这个贴是2天前reddit网友上发的，当时看到了就感觉特别有意思，不过美国JRS之声没有在虎扑发这篇。当时骑士输球，我不想发出来被认为开会嘲讽之类的。今天骑士赢了而且周日有空，所以就翻译了这个贴以及一些高亮的评论，因为英语水平有限，翻译不到位的地方请大家指出（有些我完全不能理解的梗就没放上来，有兴趣的欢迎去看原帖…）。只是搬运来让大家开心一下而已，不存在黑谁或者开会，希望大家不要误会。看球嘛，开心最重要~
Atlanta Hawks
亚特兰大老鹰
LeBron is secretly a huge Twister fan. He will join the Hawks so he can film Twister 2 with their owner’s wife on their off days.
詹姆斯私下里是电影《龙卷风》的铁粉。他会加入老鹰队，这样他就可以在休息的时候和球队老板的妻子一起拍摄《龙卷风2》。
注：老鹰老板的妻子是电影《龙卷风》的女主角。
Boston Celtics
波士顿凯尔特人
LeBron misses Kyrie. He wants to play basketball with his friend and that means playing for the Celtics.
詹姆斯想念欧文。他想要和他的朋友欧文一起打球，这意味着为绿衫军效力。
Brooklyn Nets
布鲁克林篮网
LeBron loves NY. He will go to New York to sign with the Knicks to play in historic Madison Square Garden. However, during the drive to the stadium, his driver makes a wrong turn and they end up in Brooklyn. LeBron realizes the mistake, but shrugs his shoulders and signs with the Nets instead, because he will have the same results with either the Knicks or Nets.
詹姆斯喜欢纽约。他会前往纽约与尼克斯队签约，在历史悠久的麦迪逊广场花园主场作战。然而在前往球场的路上，司机转错了一个弯，他们最终来到了布鲁克林。詹姆斯意识到了这个错误但只是耸了耸肩，并和篮网签约，因为二者都在纽约，殊途同归。
夏洛特黄蜂
LeBron wants to prove he’s better than Michael Jordan. He will sign with the Hornets to taunt MJ directly. He will win the Finals in 2019 with the Hornets and won’t let MJ touch the trophy. After the season, LeBron will buy out MJ’s shares and he will become majority owner. He will then trade himself to a better team because Dwight is too annoying and nobody will agree to LeBron’s trade proposals involving Dwight.
詹姆斯想要证明他比迈克尔-乔丹更强。他会与黄蜂签约来直接嘲讽乔丹。他会为黄蜂赢下2019年总决赛，然后不让乔丹摸奖杯。19赛季过后，詹姆斯会买断乔丹的股份，并变成球队的大股东。然后他会把自己交易到一个更好的队，因为火花太烦了，而且没人同意詹姆斯的包括火花在内的交易方案。
Chicago Bulls
芝加哥公牛
LeBron wants to prove he’s better than Michael Jordan. He will sign with the Bulls so he can win 7 championships to pass what MJ did.
詹姆斯想要证明他比迈克尔-乔丹更强。他会和公牛签约这样他就能为公牛赢得7个总冠军来超越乔丹所做到的。
Dallas Mavericks
达拉斯独行侠
LeBron is still haunted by the 2011 Finals. He will go to Dallas to learn from the true GOAT Dirk Nowitzki. There, LeBron will lead the Mavs all the way to the number 1 seed in the West, only to lose to the Warriors in the first round after KD leaves for India to re-join his snek charmer friend.
詹姆斯仍然没有从2011年总决赛的阴影中走出来。他会去达拉斯向真正的史上最佳德克-诺维茨基学习。在那里，詹姆斯会带领独行侠一直冲到西部第一，结果在首轮就被缺少去了印度加入耍蛇朋友的杜兰特的勇士黑八。
注：此处用了杜兰特的毒蛇梗和小牛07年被勇士黑八的梗。
Denver Nuggets
丹佛掘金
LeBron loves chicken nuggets. He will sign with Denver, only to be disappointed. He then will retire and start his own chicken nugget company.
詹姆斯爱吃鸡(金)块，他会和丹佛签约然后大失所望。然后他就会退役然后自己开一家鸡块公司。
Detroit Pistons
底特律活塞
LeBron will become the new Pistons President of Basketball Operations. His first act in his new role will be to sign himself as the head coach/starting SF. His second transaction will be to trade Blake Griffin to the Cavs for the 8th pick in the draft and salary filler, because LeBron will blackmail Dan Gilbert into doing it.
詹姆斯将成为新的活塞队篮球运营总裁。 他新官上任第一把火将是自己担任主教练/首发小前。 他的第二笔交易是将布莱克-格里芬交易给骑士队，并通过勒索骑士老板得到8号签和添头。
Golden State Warriors
金州勇士
LeBron wants all the ringz. He will sign with the Warriors for the veteran minimum so he can win not 1, not 2, not 3, not 4, not 5, not 6, not 7, not 8, not 9, but 10 championships.
詹姆斯想要所有的戒指。他会以老将底薪加盟勇士，这样他可以赢得不是1个，不是2个，不是3个，不是4个，不是5个，不是6个，不是7个，不是8个，不是9个，而是10个总冠军。
Houston Rockets
休斯敦火箭
LeBron loves space. He will sign with the Rockets so he can go to NASA and fly an actual rocket into space to find better competition on other planets. Mike Dan Tony will be confused why LeBron doesn’t show up to their games. Mike, he’s in space, deal with it.
詹姆斯喜欢太空。他会和火箭签约，然后去美国国家航空航天局乘坐真正的火箭进入太空，在其他星球上寻求更棒的竞争。迈克-丹-托尼会对詹姆斯缺席比赛感到困惑。德帅，老詹在太空遨游呢，快叫他回来打球！
注：Space也指球场上的空间，双关义
Indiana Pacers
印第安纳步行者
LeBron loves pace. He will sign with the Pacers so he can out-pace the other NBA players and win a championship. He will also become best friends with Lance Stephenson and the two will call out plays to each other by blowing in each other’s rear, I mean ear.
詹姆斯喜欢速度。他会和步行者签约这样他会比其他球员都快然后赢得总冠军。他也会和师弟成为最好的朋友，并且两人会打电话约出来玩，在对方的那里吹气。我是说耳朵！
注：步行者(Pacers) Pace一词也有速度的意思。
LA Clippers
洛杉矶快船
LeBron wants to live in Hollywood, but doesn’t want to be under the shadow of Laker greats. If he can just lead the Clippers to the conference finals, they would rename their franchise LeBron’s Clippers.
詹姆斯想要住在好莱坞，但不想在湖人辉煌的阴影下生活。如果他能带领快船打入西决，他们会把洛杉矶快船队改名为勒布朗快船队。
LA Lakers
洛杉矶湖人
LeBron wants to live in Hollywood, but doesn’t want to be under the shadow of Clipper goods. He also wants to learn from the great Lavar Ball on how to play basketball as good as him.
詹姆斯想要住在好莱坞，但不想在快船产品的阴影下生活。他也想要向伟大的拉瓦尔-鲍尔学习如何打球打得像他一样好。
注：快船产品寓指微软，快船老板鲍尔默是微软前首席执行官。
Memphis Grizzlies
孟菲斯灰熊
LeBron will not sign with the Memphis Grizzlies.
詹姆斯不会和孟菲斯灰熊签约。
Miami Heat
迈阿密热
LeBron will go back to Miami because he left his white headband there and wants it back.
詹姆斯会重返迈阿密因为他把他的白色发带落在了那里，他想要拿回来。
Milwaukee Bucks
密尔沃基雄鹿
LeBron loves freaks. He will join the Greek Freak and sign with the Bucks. Then they will sign Rick James to preform every halftime so he can sing LeBron’s favorite song “Super Freak”
詹姆斯喜欢怪物。他会加入希腊怪物，和雄鹿签约。然后他们会签下里克-詹姆斯，在每次半场休息的时候表演詹姆斯最爱的歌曲《Super Freak》(超级怪物)
Minnesota Timberwolves
明尼苏达森林狼
LeBron wants to learn from former MVP Derrick Rose. He also wants to torture his body and allow Coach Thibs to play him all 48 minutes for all 82 games.
詹姆斯想要向前MVP德里克-罗斯学习。他也想磨练他的身体并允许锡伯杜在全部82场比赛里每场打满48分钟。
New Orleans Pelicans
新奥尔良鹈鹕
LeBron loves smoothies. He will join the Brow and sign with the Pelicans, so he can get unlimited smoothies at the Smoothie King Center.
詹姆斯喜欢冰沙。他会加入浓眉，和鹈鹕签约，这样他就可以在冰沙王中心(鹈鹕主场)享受无限的冰沙。
New York Knicks
纽约尼克斯
LeBron loves NY. He will go to New York to sign with the Knicks to play in historic Madison Square Garden. During the drive to the stadium, his driver makes the correct turn and they end up in MSG. LeBron realizes this and signs with the Knicks.
詹姆斯喜欢纽约。他会前往纽约与尼克斯队签约，在历史悠久的麦迪逊广场花园主场作战。在前往球场的路上，司机转对了那个弯，于是他们来到了麦迪逊广场花园。詹姆斯意识到了这点，然后和尼克斯签约。
OKC Thunder
俄克拉荷马雷霆
LeBron will sign with the Thunder so he can play with Russell Westbrook for one season, then leave after that and become an even better player.
詹姆斯会和雷霆签约，这样他就能和威少合作一个赛季，然后离开并变得更好。
Orlando Magic
奥兰多魔术
LeBron will take his talents to Central Florida. He will sign with the Magic and lead them to another Finals lost.
詹姆斯会把他的天赋带到佛罗里达中部。他会和魔术签约然后带领他们拿到又一个总亚军。
Philadelphia 76ers
费城76人
LeBron will sign with the 76ers because he trusts the process. LeBron will single handedly play bad for 3 seasons and tank so that the 76ers will get more draft picks to add to their squad. Then by age 37, LeBron will have what he needs to win another Eastern Conference Finals.
詹姆斯会和76人签约，因为他相信过程。詹姆斯会糟糕地单打3个赛季并摆烂，这样76人会获得更多的高顺位选秀权来补强阵容。然后到37岁，詹姆斯就能获得他需要的阵容并赢下又一次东决。
Phoenix Suns
菲尼克斯太阳
LeBron loves hot-related teams. He will sign with the Suns and win 2 championships to prove to Pat Riley that he isn’t so special with his so called “Heat” for the “Suns” are the hottest thing in the universe.
詹姆斯喜欢与热相关的球队。他会和太阳签约并赢下两个总冠军来证明帕特-莱利和他所谓的“热火”并没有什么了不起，因为太阳才是宇宙中最热的东西。
Portland Trail Blazers
波特兰开拓者
LeBron loves Nike. He will sign with the Blazers so that he can spend his off days at Nike headquarters creating new shoes.
詹姆斯喜欢耐克。他会和开拓者签约，这样他就能在休息的时候去耐克总部设计新鞋了。
注：耐克公司总部位于波特兰。
Sacramento Kings
萨克拉门托国王
LeBron is the King. He will sign with the Kings, because that’s where he belongs.
詹姆斯就是国王。他会和国王签约，因为那才是他的归宿。
San Antonio Spurs
圣安东尼奥马刺
LeBron loves Coach Pop. He will sign with the Spurs to learn from him, only to find out Coach Pop actually has no idea what he’s doing and is just really lucky. LeBron will use that luck to convince Kawhy? To stay and they will win a championship every other year in 2019, 2021, and 2023.
詹姆斯喜爱波波教练。他会和马刺签约来向波波学习，只为了证明波波实际上根本不知道他在做什么，只是真的幸运而已。詹姆斯会用这点来说服伦纳德留下，一起在奇数年2019,2021,2023年赢得总冠军。
Toronto Raptors
多伦多猛龙
LeBron will sign with the Raptors just to check up on them and make sure they are ok.
詹姆斯会和猛龙签约，只是为了探望他们一下并确保他们没事。
Utah Jazz
犹他爵士
LeBron loves jazz. He will sign with Utah only to find out they don’t actually have jazz. He will then force a trade to New Orleans to be close to real jazz and because he remembered that he loves smoothies.
詹姆斯喜欢爵士乐。他会和爵士签约然后发现他们并不喜欢爵士乐。然后他会强迫把自己交易到新奥尔良以接近真正的爵士乐，以及他记得他喜欢冰沙。
Washington Wizards
华盛顿奇才
LeBron loves politics. He will sign with the Wizards so he can play basketball and also become the next president of the United States in 2020.
詹姆斯喜欢政治。他会和奇才签约，这样他就可以一边打球，一边在2020年成为美国的下任总统。
Some of you have been asking for this, so here you go...
有的人一直在问这个，所以接好了……
Seattle Supersonics
西雅图超音速
LeBron won't sign with this team because it doesn't exist.
詹姆斯不会和这只球队签约因为它不存在。