Give Children Their Room 給孩子一點空間
In this age of Internet chat, videogames and reality television, there is no shortage of mindless activities to keep a child occupied. Yet, despite the competition, my 8-year-old daughter Rebecca wants to spend her leisure time writing short stories. She wants to enter one of her stories into a writing contest, a competition she won last year.
在這個充斥著網絡聊天、電子遊戲和真人秀的時代中，不乏各種無需動腦的活動充斥著孩子們的頭腦。儘管它們都在爭搶孩子們的時間，我八歲的女兒瑞貝卡卻喜歡把她的業餘時間用來寫短篇故事。她想拿她的故事參加一個寫作比賽，去年她曾在那個比賽中獲勝。
As a writer I know about winning contests, and about losing them. I know what it is like to work hard on a story only to receive a rejection slip from the publisher. I also know the pressures of trying to live up to a reputation created by previous victories. What if she doesn’t win the contest again? That’s the strange thing about being a parent. So many of our own past scars and dashed hopes can surface.
作為一個作家我很瞭解贏得比賽與輸掉比賽的感受。我知道自己很努力地寫出一篇文章卻遭到出版商退稿時的那種感覺。我也知道竭盡全力去維持過去的輝煌為你帶來的聲譽方面的壓力。如果她不能再次贏得比賽怎麼辦？那就是作為父母的很奇怪的想法。我們自己過去的傷疤和破碎的希望又再次浮現。
A revelation came last week when I asked her, “Don’t you want to win again?” “No,” she replied, “I just want to tell the story of an angel going to first grade.”
直到上個星期，我得到了啟示。我問她你想再贏一次嗎？” “不，”女兒回答，“我只想告訴大家一個天使上一年級的故事。”
I had just spent weeks correcting her stories as she spontaneously told them. Telling myself that I was merely an experienced writer guiding the young writer across the hall, I offered suggestions for characters, conflicts and endings for her tales. The story about a fearful angel starting first grade was quickly “guided” by me into the tale of a little girl with a wild imagination taking her first music lesson. I had turned her contest into my contest without even realizing it.
當女兒自發地講起她的故事時，我花了幾個星期的時間來給她修改。一次一次地告誡自己只是一個有些經驗的作家在指導一個小作家成長而已，關於她的故事的角色、衝突和結尾我都提供了一下建議。在我的指導下，這個原來要上一年級的惴惴不安的小天使的故事，變成了一個有著偉大夢想的小女孩在上她的第一堂音樂課的故事。在不知不覺中我竟把她的比賽變成了我的比賽。
Staying back and giving kids space to grow is not as easy as it looks. Because I know very little about farm animals who use tools or angels who go to first grade, I had to accept the fact that I was co-opting (借用)my daughter’s experience.
放手給孩子空間成長不像看起來那麼容易。因為我對能用工具的農場動物，或者一年級的小天使一無所知，我不得不承認我借用了女兒的經歷。
While stepping back was difficult for me, it was certainly a good first step that I will quickly follow with more steps, putting myself far enough away to give her room but close enough to help if asked. All the while I will be reminding myself that children need room to experiment, grow and find their own voices.
雖然站在孩子的後面對我來說有些艱難，但是我將在邁出這關鍵的第一步之後繼續努力，讓自己站得足夠遠，以讓她有足夠的發展空間，同時又能在她需要的時候離她足夠近。我還會一直提醒自己:孩子需要經歷、成長和找到自己心聲的空間。
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