聽力原文如下
<code>1.So, I'll start with this: a couple years ago, an event planner called me because I was going to do a speaking event.
那我就這麼開始吧： 幾年前，一個活動策劃人打電話給我， 因為我當時要做一個演講。
2.And she called, and she said, "I'm really struggling with how to write about you on the little flier."
她在電話裡說： “我真很苦惱該如何在宣傳單上 介紹你。”
3.And I thought, "Well, what's the struggle?"
我心想，怎麼會苦惱呢？
4.And she said, "Well, I saw you speak, and I'm going to call you a researcher, I think, but I'm afraid if I call you a researcher, no one will come,
她繼續道：“你看，我聽過你的演講， 我覺得我可以稱你為研究者， 可我擔心的是，如果我這麼稱呼你，沒人會來聽，
5.because they'll think you're boring and irrelevant."
因為大家普遍認為研究員很無趣而且脫離現實。”
6.(Laughter) And I was like, "Okay."
（笑聲） 好。
7.And she said, "But the thing I liked about your talk is you're a storyteller.
然後她說：“但是我喜歡你的演講， 就跟講故事一樣很吸引人。
8.So I think what I'll do is just call you a storyteller."
我想來想去，還是覺得稱你為講故事的人比較妥當。”
9.And of course, the academic, insecure part of me was like, "You're going to call me a what?"
而那個做學術的，感到不安的我 脫口而出道：“你要叫我什麼？”
10.And she said, "I'm going to call you a storyteller."
她說：“我要稱你為講故事的人。"
11.And I was like, "Why not magic pixie?"
我心想：”為什麼不乾脆叫魔法小精靈？“
12.(Laughter) I was like, "Let me think about this for a second."
（笑聲） 我說：”讓我考慮一下。“
13.I tried to call deep on my courage.
我試著鼓起勇氣。
14.And I thought, you know, I am a storyteller.
我對自己說，我是一個講故事的人。
15.I'm a qualitative researcher.
我是一個從事定性研究的科研人員。
16.I collect stories; that's what I do.
我收集故事；這就是我的工作。
17.And maybe stories are just data with a soul.
或許故事就是有靈魂的數據。
18.And maybe I'm just a storyteller.
或許我就是一個講故事的人。
19.And so I said, "You know what?
於是我說：”聽著，
20.Why don't you just say I'm a researcher-storyteller."
要不你就稱我為做研究兼講故事的人。“
21.And she went, "Haha. There's no such thing."
她說：”哈哈，沒這麼個說法呀。“
22.(Laughter) So I'm a researcher-storyteller, and I'm going to talk to you today -- we're talking about expanding perception -- and so I want to talk to you and tell some stories
（笑聲） 所以我是個做研究兼講故事的人， 我今天想跟大家談論的-- 我們要談論的話題是關於拓展認知-- 我想給你們講幾個故事
23.about a piece of my research that fundamentally expanded my perception and really actually changed the way that I live and love and work and parent.
是關於我的一份研究的， 這份研究從本質上拓寬了我個人的認知， 也確確實實改變了我生活、愛、 工作還有教育孩子的方式。
24.And this is where my story starts.
我的故事從這裡開始。
25.When I was a young researcher, doctoral student, my first year I had a research professor who said to us, "Here's the thing, if you cannot measure it, it does not exist."
當我還是個年輕的博士研究生的時候， 第一年，有位研究教授 對我們說： ”事實是這樣的， 如果有一個東西你無法測量，那麼它就不存在。“
26.And I thought he was just sweet-talking me.
我心想他只是在哄哄我們這些小孩子吧。
27.I was like, "Really?" and he was like, "Absolutely."
我說：“真的麼？” 他說：“當然。”
28.And so you have to understand that I have a bachelor's in social work, a master's in social work, and I was getting my Ph.D. in social work,
你得知道 我有一個社會工作的學士文憑，一個社會工作的碩士文憑， 我在讀的是一個社會工作的博士文憑，
29.so my entire academic career was surrounded by people who kind of believed in the "life's messy, love it."
所以我整個學術生涯 都被人所包圍， 他們大抵相信 生活是一團亂麻，接受它。
30.And I'm more of the, "life's messy, clean it up, organize it and put it into a bento box."
而我的觀點則傾向於，生活是一團亂麻， 解開它，把它整理好， 再歸類放入便當盒裡。
31.(Laughter) And so to think that I had found my way, to found a career that takes me -- really, one of the big sayings in social work
（笑聲） 我覺得我領悟到了關鍵， 有能力去創一番事業，讓自己-- 真的，社會工作的一個重要理念是
32.is, "Lean into the discomfort of the work."
置身於工作的不適中。
33.And I'm like, knock discomfort upside the head and move it over and get all A's.
我就是要把這不適翻個底朝天 每科都拿到A。
34.That was my mantra.
這就是我當時的信條。
35.So I was very excited about this.
我當時真的是躍躍欲試。
36.And so I thought, you know what, this is the career for me, because I am interested in some messy topics.
我想這就是我要的職業生涯， 因為我對亂成一團，難以處理的課題感興趣。
37.But I want to be able to make them not messy.
我想要把它們弄清楚。
38.I want to understand them.
我想要理解它們。
39.I want to hack into these things I know are important and lay the code out for everyone to see.
我想侵入那些 我知道是重要的東西 把它們摸透，然後用淺顯易懂的方式呈獻給每一個人。
40.So where I started was with connection.
所以我的起點是“關係”。
41.Because, by the time you're a social worker for 10 years, what you realize is that connection is why we're here.
因為當你從事了10年的社會工作， 你必然會發現 關係是我們活著的原因。
42.It's what gives purpose and meaning to our lives.
它賦予了我們生命的意義。
43.This is what it's all about.
就是這麼簡單。
44.It doesn't matter whether you talk to people who work in social justice and mental health and abuse and neglect, what we know is that connection,
無論你跟誰交流 工作在社會執法領域的也好，負責精神健康、虐待和疏於看管領域的也好 我們所知道的是，關係
45.the ability to feel connected, is -- neurobiologically that's how we're wired -- it's why we're here.
是種感應的能力-- 生物神經上，我們是這麼被設定的-- 這就是為什麼我們在這兒。
46.So I thought, you know what, I'm going to start with connection.
所以我就從關係開始。
47.Well, you know that situation where you get an evaluation from your boss, and she tells you 37 things you do really awesome, and one thing -- an "opportunity for growth?"
下面這個場景我們再熟悉不過了， 你的上司給你作工作評估， 她告訴了你37點你做得相當棒的地方， 還有一點--成長的空間？
48.(Laughter) And all you can think about is that opportunity for growth, right?
（笑聲） 然後你滿腦子都想著那一點成長的空間，不是麼。
49.Well, apparently this is the way my work went as well, because, when you ask people about love, they tell you about heartbreak.
這也是我研究的一個方面， 因為當你跟人們談論愛情， 他們告訴你的是一件讓他們心碎的事。
50.When you ask people about belonging, they'll tell you their most excruciating experiences of being excluded.
當你跟人們談論歸屬感， 他們告訴你的是最讓他們痛心的 被排斥的經歷。
51.And when you ask people about connection, the stories they told me were about disconnection.
當你跟人們談論關係， 他們跟我講的是如何被斷絕關係的故事。
52.So very quickly -- really about six weeks into this research -- I ran into this unnamed thing that absolutely unraveled connection in a way that I didn't understand or had never seen.
所以很快的--在大約開始研究這個課題6周以後-- 我遇到了這個前所未聞的東西 它揭示了關係 以一種我不理解也從沒見過的方式。
53.And so I pulled back out of the research and thought, I need to figure out what this is.
所以我暫停了原先的研究計劃， 對自己說，我得弄清楚這到底是什麼。
54.And it turned out to be shame.
它最終被鑑定為恥辱感。
55.And shame is really easily understood as the fear of disconnection: Is there something about me that, if other people know it or see it,
恥辱感很容易理解， 即害怕被斷絕關係。 有沒有一些關於我的事 如果別人知道了或看到了，
56.that I won't be worthy of connection?
會認為我不值得交往。
57.The things I can tell you about it: it's universal; we all have it.
我要告訴你們的是： 這種現象很普遍；我們都會有（這種想法）。
58.The only people who don't experience shame have no capacity for human empathy or connection.
沒有體驗過恥辱的人 不具有人類的同情或關係。
59.No one wants to talk about it, and the less you talk about it the more you have it.
沒人想談論自己的糗事， 你談論的越少，你越感到可恥。
60.What underpinned this shame, this "I'm not good enough," -- which we all know that feeling: "I'm not blank enough. I'm not thin enough,
滋生恥辱感的 是一種“我不夠好."的心態-- 我們都知道這是個什麼滋味： ”我不夠什麼。我不夠苗條，
61.rich enough, beautiful enough, smart enough, promoted enough."
不夠有錢，不夠漂亮，不夠聰明， 職位不夠高。“
62.The thing that underpinned this was excruciating vulnerability, this idea of, in order for connection to happen, we have to allow ourselves to be seen,
而支撐這種心態的 是一種刻骨銘心的脆弱， 關鍵在於 要想產生關係， 我們必須讓自己被看見，
63.really seen.
真真切切地被看見。
64.And you know how I feel about vulnerability. I hate vulnerability.
你知道我怎麼看待脆弱。我恨它。
65.And so I thought, this is my chance to beat it back with my measuring stick.
所以我思考著，這次是輪到我 用我的標尺擊潰它的時候了。
66.I'm going in, I'm going to figure this stuff out, I'm going to spend a year, I'm going to totally deconstruct shame, I'm going to understand how vulnerability works,
我要闖進去，把它弄清楚， 我要花一年的時間，徹底瓦解恥辱， 我要搞清楚脆弱是怎麼運作的，
67.and I'm going to outsmart it.
然後我要智取勝過它。
68.So I was ready, and I was really excited.
所以我準備好了，非常興奮。
69.As you know, it's not going to turn out well.
跟你預計的一樣，事與願違。
70.(Laughter) You know this.
（笑聲） 你知道這個（結果）。
71.So, I could tell you a lot about shame, but I'd have to borrow everyone else's time.
我能告訴你關於恥辱的很多東西， 但那樣我就得佔用別人的時間了。
72.But here's what I can tell you that it boils down to -- and this may be one of the most important things that I've ever learned in the decade of doing this research.
但我在這兒可以告訴你，歸根到底 -- 這也許是我學到的最重要的東西 在從事研究的數十年中。
73.My one year turned into six years: thousands of stories, hundreds of long interviews, focus groups.
我預計的一年 變成了六年， 成千上萬的故事， 成百上千個採訪，焦點集中。
74.At one point, people were sending me journal pages and sending me their stories -- thousands of pieces of data in six years.
有時人們發給我期刊報道， 發給我他們的故事 -- 不計其數的數據，就在這六年中。
75.And I kind of got a handle on it.
我大概掌握了它。
76.I kind of understood, this is what shame is, this is how it works.
我大概理解了這就是恥辱， 這就是它的運作方式。
77.I wrote a book, I published a theory, but something was not okay -- and what it was is that, if I roughly took the people I interviewed
我寫了本書， 我出版了一個理論， 但總覺得哪裡不對勁 -- 它其實是， 如果我粗略地把我採訪過的人
78.and divided them into people who really have a sense of worthiness -- that's what this comes down to, a sense of worthiness -- they have a strong sense of love and belonging --
分成 具有自我價值感的人 -- 說到底就是 自我價值感 -- 他們勇於去愛並且擁有強烈的歸屬感 --
79.and folks who struggle for it, and folks who are always wondering if they're good enough.
另一部分則是為之苦苦掙扎的人， 總是懷疑自己是否足夠好的人。
80.There was only one variable that separated the people who have a strong sense of love and belonging and the people who really struggle for it.
區分那些 敢於去愛 並擁有強烈歸屬感的人 和那些為之而苦苦掙扎的人的變量只有一個。
81.And that was, the people who have a strong sense of love and belonging believe they're worthy of love and belonging.
那就是，那些敢於去愛 並擁有強烈歸屬感的人 相信他們值得被愛，值得享有歸屬感。
82.That's it.
就這麼簡單。
83.They believe they're worthy.
他們相信自己的價值。
84.And to me, the hard part of the one thing that keeps us out of connection is our fear that we're not worthy of connection, was something that, personally and professionally,
而對於我， 那個阻礙人與人之間關係的最困難的部分 是我們對於自己不值得享有這種關係的恐懼， 無論從個人，還是職業上
85.I felt like I needed to understand better.
我都覺得我有必要去更深入地瞭解它。
86.So what I did is I took all of the interviews where I saw worthiness, where I saw people living that way, and just looked at those.
所以接下來 我找出所有的採訪記錄 找出那些體現自我價值的，那些持有這種觀念的記錄， 集中研究它們。
87.What do these people have in common?
這群人有什麼共同之處？
88.I have a slight office supply addiction, but that's another talk.
我對辦公用品有點痴迷， 但這是另一個話題了。
89.So I had a manila folder, and I had a Sharpie, and I was like, what am I going to call this research?
我有一個牛皮紙文件夾，還有一個三福極好筆， 我心想，我該怎麼給這項研究命名呢？
90.And the first words that came to my mind were whole-hearted.
第一個蹦入我腦子的是 全心全意這個詞。
91.These are whole-hearted people, living from this deep sense of worthiness.
這是一群全心全意，靠著一種強烈的自我價值感在生活的人們。
92.So I wrote at the top of the manila folder, and I started looking at the data.
所以我在牛皮紙夾的上端這樣寫道， 而後我開始查看數據。
93.In fact, I did it first in a four-day very intensive data analysis, where I went back, pulled these interviews, pulled the stories, pulled the incidents.
事實上，我開始是 用四天時間 集中分析數據， 我從頭找出那些採訪，找出其中的故事和事件。
94.What's the theme? What's the pattern?
主題是什麼？有什麼規律？
95.My husband left town with the kids because I always go into this Jackson Pollock crazy thing, where I'm just like writing and in my researcher mode.
我丈夫帶著孩子離開了小鎮， 因為我老是陷入像傑克遜.波洛克（美國近代抽象派畫家）似的瘋狂狀態， 我一直在寫， 完全沉浸在研究的狀態中。
96.And so here's what I found.
下面是我的發現。
97.What they had in common was a sense of courage.
這些人的共同之處在於 勇氣。
98.And I want to separate courage and bravery for you for a minute.
我想在這裡先花一分鐘跟大家區分一下勇氣和膽量。
99.Courage, the original definition of courage, when it first came into the English language -- it's from the Latin word cor, meaning heart --
勇氣，最初的定義， 當它剛出現在英文裡的時候 -- 是從拉丁文cor，意為心，演變過來的 --
100.and the original definition was to tell the story of who you are with your whole heart.
最初的定義是 真心地敘述一個故事，告訴大家你是誰的。
101.And so these folks had, very simply, the courage to be imperfect.
所以這些人 就具有勇氣 承認自己不完美。
102.They had the compassion to be kind to themselves first and then to others, because, as it turns out, we can't practice compassion with other people
他們具有同情心， 先是對自己的，再是對他人的， 因為，事實是，我們如果不能善待自己，
103.if we can't treat ourselves kindly.
我們也無法善待他人。
104.And the last was they had connection, and -- this was the hard part -- as a result of authenticity, they were willing to let go of who they thought they should be
最後一點，他們都能和他人建立關係， -- 這是很難做到的-- 前提是他們必須坦誠， 他們願意放開自己設定的那個理想的自我
105.in order to be who they were, which you have to absolutely do that for connection.
以換取真正的自我， 這是贏得關係的 必要條件。
106.The other thing that they had in common was this: They fully embraced vulnerability.
他們還有另外一個共同之處 那就是， 他們全然接受脆弱。
107.They believed that what made them vulnerable made them beautiful.
他們相信 讓他們變得脆弱的東西 也讓他們變得美麗。
108.They didn't talk about vulnerability being comfortable, nor did they really talk about it being excruciating -- as I had heard it earlier in the shame interviewing.
他們不認為脆弱 是尋求舒適， 也不認為脆弱是鑽心的疼痛 -- 正如我之前在關於恥辱的採訪中聽到的。
109.They just talked about it being necessary.
他們只是簡單地認為脆弱是必須的。
110.They talked about the willingness to say, "I love you" first, the willingness to do something where there are no guarantees, the willingness
他們會談到願意 說出"我愛你"， 願意 做些 沒有的事情， 願意
111.to breathe through waiting for the doctor to call after your mammogram.
等待醫生的電話， 在做完乳房X光檢查之後。
112.They're willing to invest in a relationship that may or may not work out.
他們願意為情感投資， 無論有沒有結果。
113.They thought this was fundamental.
他們覺得這些都是最根本的。
114.I personally thought it was betrayal.
我當時認為那是背叛。
115.I could not believe I had pledged allegiance to research, where our job -- you know, the definition of research is to control and predict, to study phenomena,
我無法相信 我盡然對科研宣誓效忠 -- 研究的定義是 控制（變量）然後預測，去研究現象，
116.for the explicit reason to control and predict.
為了一個明確的目標， 去控制並預測。
117.And now my mission to control and predict had turned up the answer that the way to live is with vulnerability and to stop controlling and predicting.
而我現在的使命 即控制並預測 卻給出了這樣一個結果：要想與脆弱共存 就得停止控制，停止預測
118.This led to a little breakdown -- (Laughter) -- which actually looked more like this.
於是我崩潰了 -- （笑聲） -- 其實更像是這樣。
119.(Laughter) And it did.
（笑聲） 它確實是。
120.I call it a breakdown; my therapist calls it a spiritual awakening.
我稱它為崩潰，我的心理醫生稱它為靈魂的覺醒。
121.A spiritual awakening sounds better than breakdown, but I assure you it was a breakdown.
靈魂的覺醒當然比精神崩潰要好聽很多， 但我跟你說那的確是精神崩潰。
122.And I had to put my data away and go find a therapist.
然後我不得不暫且把數據放一邊，去求助心理醫生。
123.Let me tell you something: you know who you are when you call your friends and say, "I think I need to see somebody.
讓我告訴你：你知道你是誰 當你打電話跟你朋友說：“我覺得我需要跟人談談。
124.Do you have any recommendations?"
你有什麼好的建議嗎？“
125.Because about five of my friends were like, "Wooo. I wouldn't want to be your therapist."
因為我大約有五個朋友這麼回答： ”喔。我可不想當你的心理醫生。“
126.(Laughter) I was like, "What does that mean?"
（笑聲） 我說：”這是什麼意思？“
127.And they're like, "I'm just saying, you know.
他們說：”我只是想說，
128.Don't bring your measuring stick."
別帶上你的標尺來見我。“
129.I was like, "Okay."
我說：”行。“
130.So I found a therapist.
就這樣我找到了一個心理醫生。
131.My first meeting with her, Diana -- I brought in my list of the way the whole-hearted live, and I sat down.
我跟她，戴安娜，的第一次見面 -- 我帶去了一份表單 上面都是那些全身心投入生活的人的生活方式，然後我坐下了。
132.And she said, "How are you?"
她說：”你好嗎？“
133.And I said, "I'm great. I'm okay."
我說：”我很好。還不賴。“
134.She said, "What's going on?"
她說：”發生了什麼事？“
135.And this is a therapist who sees therapists, because we have to go to those, because their B.S. meters are good.
這是一個治療心理醫生的心理醫生， 我們不得不去看這些心理醫生， 因為他們的廢話測量儀很準（知道你什麼時候在說真心話）。
136.(Laughter) And so I said, "Here's the thing, I'm struggling."
（笑聲） 所以我說： “事情是這樣的。我很糾結。”
137.And she said, "What's the struggle?"
她說：“你糾結什麼？”
138.And I said, "Well, I have a vulnerability issue.
我說：”嗯，我跟脆弱過不去。
139.And I know that vulnerability is the core of shame and fear and our struggle for worthiness, but it appears that it's also the birthplace
而且我知道脆弱是 恥辱和恐懼的根源 是我們為自我價值而掙扎的根源， 但它同時又是
140.of joy, of creativity, of belonging, of love.
歡樂，創造性， 歸屬感，愛的源泉。
141.And I think I have a problem, and I need some help."
所以我覺得我有問題， 我需要幫助。“
142.And I said, "But here's the thing: no family stuff, no childhood shit."
我補充道：”但是， 這跟家庭無關， 跟童年無關。“
143.(Laughter) "I just need some strategies."
（笑聲） “我只需要一些策略。”
144.(Laughter) (Applause) Thank you.
（笑聲） （掌聲） 謝謝。
145.So she goes like this.
戴安娜的反應是這樣的。
146.(Laughter) And then I said, "It's bad, right?"
（笑聲） 我接著說：“這很糟糕，對麼？”
147.And she said, "It's neither good nor bad."
她說：“這不算好，也不算壞。”
148.(Laughter) "It just is what it is."
（笑聲） “它本身就是這樣。”
149.And I said, "Oh my God, this is going to suck."
我說：“哦，我的天，要悲劇了。”
150.(Laughter) And it did, and it didn't.
（笑聲） （悲劇）果然發生了，但又沒有發生。
151.And it took about a year.
大概有一年的時間。
152.And you know how there are people that, when they realize that vulnerability and tenderness are important, that they surrender and walk into it.
你知道的，有些人 當他們發現脆弱和溫柔很重要的時候， 他們放下所有戒備，欣然接受。
153.A: that's not me, and B: I don't even hang out with people like that.
（我要聲明）一，這不是我， 二，我朋友裡面也沒有這樣的人。
154.(Laughter) For me, it was a yearlong street fight.
（笑聲） 對我來說，那是長達一年的鬥爭。
155.It was a slugfest.
是場激烈的混戰。
156.Vulnerability pushed, I pushed back.
脆弱打我一拳，我又還擊它一拳。
157.I lost the fight, but probably won my life back.
最後我輸了， 但我或許贏回了我的生活。
158.And so then I went back into the research and spent the next couple of years really trying to understand what they, the whole-hearted,
然後我再度投入到了我的研究中， 又花了幾年時間 真正試圖去理解那些全身心投入生活的人，
159.what choices they were making, and what are we doing with vulnerability.
他們做了怎樣的決定， 他們是如何應對 脆弱的。
160.Why do we struggle with it so much?
為什麼我們為之痛苦掙扎？
161.Am I alone in struggling with vulnerability?
我是獨自在跟脆弱鬥爭嗎？
162.No.
不是。
163.So this is what I learned.
這是我學到的：
164.We numb vulnerability -- when we're waiting for the call.
我們麻痺脆弱 -- （例如）當我們等待（醫生）電話的時候。
165.It was funny, I sent something out on Twitter and on Facebook that says, "How would you define vulnerability?
好笑的是，我在Twitter微博和Facebook上發佈了一條狀態， “你怎樣定義脆弱？
166.What makes you feel vulnerable?"
什麼會讓你感到脆弱？“
167.And within an hour and a half, I had 150 responses.
在1個半小時內，我收到了150條回覆。
168.Because I wanted to know what's out there.
因為我想知道 大家都是怎麼想的。
169.Having to ask my husband for help because I'm sick, and we're newly married; initiating sex with my husband; initiating sex with my wife;
（回覆中有）不得不請求丈夫幫忙， 因為我病了，而且我們剛結婚； 跟丈夫提出要做愛； 跟妻子提出要做愛；
170.being turned down; asking someone out; waiting for the doctor to call back; getting laid off; laying off people -- this is the world we live in.
被拒絕；約某人出來； 等待醫生的答覆； 被裁員；裁掉別人-- 這就是我們生活的世界。
171.We live in a vulnerable world.
我們活在一個脆弱的世界裡。
172.And one of the ways we deal with it is we numb vulnerability.
我們應對的方法之一 是麻痺脆弱。
173.And I think there's evidence -- and it's not the only reason this evidence exists, but I think it's a huge cause -- we are the most in-debt,
我覺得這不是沒有依據 -- 這也不是依據存在的唯一理由， 我認為我們當代問題的一大部分都可以歸咎於它 -- 在美國曆史上，我們是欠債最多，
174.obese, addicted and medicated adult cohort in U.S. history.
肥胖， 毒癮、用藥最為嚴重 的一代。
175.The problem is -- and I learned this from the research -- that you cannot selectively numb emotion.
問題是 -- 我從研究中認識到 -- 你無法選擇性地麻痺感情。
176.You can't say, here's the bad stuff.
你不能說，這些是不好的。
177.Here's vulnerability, here's grief, here's shame, here's fear, here's disappointment.
這是脆弱，這是悲哀，這是恥辱， 這是恐懼，這是失望，
178.I don't want to feel these.
我不想要這些情感。
179.I'm going to have a couple of beers and a banana nut muffin.
我要去喝幾瓶啤酒，吃個香蕉堅果松餅。
180.(Laughter) I don't want to feel these.
（笑聲） 我不想要這些情感。
181.And I know that's knowing laughter.
我知道臺下傳來的是會意的笑聲。
182.I hack into your lives for a living.
別忘了，我是靠“入侵”你們的生活過日子的。
183.God.
天哪。
184.(Laughter) You can't numb those hard feelings without numbing the other affects, our emotions.
（笑聲） 你無法只麻痺那些痛苦的情感 而不麻痺所有的感官，所有的情感。
185.You cannot selectively numb.
你無法有選擇性地去麻痺。
186.So when we numb those, we numb joy, we numb gratitude, we numb happiness.
當我們麻痺那些（消極的情感）， 我們也麻痺了歡樂， 麻痺了感恩， 麻痺了幸福。
187.And then we are miserable, and we are looking for purpose and meaning, and then we feel vulnerable, so then we have a couple of beers and a banana nut muffin.
然後我們會變得痛不欲生， 我們繼而尋找生命的意義， 然後我們感到脆弱， 然後我們喝幾瓶啤酒，吃個香蕉堅果松餅。
188.And it becomes this dangerous cycle.
危險的循環就這樣這形成了。
189.One of the things that I think we need to think about is why and how we numb.
我們需要思考的一件事是 我們是為什麼，怎麼樣麻痺自己的。
190.And it doesn't just have to be addiction.
這不一定是指吸毒。
191.The other thing we do is we make everything that's uncertain certain.
我們麻痺自己的另一個方式是 把不確定的事變得確定。
192.Religion has gone from a belief in faith and mystery to certainty.
宗教已經從一種信仰、一種對不可知的相信 變成了確定。
193.I'm right, you're wrong. Shut up.
我是對的，你是錯的。閉嘴。
194.That's it.
就是這樣。
195.Just certain.
只要是確定的就是好的。
196.The more afraid we are, the more vulnerable we are, the more afraid we are.
我們越是害怕，我們就越脆弱， 然後我們變得愈加害怕。
197.This is what politics looks like today.
這件就是當今政治的現狀。
198.There's no discourse anymore.
探討已經不復存在。
199.There's no conversation.
對話已經蕩然無存。
200.There's just blame.
有的僅僅是指責。
201.You know how blame is described in the research?
你知道研究領域是如何描述指責的嗎？
202.A way to discharge pain and discomfort.
一種發洩痛苦與不快的方式。
203.We perfect.
我們追求完美。
204.If there's anyone who wants their life to look like this, it would be me, but it doesn't work.
如果有人想這樣塑造他的生活，那個人就是我， 但這行不通。
205.Because what we do is we take fat from our butts and put it in our cheeks.
因為我們做的只是把屁股上的贅肉 挪到我們的臉上。
206.(Laughter) Which just, I hope in 100 years, people will look back and go, "Wow."
（笑聲） 這真是，我希望一百年以後， 當人們回過頭來會不禁感嘆：”哇！“
207.(Laughter) And we perfect, most dangerously, our children.
（笑聲） 我們想要，這是最危險的， 我們的孩子變得完美。
208.Let me tell you what we think about children.
讓我告訴你我們是如何看待孩子的。
209.They're hardwired for struggle when they get here.
從他們出生的那刻起，他們就註定要掙扎。
210.And when you hold those perfect little babies in your hand, our job is not to say, "Look at her, she's perfect.
當你把這些完美的寶寶抱在懷裡的時候， 我們的任務不是說：”看看她，她完美的無可挑剔。“
211.My job is just to keep her perfect -- make sure she makes the tennis team by fifth grade and Yale by seventh grade."
而是確保她保持完美 -- 保證她五年級的時候可以進網球隊，七年級的時候穩進耶魯。
212.That's not our job.
那不是我們的任務。
213.Our job is to look and say, "You know what? You're imperfect, and you're wired for struggle, but you are worthy of love and belonging."
我們的任務是注視著她，對她說， “你知道嗎？你並不完美，你註定要奮鬥， 但你值得被愛，值得享有歸屬感。”
214.That's our job.
這才是我們的職責。
215.Show me a generation of kids raised like that, and we'll end the problems I think that we see today.
給我看用這種方式培養出來的一代孩子， 我保證我們今天有的問題會得到解決。
216.We pretend that what we do doesn't have an effect on people.
我們假裝我們的行為 不會影響他人。
217.We do that in our personal lives.
不僅在我們個人生活中我們這麼做，
218.We do that corporate -- whether it's a bailout, an oil spill, a recall -- we pretend like what we're doing doesn't have a huge impact on other people.
在工作中也一樣 -- 無論是緊急救助，石油洩漏， 還是產品召回 -- 我們假裝我們做的事 對他人不會造成什麼大影響。
219.I would say to companies, this is not our first rodeo, people.
我想對這些公司說：嘿，這不是我們第一次牛仔競技。
220.We just need you to be authentic and real and say, "We're sorry.
我們只要你坦誠地，真心地 說一句："對不起，
221.We'll fix it."
我們會處理這個問題。“
222.But there's another way, and I'll leave you with this.
但還有一種方法，我把它留給你們。
223.This is what I have found: to let ourselves be seen, deeply seen, vulnerably seen; to love with our whole hearts, even though there's no guarantee --
這是我的心得： 卸下我們的面具，讓我們被看見， 深入地被看見， 即便是脆弱的一面； 全心全意地去愛， 儘管沒有任何擔保 --
224.and that's really hard, and I can tell you as a parent, that's excruciatingly difficult -- to practice gratitude and joy in those moments of terror,
這是最困難的， 我也可以告訴你，作為一名家長，這個非常非常困難 -- 帶著一顆感恩的心，保持快樂 哪怕是在最恐懼的時候
225.when we're wondering, "Can I love you this much?
哪怕我們懷疑：”我能不能愛得這麼深？
226.Can I believe in this this passionately?
我能不能如此熱情地相信這份感情？
227.Can I be this fierce about this?"
我能不能如此矢志不渝？“
228.just to be able to stop and, instead of catastrophizing what might happen, to say, "I'm just so grateful, because to feel this vulnerable means I'm alive."
在消極的時候能打住，而不是一味地幻想事情會如何變得更糟， 對自己說：”我已經很感恩了， 因為能感受到這種脆弱，這意味著我還活著。“
229.And the last, which I think is probably the most important, is to believe that we're enough.
最後，還有最重要的一點， 那就是相信我們已經做得夠好了。
230.Because when we work from a place, I believe, that says, "I'm enough,"
因為我相信當我們在一個 讓人覺得“我已經足夠了”的環境中打拼的時候
231.then we stop screaming and start listening, we're kinder and gentler to the people around us, and we're kinder and gentler to ourselves.
我們會停止抱怨，開始傾聽， 我們會對周圍的人會更友善，更溫和， 對自己也會更友善，更溫和。
232.That's all I have. Thank you.
這就是我演講的全部內容。謝謝大家。/<code>
結束語
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