair next to hers. This doctor didn't carry a stethoscope. He had a room full of gadgets and gizmos to analyze the learning abilities of failing students. That day he had analyzed me.
我跟着妈妈走进医生办公室,一屁股坐到妈妈旁边的一把软椅子上,感觉口干舌燥.医生没有戴听诊器,他的房间里满是小装置和小玩意儿,那是用来分析成绩不好的学生是否具有学习障碍的.那天,他给我作了全面检查.
He shuffled papers and jabbed his wire frame glasses with a forefinger. "I'm sorry to tell you this, Mrs. Dow, but Peter has dyslexia. A fairly severe case."
医生不紧不慢地翻看着病历,然后用食指推了推金丝边的眼镜,说："我很遗憾地告诉你,杜夫人,彼得患的是阅读障碍,比较严重."
I swallowed and tried to breathe. The doctor went on. "He'll never read above the fourth-grade level. Since he won't be able to complete high school requirements, I suggest you enroll him in a trade school where he can learn to work with his hands."
我局促不安,几乎要窒息了,并努力使自己的心情平静下来.医生接着说："他顶多能读到四年级,既然无法上高中,我建议你还是让他去上职业学校吧,那样,他还能学到一些手艺."
I didn't want to go to trade school. I wanted to be a preacher, like my dad. My eyes were filled with tears, but I forced them back. A twelve-year-old was too big to cry.
我不要去职校,我还要像爸爸一样当牧师呢.我热泪盈眶,却强忍住了,我十二岁了,已经是大孩子了,不能再哭了.
Mom stood up, so I jumped to my feet, too. "Thank you, Doctor," she said. "Come along, Peter."
妈妈站了起来,我也跟着从椅子上跳了起来."谢谢您,医生!"她说,"走吧,彼得."
We drove home without saying much. I felt numb. Dyslexia? I'd never heard the word until last week. Sure, I was always the slowest kid in my class. During recess I had a special hiding place behind a shrub. There I would cry because I couldn't do my lessons no matter how hard I tried.
我们没再说什么,便开车回了家.我麻木了,阅读障碍?直到上周我才听说还有这么一种病.的确,我总是班里反应最慢的一个,课间休息时,我总会跑到灌木丛后边去,那是我所拥有的藏身之处.我会躲在那里,偷偷地流泪,因为无论我怎么努力,成绩总是不尽如人意.
Of course, I never told my mom about that part of school. I was too ashamed. I didn't want to worry her, either. She had enough on her mind with teaching school full-time and taking care of Dad, my two brothers, my sister and me.
当然了,我从未把这些事情告诉妈妈,我很羞愧.况且,我也不想让她为我担心,她在学校里全天上课已够心烦的了,而且她还要照顾爸爸和我们兄弟姐妹四人.
Mom and I arrived home before the rest of the family. I was glad. I wanted some time alone. With my chin almost touching my chest, I pulled off my coat and hung it in the closet. When I turned around my mother was standing right in front of me. She didn't say anything. She just stood there looking into my eyes with tears running down her cheeks. Seeing her cry was too much for me. Before I knew what was happening, I was in her arms bawling like a big baby. A few minutes later, she led me into the living room to the couch.
我和妈妈到家时,其他人都还没回来.我很高兴,我想一个人待一会儿.我垂头丧气地脱下外套,把它挂到壁橱里.当我转身时,妈妈就站在我的面前,她一句话也没说,只是站在那儿默默地看着我,眼泪簌簌地滑过她的脸.看到她哭得那么伤心,我心里难受极了.不知为什么,我扑到她的怀里像个宝宝似的大哭起来.几分钟后,她把我带到客厅的沙发那儿.
"Sit down, honey. I want to talk to you."
"坐下吧,亲爱的,我想和你聊聊."
I rubbed my eyes with my sleeve and waited, plucking at the crease in my trousers.
我用袖口抹了抹眼泪,等着她开口,我的手不由自主地摆弄着裤子上的皱褶.
"You heard what the doctor said about your not finishing school. I don't believe him."
"你都听到了,医生说你不能完成学业,但我不相信."
I stopped sniffling and looked at her. Her mild blue eyes smiled into mine. Behind them lay an iron will. "We'll have to work very hard, you and I, but I think we can do it. Now that I know what the problem is, we can try to overcome it. I'm going to hire a tutor who knows about dyslexia. I'll work with you myself evenings and weekends." Her eyebrows drew down as she peered at me. "Are you willing to work, Peter? Do you want to try?"
我停止了抽泣,盯着她看,她微笑着,那漂亮的蓝眼睛温柔地注视着我,在这温柔的背后隐藏着她无比坚强的意志."我们必须齐心协力,我想我们一定能成功.既然我已经知道问题的症结所在,我们可以努力克服它.我打算给你请一位懂得如何应对阅读障碍的家庭教师,每天晚上和周末我来陪你一起学习."她凝视着我,说："彼得,你想努力学习吗?你愿意尝试一下吗?"
A ray of hope shone through the hazy future. "Yes, Mom. I really want to."
一道希望的曙光照亮了我那无法预知的未来生活."妈妈,我愿意尝试."
The next six years were an endurance run for both of us. I studied with a tutor twice a week until I could haltingly read my lessons. Each night, my mom and I sat at my little desk and rehearsed that day's schoolwork for at least two hours, sometimes until midnight. We drilled for tests until my head pounded and the print blurred before my eyes. At least twice a week, I wanted to quit. I had the strength of a kitten, but my mom's courage never wavered.
对我和妈妈来说,接下来的六年就像是漫长的耐力跑.家庭教师一周教我两次,直到我能结结巴巴地读出所学的课文.妈妈每晚陪我坐在小书桌旁,复习当天学校里学的课业,每晚至少要两个小时,有时甚至会到半夜.我们反复地做试卷上的习题,最后我头昏得都看不清卷子和书上的字了.每周至少两次,我都想中途放弃了.我的意志时而坚强时而脆弱,而母亲从未动摇过.
She'd rise early to pray over my school day. A thousand times I heard her say, "Lord, open Peter's mind today. Help him remember the things we studied."
每天她都早早起床,为我的学业祈祷.我千万次地听到她说："仁慈的上帝啊,开动彼得的脑筋,让他记住我们学过的所有知识吧."
Her vision reached beyond the three R's. Twice I won at statewide speech competitions. I participated in school programs and earned a license to work as an announcer on a local radio station.
她对我的要求远远超出了学校所要求的读、写、算的三项基本技能.在州里举办的演讲比赛中,我两次获奖.我参加了学校的活动,并获得了地方电台播音员资格证书.
Then my mother developed chronic migraines during my senior year. She blamed the headaches on stress. Some days the intense pain kept her in bed. Still she'd come to my room in the evening, wearing her robe, an ice pack in her hand, to study with me.
我上高三时,妈妈患上了慢性偏头痛,她说是压力过大所致.有时头疼得厉害,她不得不卧床休息,晚上她还是照旧穿着睡袍来到我的房间,手上攥着一包冰块,陪我学习.
We laughed and cried when I passed my senior finals. Two days before graduation I talked to my mother and father about Bible college. I wanted to go, but I was afraid.
我顺利地通过了高中毕业考试,我们激动得又哭又笑.毕业前两天,我向父母提到想去基督教神学院,我说我想去那所学院读书,可又怕进不去.
Mom said, "Apply at the Bible Institute in our town. You can live at home, and I'll help you."
妈妈说："申请我们镇里那所神学院吧,你还可以住家里,我仍能陪你一起学习."
I put my arms around her and hugged her close, a baseball-sized lump in my throat.
我激动得说不出话来,紧紧地拥抱了她.
A week after graduation, my mom felt a stabbing pain in her head. She became disoriented for just a moment, but seemed to be all right. It was another migraine, she thought, so she went to bed. That night Dad tried to wake her. She was unconscious.
毕业后的一星期,妈妈的头疼得更厉害了,如刀割一般.有一小会儿她有些失常,但似乎不是什么大问题,她以为是偏头痛又发作,就上床休息了.那天晚上,爸爸努力想把她唤醒,她却完全失去了知觉.
A few hours later, a white-coated doctor told us Mom had an aneurysm that had burst. A massive hemorrhage left us no hope. She died two days later.
几个小时后,一位穿白大褂的医生对我们说,妈妈是动脉瘤恶化,造成了大出血.我们已经无法挽回她的生命,两天后,妈妈便去世了.
My grief almost drowned me. For weeks I walked the floor all night, sometimes weeping, sometimes staring at nothing. Did I have a future without my mother? She was my eyes, my understanding, my life. Should I still enroll in Bible school? The thought of going on alone filled me with terror. But, deep inside, I knew I had to move on to the next step, for her.
我几乎难以承受失去妈妈的巨大悲痛,接连几个星期,我整夜在地板上踱来踱去,时而哭泣,时而发呆.没有了妈妈,我的未来将会怎样?她是我的双眼、我的生命,是我最知心的人.我是否还要去神学院呢?一想到未来的一切都要靠我自己,一种莫名的恐惧袭上心头.但是,在我的内心深处,我坚定了要走好下一步的信念,为了我的妈妈,我要走下去.
When I brought home the first semester's books and course outlines, I sat in the chair at my little desk. With trembling fingers, I opened my history book and began to read the first chapter. Suddenly, I looked over at the chair she used to sit in. It was empty, but my heart was full.
我把第一学期的教材和大纲带回了家,坐在小书桌前,我用颤抖的双手打开历史课本,开始读第一课.突然,我看了一眼妈妈常坐的那把椅子,上面空空的,我的心却十分踏实.
Mom's prayers still followed me. I could feel her presence. I could sense her faith.
妈妈的祈祷时刻伴随着我.我能感觉到她就在我左右,并能感受到她对我的信心.
In my graduation testimony I said, "Many people had a part in making Bible college a success for me. The person who helped me most is watching from Heaven tonight. To her I say, 'Thank you, Mom, for having faith in God and faith in me. You will always be with me.'"
在大学毕业典礼发言时,我讲道："在神学院的求学生涯中,我得到过许多人的帮助,得以顺利地读完大学.对我给予帮助和鼓励最大的人此刻正在天堂遥望着我,我要对她说：‘感谢您,妈妈!是您对上帝的信仰和对我的信心,才使我能有今天的成就.您将永远驻留在我的心间.'"
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