口譯員系列之2——中長句技巧與譯文簡潔

(上篇)英譯漢的轉換規律

漢英兩種語言主要區別在於意合和形合。英語由於有眾多的連接方式,句法結構上可以疊床架屋,盤根錯節,句式顯得非常冗長、複雜,但卻又非常完整、嚴格。常用的連接方式有:1.連詞,可以引導出多種主從複合句;2.動詞的非謂語形式,如不定式、現在分詞短語、過去分詞短語;3.介詞短語與其他的獨立成分。正因為有多種形合手段作粘合劑,英語句式在邏輯次序安排、語義重心佈置上比較自由、靈活,形態上像一串豐滿的葡萄。而漢語一般不習慣用太長的句式,行文多用竹竿般的短句,語義信息按照一定的規律編成竹竿,再沿竹竿向前流去。漢語少用虛詞,語義和邏輯關係通過語序體現。這就決定了漢語的行文安排不如英語那樣自由靈活,所以很多翻譯學習者對長句翻譯深有恐懼情緒。在英語長句的翻譯之中,萬萬不可根據語法成分的對應來決定漢語語序,否則譯文常常是佶屈聱牙,不堪卒讀。那麼,在英語長句翻譯中,有哪些規律可循呢?

一、敘事原則

漢語是臨摹型語言,在敘說一組事件時,總是接“先發生在前,後發生在後”的順序來組織句子,如:

1. Young Swain sneaked into the gallery one afternoon and blushed to the top of his ears when he saw"Trees Dressed in White", a loud raucous splash on the wall.

本句包含的動作有: sneaked, blushed,saw。接“先發生在前,後發生在後”的原則,

可譯為:一天下午,年輕的斯威恩悄悄地進畫廊。走到一幅題為“銀妝之樹”的畫前,他發現那不過是一灘在牆上的墨跡,耳朵彷彿也被刺得嗡嗡直響。他的臉一下子紅到了耳根。

2. There is nothing more disappointing to a hostess who has gone to a lot of trouble or expense than to have her guest so interested in talking politics or business with her husband that he fails to notice the flavor of the coffee, the lightness of the cake, or the attractiveness of the house which may be her chief interest and pride.

女主人用了很多心思,也花了很多費用,準備好了香噴噴的咖啡和鬆軟的糕點,並將屋內陳設裝扮得極有特色。雖然她對此饒有興趣並引以自豪,但她的客人對此卻視若無睹,只顧與丈夫談政治、談生意。還有什麼比這讓她更失望的呢!

二、論理原則

漢語在很多情況下,是按照“原因在前,結果在後”、“前提在前,結論在後”的順序來陳述因果關係的,但有些時候也將結果放前,原因放後做補充。具體如何安排原因和結果的位置,要看它們在整個語篇中和前後句子的搭配情況和句子的節奏平衡感。請看兩例:

1. A long standing reticence, perhaps born of national abhorrence of monarchies and kings,kept faces and portraits off United States coins as a regular practice until 1909, the centennial of Abraham Lincoln's birth.

句中的“ reticence”和“ silence”是近義詞,意為“ reluctance”。句子的主幹結構是:reticence kept faces and portraits off United States coins。在句子的前半部分中,“ perhaps born of national abhorrence...”和“ a long standing reticence”是因果關係,可以按論理原則來安排;綜觀整個句子,又可以用敘事原則來安排:

或許是出於國民長期以來對獨裁和君主的增恨,美國人一直不情願在線幣上刻印肖像和人物。這一慣例一直持續到1909年,即亞伯拉軍・林肯誕辰100週年時,才被打破。

2. Attracting specialized, career-focused students is one reason Stanford University Medical Center overhauled its curriculum and required students to pick a concentration by the end of their first year.

斯坦福大學重新訓整了課程體系,並要求學生在第一學年結來時選擇專業方向,其目的之一便是為了吸引想要細化專業、確定職業的學生。

三、空間視角、心理視角原則

我們在敘述一組空間上排列的事物時,一般是按照由近到遠或由遠及近的原則表達(具體選擇哪一種,要視文章中人物的視角而決定);在描述到一系列心理事件時,一般也是按照心理感觸的過程來敘說。如:

The deserted mining village, protruding pitheads overgrown with tall trees and rusty refineries behind crumbling walls situated in valleys, were surrounded by thick wooded mountain slopes, hot springs gushing out here and there.

這個句子敘述者如果按照從村外向村裡的視角方向,可以組織為:這個廢棄的採礦村子四周群山環抱,山上樹林密佈,溫熱的泉水隨處湧出;在山谷裡面,突兀著的礦井回上長著參天大樹,破敗的屋牆後是鏽跡斑斑的治煉設備。

四、對比原則

漢語在對比若干事項時,一般按照“鋪敘在前,主旨在後”的原則,將要強調的事項放在後面,以便給讀者留下深刻的印象。如:

1. Joan Werblun, volunteer executive director for Citizens for the Right to Know, said Stanford's experiment, if widely copied, could encourage specialization when managed healthcare uncreasingly "shuttles people to the general practitioner".

“市民有權知道”組織的志願執行主任瓊·沃布倉說,現在的管理醫保制度不斷推出的是普通醫生;如果斯坦福的課程試驗為眾多學校效仿,則會促進專門醫生的培養。

(本句之中 when managed healthcare increasingly“ shuttles people to the general practitioner”是表示美國現在的醫療情況,將它的譯文放在前面作為鋪敘,再將 if widely copied,could encourage specialization 即課程改革帶來的新變化作為主旨放在後面形成對比,這樣邏輯上就會清晰、明朗。)

2. Her (Mrs. Thatcher )rise, as she once described the star-is-born press coverage greeted her maiden speech in Commons, was"roses, roses all the way".

新聞界在報道她第一次在下院發表的演說並對其表示讚許時說她是一顆已經誕生的新星;撒切爾夫人在摘述這一報道時說,她是沿著一條“鋪滿玫瑰的路”冉冉升起的。

本句中難於處理的部分是 the star-is- born press coverage that greeted her maiden speech in Commons,語法成分上它雖然只是個賓語,但意義上卻重重相疊。翻譯時把這一部分放在句首當作背景,把撒切爾夫人的反應當作核心內容放於句末。

3. I, wrapt from him in a confused mist of time, was wondering what he could think, could he know that at this actual moment he would have been dead thirty years, and that his memory would be thus preserved and honored in the beloved school, where his delicate spirit had been so strangely troubled.

我對他的思緒沉漫在那繁跌不清的時間迷霧之中。我思忖著,在他逝世30年後的此時此刻,如果他能知道,在這受人愛戴的母校裡,在這曾讓他那敏感的心靈受到莫名擾動的地方,人們是這樣懷念他、稱譽他,他會作何感想呢?

將“人們對他的態度”放前、“他又會作何感想”放後,形成對比。

五、信息值比較原則

漢語在行文時,一般按照“低值信息在前,高值信息在後”、“已知信息在前,新知信息在後”、“確定信息在前,不定信息在後”的規則來陳述邏輯關係。如:

1. Physicians in training must learn a staggering array of facts required by the Liaison Committee on Medical Education, North America's accrediting authority for medical schools.

在北美,對醫科學生確認行醫資格的機構是醫學教育聯絡委員會,它要求在學的醫生必須熟記大量的材料。

(此句中 North America's accrediting authority for medical schools 是 the Liaison Committee on Medical Education 的補充解釋成分,信息價值最低;而本句中信息價值最高的部分在Physicians in training must learn a staggering array of facts,我們按照“低值信息在前,高值信息在後”的原則組織譯文,讀者覺得邏輯關係清斷、中心突出。

2. Multitudes of bees used to bury themselves in the yellow blossoms of the summer squashes. This, too, was a deep satisfaction; although, when they had laden themselves with sweets, they flew away to some unknown hive, which could give back nothing in requital of what my garden had contributed.

成群結隊的蜜蜂則喜歡一頭扎進黃色的西葫蘆花裡。當它們載滿了蜜汁,便會飛到那些我無從知曉的巢穴中,不再對我花園的奉獻作任何酬答。而我,依然是深深的心滿意足。

試比較:“成群結隊的蜜蜂則喜歡一頭扎進黃色的西葫蘆花裡。我也感到無比滿意。當它們載滿了蜜汁,便會飛到那些我無從知曉的巢穴中,不再對我花園的奉獻作任何醐答。”我們發現,第一種譯文強調的是“心滿意足”,而第二種譯文似乎在暗示讀者這群蜜蜂只求索取,沒有奉獻。這是因為中國人往往採用“逐步進入高潮式”思維模式,最後一點常常是核心信息;而英美人往往採用“高潮出發式”思維模式,核心信息常常放在句首或句中,偶爾也放在句末。原文的核心信息或高值信息是 This was a deep satisfaction, although(儘管…)一詞表明其後面部分的信息傳遞在發生轉折,並且是對前面的補充說明,因而是低值信息。所以,按照“低值信息在前,高值信息在後”的原則,第一種譯文準確地傳達了原文的主題。

六,語篇連貫原則

在運用上述語序原則時,要照顧到長句內部以及與上下文的銜接和連貫,因而有時要作局部處理,如重複關鍵詞、補充過渡信息或調整語序等等。如:

The existence of giant clouds was virtually required for the Big Bang, first put forward in the 1920s, to maintain its reign as the dominant explanation of the cosmos.

宇宙大爆炸理論是20世紀20年代首次提出來的,在解釋宇宙起源的請多理論中,這一理論佔著主導地位。而巨星雲的存在說對於該理論又幾乎是不可缺少的。

本句翻譯時首先將順譯法不好處理的 first put forward in the 1920s 提在句首翻譯,但在譯 to maintain its reign as the dominant explanation of the cosmos時,如不補充若干過渡信息,句子便無法自然連貫,所以必須加上“在解釋宇宙起源的諸多理論中”這一胞含信息作過渡。

最後,某些英語長句的結構是高值信息在前,低值信息在後,有時譯文如果按照“低值信息在前,高值信息在後”的原則組織,位於前面的低值信息很難與前一句構成有意義連貫,那種情況下首先必須保證連貫,即將高值信息部分放前,低值信息部分放後作補充,使該長句與它前面的成分能有機連貫,整個句子便體現出順譯法的特點。

口譯員系列之2——中長句技巧與譯文簡潔


(下篇)漢譯英時譯文的簡潔與精煉

英語語言的美,除了用詞準確、形象以外,還體現為句式精煉、韻律均衡、節奏感強。漢英翻譯學習者常常有譯文囉嗦、臃腫的現象,而地道的英語是極力避免這一現象的。有句名言道: Brevity is the soul of wit。應該說,簡潔是英漢語言所共同追求的目標,因為簡潔的語言不僅在字面上能形成美的節奏和韻律,在字裡行間它還能傳達樸實、真切的感情,並指向深邃、幽遠的意境。所以,我們的譯文要盡力做到惜墨如金,達到 Every word counts。

通過我們的觀察,漢英譯文中不夠簡潔、精煉基本上由兩種原因造成:一是語言基本功不夠,不知道怎樣對語言進行過濾、梳整、調合;二是過分依附於原文,雖然某些意義成分在譯文之中已經表達出來,後面漢語中再出現時,不敢或者根本沒意識到要對它作簡化處理,這樣譯文便難以卒讀。下面我們分別分析譯者在簡潔問題上所要注意的要點。

一、譯者既要了解種類詞,還要了解它之下的屬類詞,同時,還要擅長使用含有多個語義成分的詞彙。

1.漫天的大火把夜空映了個通紅。

The night sky was reddened by the sweeping fire.

2.一個麵皮千癟的老嫗

a crone

3.從他那裡漸漸探出了秘密。

I wormed the secret out of him.

4.我一時想不起這個詞了。

The word escapes me at the moment.

5.這篇文章不太好理解。

The article is elusive.

6.那裡的景色會讓您大飽眼福。

The beautiful scenery will feast your eyes.

7.他怒氣衝衝地對我們說。

He stormed/ roared/blustered at us.

8.家庭的貧因,使我無法再堅持學業。

Family poverty incapacitated me from further study.

9.他冒著飢餓的危險,跟幾個同事毅然辭職了。

Braving hunger, he resolutely resigned with several colleagues.

10.有的老牛活活渴死了,因為身體裡沒有水分,牛皮都扒不下來。

Some cows died on their feet from dehydration. And because there's no moisture in their bodies, you can hardly skin them.

二、特定的短語也能使句子簡潔、地道。

1.你要是跟我們在一起就好了!

If only you could be with us!

2.畫筆之於畫家有如鋼琴之於音樂家。

The brush is to the painter what the piano is to the musician.

3.一半是因為勞累,一半是因為氣憤,他病倒了。

What with overwork and what with indignation, he was laid up.

4.天氣一會兒冷,一會兒熱。

The weather is now cold, now hot.

5.有兩家便宜的旅館,若都不行的話,不妨還是回你從前住的地方去吧。

There are two cheap hotels, but failing either of these, you may as well go back to where you were before.

6.這本書不是一下子就能吃透的。

The book cannot be understood at one swoop.

7.他總是輕言細語地跟別人講話。

He is always soft-spoken.

8.它的眼帶出進退為難的神情。

The look in its eyes shows that the little creature is of two minds.

三、名詞化結構往往包括動作行為的邏輯內涵,但句式表現卻非常簡潔。需要注意的是,名詞化結構往往用於很正式的文體之中。

1.他貪汙了大量公款,鋃鐺入獄了。

His egregious embezzlement led to his imprisonment.

2.由於無法弄到實驗器材,實驗進展起來非常困難。

The unavailability of apparatus rendered the experiment rather difficult.

3.我家和他家住得很近,路途上也方便,所以每月都要往來一次。

The convenient proximity between the two families enabled our monthly visit.

4.由於電信、傳媒的發達,人們之間的聯繫日益緊密,地球彷彿成了地球村。

The sophistication of telecommunication and mass media brings about increasing interconnection among people and turns the globe into a village.

5.雨水一刻不歌地下著,運動會只好擱淺了。

The relentless determination of the rain wrecked the sports meeting.

6.這位老人舉止優雅,可以看得出,他從前過著非常從容的生活。

The old man's graceful appearance betrayed his previous easy days.

四、為了保持語法結構的凝練,一般說來,能用詞組、動詞非謂語形式(如不定式、現在分詞短語、過去分詞短語)、垂懸結構的地方就傾向於不用從句,能用明瞭、簡潔的結構的時候就傾向於不用複雜、臃長的結構,除非是為了達到特別的文體效果。

1.薰魚: smoked fish(請比較: fish that has been smoked,後者囉嗦)

2.漿過的衣服 starched clothes(請比較: clothes that have been starched)

3.我在報紙上讀到一篇文章,瞭解到鹽是高血壓的誘發因素。

I knew through a newspaper article that much intake of salt was an occasion of high blood pressure.(請比較: I read an article published on a newspaper and knew that...)

4.在學校裡,哪個支系的學生多就使用哪種語言,但同一支系的學生相互交談又使用本支系的語言。

In schools, the language of the branch with the majority of students dominates the conversation, yet students fom the same branch prefer their own language. (請比較:In schools, the prevalent language is the filiation that has the largest number of student speakers, yet students from otherwise same branch still talk in their own language. 不難發現,前一句充分體現出英語物稱主語的特點,而 students from the same branch prefer their own language 寥寥數語,卻將“但同一支系的學生相互交談又使用本支系的語言”的意義交代得清清楚楚。)

5.這時迎親隊伍中的“長統”走出來,鄭重其事地倒出竹裡的水酒給小姑娘喝、並送上一些喜糖和喜錢。

The Changtong will come forward and please them with wine and tip them with candies and money.(請比較: The Changtong" will come out of the troop and solemnly pour out wine for them to drink, and give them some wedding candies and money.)

6.有的地方,新娘將要進入新郎家時,新郎家大門口要栽上香蕉樹,意味子孫後代昌盛。同時還要栽上甘蔗,意味著新生活節節甜。

In some places, the bridegroom plants some banana trees and sugar canes in front of his house, the banana trees a wish for the prosperity of later generations, and the sugar canes a sweet sign of a happy life. (請比較: In some places, as the bride is to enter the bridegroom's home, banana trees are planted in front of the house praying for offspring's prosperity. Meanwhile, sugar canes are also planted with the hope that the new life is sweet in every section as the sugar cane.

7.(新娘)羞蓋答答,不言不語,來到了一道路障前。

Shy and quiet, she finds herself in front of a road barrier.

8.人把它捕捉,將它製成標本,作為一種商品去出售,價錢越來越高。

People capture it, make a specimen of it and sell it in the market at increasingly high prices.

9.我不指望你出名,只願你身體好,沒病沒災的。

I don't expect you to be famous. All I want is for you to stay healthy, and safe from misfortune.

10.即使想起她,也是想起那個抱著剛滿月的孩子,雙膝跪在母親面前的,臉色蒼白,兩眼盈淚的小姨。

The thought of aunt brought back her image as she knelt in front of Mother, her face pale and tearstained, her month-old infant in her arms.

11.他不多說話,但常常微笑。

He was a man of few words, but of all smiles.

12.這是私人房產。房東並不因為它完全不像個樣子就將房錢壓得便宜些。

The house was privately owned, and the landlord would not reduce the rent however ramshackle condition of the structure.

五、和英語相比,漢語在形式上不太嚴密,這表現在有時字面意義和蘊涵意義的相隔,有時漢語句群中或句子中意義因素的相對重複。對此,譯者要有清醒的認識,不可過於依附原文字面結構,而要對其中重複的語義因素進行剪裁、過濾、消腫。

1.當它合起兩張翅膀的時候,像長在樹枝上的一張乾枯的樹葉。誰也不去注意它,誰也不瞧它一眼。

When it closes its wings it resembles a withered tree leaf hanging from a branch——scarcely noticeable to the human eyes.(“誰也不去注意它,誰也不瞧它一眼”是語義重複,翻譯時可以省去一個小句)

2.窗ロ下,會有幾個攤點賣著西瓜什麼的,在他們的頭頂方向,是電信塔樓和城市報時鐘。

Below the window were several melon stalls, and above them was the Telecom Tower with a big clock on top of it.(如果將“城市報時鐘”按字面譯為 topped with the turret clock telling the city time,譯文將是臃腫不堪)

3.赫賽的重溫天津之夢結束了。當我在車廂和他話別時,他滿懷激情地說……

When Hersey's visit to Tianjin was over and I got on board the train to say good-bye(“重溫天津之夢”不可譯為 the dream of visiting Tianjin,否則,不但會使譯文增重還會使譯文的意義發生改變。)

4.只要這個人看得起我們,我們就會將我們全家真摯的、充滿敬愛和感激的情意奉獻給這個人。

As long as that someone would meet us face to face, we would offer our most heartfelt gratitude and affection.(“真摯的、充滿敬愛和感激的情意”不可照字面譯為 sincere,respectful and grateful affection。)

5.母親停止了切菜,轉臉瞧著她說……

Mother stopped cutting cabbage and wheeled around.(“瞧著她說”根據上下文語境可以省去不譯。)

6.三月裡劉薰宇君來信,說互生病了,而且是沒有希望的病。

In March I heard from Mr. Liu Xunyu that Husheng was sick and hopelessly at that.( and hopelessly at that 就將“而且是沒有希望的病”的語勢簡潔地表達出來,沒有必要譯為 and it was a hopeless sickness)

7.他辦立達便飲食坐臥只惦著立達,再不想別的。

When he was running Lida School, he had all his thoughts on the school,whatever he dd.(“飲食坐臥”不可按字面譯為 when eating, sitting or sleeping)

8.你剛開口說由哪兒來的時候,一杯很熱的濃茶,就在你的下巴上。

Scarcely have you begun to tell them where you come from when a cup of hot and strong tea is handed over to you.(“遞在你的下巴上”如果譯為 hand over to your chin,不但複雜,讓英語讀者也覺得唐突。)

9.不同的支系的青年男女戀愛敘衷腸時,男子往往主動使用女子支系的語言,以示愛慕之心。

When a boy is in love with a girl from a different branch, the boy usually speaks in the girl's language voluntarily to show respect(請比較:如果譯成 when a boy and a girl,who are from different branches, are in love with each other, the boy usually speaks in the girl' s language voluntarily to show his respect.則過分貼附於字面了。)

10.憶昔當年,日寇強敵入境,山河破碎,風雨飄搖。日寇軍間窮兇極惡,遣無數本國精壯,到海外屠殺無辜……

During the war, the atrocious Japanese militarists sent Japanese armies to China to slaughter the innocent people, bringing the country to the point of disintegration. (譯文中“山河破碎,風雨飄搖”譯為 bringing the country to the point of disintegration 即可,沒有必要分別譯出兩個短語。)


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