Education is now getting more and more attention in the public, since it is indispensable to the future career of a student. Under such back ground, there is a heated debate about whether the teacher should be paid with regard to their students’ performances. As far as I am concerned, I think it is rational to do that.
段落1：修改建議
1. 單複數 attention 此處有 單複數 錯誤
1. 拼寫錯誤 back ground 這句有 單詞拼寫 錯誤
段落點評
開頭闊以
It seems unfair that if we execute such policy, there will be a pretty large salary gap between teachers, which shows a disrespect towards the low-reward teachers. However, if we reconsider that it is totally reasonable that people gain what they have done and how well they have done. Although all the teacher have to prepare for their classes , stand in front of the classroom for a period, revise students mistake in their homework, the extent of their hand-working could be completely different, which could be reflected by the performance of their students.
段落2：修改建議
1. 後添加 teachers 後面 可以添加：who also make efforts but gain no excellent students' performance
2. 拼寫錯誤 hand-working 這句有 單詞拼寫 錯誤
段落點評
看似合理句邏輯不完整，還有注意細節
It will be a encouragement for the good teacher, who could obtain high salary due to the implementation, to enhance their teaching quality by further study via various ways like attending some lecture provided by the remarkable and renowned teacher, reading more relative books and materials even going abroad for further study. The high salary is a recognition of his teaching method , so when tasting such sense of achievement, the professor will be more ambitious to learn some other good teaching method and perfect his own teaching way, where the students could even learn better and perform better, which could be a great cycle. Take my TOEFL speaking teacher Fiona for example, who has been teaching English for 20 years, she is remarkable and famous for her unique teaching style and method. She was not that familiar and experienced about education in her early career, but she had worked really hard figuring out the most efficient and direct means for students to understand and learn better. Eventually, she did that after 3-year study in the one of the most famous universities overseas——the Harvard, which cost her a lot but worth that.
段落3：修改建議
1. 替換 a 這部分內容 可以替換為：an
段落點評
開始還不錯，寫到後面大力，我完全看不出來和她的工資的關係。。。
Moreover, the low-reward teacher will definitely take great effort to find out the problem in his teaching. They will pay more attention to the student’s performance instead of just teaching them during the 45 minutes class time. There is a survey done by the China daily, it shows that 88 percent students think that their teacher are more care about their reflection and the extent of their absorption of the knowledge after similar policy has been implemented. One of the interviewers says that, they whole class used to have trouble keeping pace with the teacher, before they understand the last point, the new point is teaching by the teacher. However, the teacher now is taking special attention to their reflection, and trying to talk in a relatively slow speed, which is a great help to their study.
段落4：修改建議
1. 替換 They 這部分內容 可以替換為：In order to ensure their income level they
2. 單複數 teacher 此處有 單複數 錯誤
3. 替換 are 這部分內容 可以替換為：tend to be
4. 替換 implemented 這部分內容 可以替換為：enhanced
5. 拼寫錯誤 這句有 單詞拼寫 錯誤
6. 拼寫錯誤 they 這句有 單詞拼寫 錯誤
7. 替換 before 這部分內容 可以替換為：where before
8. 替換 is teaching by the teacher 這部分內容 可以替換為：has already been taught by the teacher
9. 替換 reflection 這部分內容 可以替換為：responses
段落點評
這個段落還不錯，注意在合適的地方加上扣題的表達
All in all, implementing such policy will bring a lot of merits. Not only will benefit the teacher themselves but also good for the student. The teacher could try their best to find a most proper way to educating the student efficiently, and the student’s suggestion could be treated very seriously since their performance is closely related to the teacher.
段落5：修改建議
無
總評表達的精準度還有欠缺，然後就是你除了開頭，後面都沒怎麼體現出題目的內容，所以扣題性也有欠缺，尤其在第一個主體段後面的大力法
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