Oh, Brother
我愛我的哥哥
I used to feel doomed . I used to worry that I would grow up to be like my brother. I didn't understand why Eric behaved the way he did, and I was afraid I'd catch his problems. Now I understand that my brother and I are different.
我以前常常覺得一切都是命中註定。我常常擔心自己長大了會像哥哥一樣。我以前不明白為什麼埃裡克會是那個樣子，也很害怕自己會變成他那樣。現在我明白了，哥哥和我是不一樣的。
Eric has Asperger's syndrome . It means he has a hard time making friends. Sometimes he screams and cries, and he worries about everything. Crowds and noises make him uncomfortable, he hates the way some foods feel on his tongue, and he tears the labels out of his clothes. He doesn't like to be touched. But most of all, having Asperger's syndrome can mean feeling lonely. I think Eric sometimes feels like a puzzle piece that doesn't fit the puzzle. It looks like it should fit, but it doesn't.
埃裡克患有埃斯伯格症。這就意味著他很難和別人交朋友。有時他會大哭大叫，對什麼事都感到焦慮不安。人群和噪音會令他心神不寧。他討厭某些食物的口感，還把衣服上的標籤扯掉。他不喜歡別人碰他。最糟糕的是，患有埃斯伯格症可能意味著感到孤獨。我覺得埃裡克有時感覺就像拼圖玩具中不合適的一塊——看著好像能拼上去， 實際上卻不能。
I'm only eight, but everyone asks me to be understanding and patient with Eric. Sometimes it's too much—I just want to be a normal child with a normal family. Sometimes I wish I could just go to live with a different family, or stay in a hotel, just to get away.
我只有八歲，可是大家都要我體諒埃裡克，要對他有耐心。有時候真讓人受不了——我只想做一個正常的孩子，擁有一個正常的家庭。有時候我希望自己去另一個家庭生活，或者去住旅館，只要能逃離就好。
Even little things, like getting ready to go out, take ages. Eric can never leave the house without certain toys. It doesn't matter how late we are; he has to find the toys he needs. If he can't find them, he has a tantrum . I get scared, then. When he's having a tantrum, he screams and throws things. He says horrible things-that he hates me, and that I'm stupid-or he hits me. Sometimes I feel like I am the only kid who has to deal with all this. That makes me feel lonely.
即使是一點點小事，比如準備出門，都要拖拖拉拉很長時間。埃裡克要是不帶上他那幾樣玩具就絕不肯走出大門。不管我們晚了多久，他一定得找到他要的那些玩具。如果找不到，他就大發脾氣。每當這時候，我就會很害怕。他發脾氣的時候會尖聲叫喊，亂摔東西。他要麼說一些很難聽的話——他說他恨我，說我是個蠢貨——要麼就揍我。有時候我覺得自己是唯一一個不得不應付這種事的小孩子。這讓我覺得很孤獨。
But other times I feel protective of him. Eric gets very nervous with people he doesn't know. When he gets nervous, he doesn't know what to say or do, so he just stands there looking scared. And when he gets scared, he has tics —sometimes he shakes his head, sometimes he sniffs or coughs a lot, sometimes he throws things up in the air, and sometimes he picks at his skin or cuts his clothes. My family is used to his tics, but most kids think it's weird, so they tease him. I am not afraid of other kids. If I was there when they bullied him, I would tell them to leave him alone.
但是有的時候，我覺得我想保護他。埃裡克在他不認識的人面前特別緊張。他一緊張就不知道該說什麼或者做什麼，因此他就只是站在那裡，看上去嚇壞了的樣子。他害怕的時候就會抽搐——有時候會搖頭，有時候會使勁抽吸鼻子或者不停咳嗽，有時候會把東西扔到半空中，有時候會掐自己的皮膚或剪自己的衣服。我們家的人對他的抽搐已經習以為常，但是別的孩子大多會覺得他行為古怪，便嘲笑他。我不怕那些孩子。我要是看到他們欺負他，就會警告他們離他遠一 點。
Eric is very funny and he likes to act silly a lot of the time. I usually enjoy watching him—he makes me laugh. But sometimes I just don't feel silly. I ask him to stop, but he doesn't. It really gets on my nerves ! Other times, Eric comes into my room while I'm sleeping and wakes me up. He knows I'm sleeping, but he wants to be with me. I know that he feels lonely,so I don't want to get cross , but I really hate it when he wakes me up.
埃裡克非常逗，他經常喜歡裝傻充愣。我經常喜歡看他表演——他能逗笑我。但是有的時候我不想犯傻。我要他停下來，可他就是不停，真把我氣壞了。有時候，埃裡克會在我睡覺的時候到我房間裡來，把我弄醒。他明知我在睡覺，可他還是想和我玩。我知道他感到孤單，所以我不想對他發脾氣，但是我真的很討厭他把我弄醒。
It's even hard sometimes when Eric just wants to show me he loves me. He likes to hug me or give me a kiss. I love him too, but sometimes it bothers me the way he shows his love: he hugs me too tight, or gives me slobbery kisses. Mum tries to teach him how to be gentle, but he just doesn't seem to get it.
甚至有時，埃裡克只是想表示一下他愛我都不是件容易的事。他喜歡抱我或者親我。我也愛他，可是有時他表達愛的方式真讓我受不了：他要不就把我抱得太緊，要不就口水嗒拉地親我。媽媽也試著教他怎樣動作輕一點，可他似乎就是學不會。
I know that Eric needs special help, but sometimes I resent that he gets to do special things, even though he misbehaves. And Mum and Dad spend lots of money to get help for Eric, which means that we don't have money left for fun things like holidays.
我知道埃裡克需要特殊的幫助，但是有時候即使他表現很差還能受到特殊待遇，我就會覺得很生氣。爸爸媽媽為了給埃裡克治病花了很多錢，這樣我們就沒有錢去享受諸如度假之類的樂事了。
Sometimes I feel embarrassed about him. Eric's 13, but he still likes to dress up like his favorite TV characters. He always wants me to play along, which is fine when we are at home. But I feel silly when he wants me to do it in public, like at the supermarket.
有時候我會為他而感到很難為情。埃裡克都13歲了，還喜歡打扮得像他最喜歡的電視劇裡的人物一樣。他總是要我也這樣陪他玩。在家裡的時候倒也沒什麼，可是在公共場合，比如在超市，他還要我這樣，我就覺得太傻了。
Sometimes I don't want to talk to my friends about Eric because I am embarrassed to tell them about the things that he does. I am afraid that people in my school will know that he is my brother, and they won't want to be my friends. But even though Eric bothers me sometimes, I miss him when he is gone. I enjoy being away from him for a couple of hours, but I hate it when he is away for a long time.
有時候我不願和朋友們談論埃裡克，因為說起他做的那些事我會覺得很難堪。我怕學校裡的人知道他是我哥哥，怕他們不想再和我做朋友。可儘管埃裡克有時會讓我心煩，如果他不在我還挺想他的。離開他幾個小時我會很開心，但是如果長時間離開他我就不樂意了。
Eric doesn't have many friends. When I play with Eric, he wants everything to be his way and he likes to do the same things over and over again. He likes to watch the same TV programme, listen to the same songs, and play the same games. If he says or does something to make you laugh, he will keep doing it even after it isn't funny any more. He never knows when to stop.
埃裡克朋友不多。我和他一起玩的時候，什麼事情都要按他說的辦，而且他喜歡重複做一件事情。他喜歡看同樣的電視節目，聽同樣的幾首歌，玩同樣的幾個遊戲。如果他說了什麼或做了什麼把你逗笑了，儘管那已經不再好笑了，他還會老說老做。他從不知道什麼時候該停。
I feel sad that Eric's life is so hard for him. I wish he had more friends. I wish school were easier for him. I wish he didn't have to have tantrums. I wish he could be happy more of the time. Sometimes I even think that he has changed and I start to trust him. He does his homework or takes a shower without complaining, and then I think that maybe he will be all right after all.
埃裡克的生活真是太艱難了，我為他感到難過。我希望他能有更多的朋友；我希望他能更加適應學校生活；我希望他不要總是發脾氣；我希望他快樂的時候能更多一些。有時我甚至覺得他已經變了， 我開始信任他了。他做作業或洗澡時不再滿腹牢騷，這時候我就想， 或許他終究會好起來的。
Eric's behavior upsets Mum and Dad, and I don't want them to be unhappy, so I often feel that I can't make mistakes or do anything wrong because they will end up being even more upset. For example, when Dad cooks something new, Eric won't taste it. Sometimes he has a tantrum if someone asks him to eat something he doesn't think he will like. It can ruin the whole dinner. So I feel like I have to eat everything Dad makes and say "It's great!" even if I don't really like it.
埃裡克的行為讓爸爸媽媽很傷心。我不想看到他們不高興，所以我常常覺得自己不能犯錯誤或做錯事，因為那樣會讓他們更難過。比如說，爸爸要是做了什麼新菜，埃裡克是不會去嘗一口的。有時候要是別人讓他吃他覺得自己不會喜歡的東西，他就會大發脾氣，那這一頓飯就算是毀了。所以我覺得爸爸做什麼我就應該吃什麼，哪怕我並不是真的喜歡，也要說“味道棒極了”。
Even though Mum and Dad tell me that I don't have to fix the family's problems, I still feel that I have to do it. Trying to be perfect is very exhausting.
雖然爸爸媽媽叫我不必操心家裡的這些事兒，可我覺得我不得不操心。要想把什麼都做得完美真是太讓人身心疲憊了。
I spend even more time with Eric than Mum and Dad. I always feel that I have to watch him to make sure that he's OK. It's hard to have fun while you are worrying about someone else. Sometimes I feel like I'm the older brother even though I'm not.
我和埃裡克在一起的時間比爸爸媽媽和他在一起的時間還多。我總覺得我得看著他點兒，別讓他有什麼閃失。當你擔心著別人時，就很難玩得開心。儘管我是弟弟，有時候卻覺得我是哥哥。
Deep down, I know Eric doesn't do it on purpose. I know that he feels scared when he is out of control, and I know he regrets saying mean things to me. So, no matter what Eric says or does, I always forgive him. I always still love him.
在我內心深處，我知道埃裡克不是故意要那樣的。我知道當他無法自控時就會感到害怕，我知道他在辱罵我之後會感到內疚。所以，無論埃裡克說了什麼或做了什麼，我都原諒他。我仍然會愛他。
Eric can make me laugh so hard that I can't breathe. When I cry, he tries anything and everything he can think of to make me happy. He brings me stuffed animals and acts silly to make me laugh. He waits for me when I'm busy and he likes to pick me up from the school bus. He takes me for rides on his skateboard. He tries to get me interested in things that are important to him. Eric helps me find things when I lose them. He always knows where I am and what I am doing. He worries if I am not where he expects me to be.In his own way, he watches out for me and tries to take care of me. He loves me.
埃裡克能讓我笑得喘不過氣兒來。在我哭泣的時候，他想方設法地逗我開心。他給我拿毛絨填充動物玩具，做傻乎乎的動作逗我笑。如果我在忙，他會等著我；他還喜歡到校車停靠站接我回家；他用滑板帶我一起玩。對於那些他覺得重要的東西，他極力想讓我也產生興趣。我要是丟了東西，埃裡克會幫我找。他總是知道我在哪兒、在幹什麼。要是我不在他認為我應該在的地方，他就會擔心。他以他自己的方式看護著我、照顧著我。他愛我。
Even though life is a challenge for Eric, he never stops trying. I am proud of him.
儘管生活對埃裡克而言是一種挑戰，但是他從來沒有停止過努力。我為他感到驕傲。
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