國外也有段子手：看球，練的就是心臟！

米爾納拉卡澤特進球，阿森納1-1利物浦

Shadowoak(未知主隊球迷)：這比賽才看了35分鐘，嚇得我陽壽都快折了5年了…我的小心臟啊！(Only 35' in already shaved off 5 years off my life. My heart!)

Mooud00(利物浦球迷)：那說明你看利物浦的比賽還不夠多…(It seems that you didn’t watch too many Liverpool games.)

REDxSAM(未知主隊球迷)：下次特朗普再想在墨西哥邊境修隔離牆，那不如就直接把萊諾放在那裡得了，因為他本身就是一堵牆！(Next time Trump want to keep Mexican out just drop Leno in because my man is a fucking WALL.)

Johnnyseattle(利物浦球迷)：我還是更喜歡那個比較菜雞的阿森納…(I liked Arsenal more when they were underachieving.)

AleDelPiero10(尤文球迷)：

bo-tvt(阿森納球迷)：每次我們在對方禁區前圍攻10分鐘都不進球的時候，就會立刻被對方反擊進一個….(It's always when we play in the opponent's third for 10 minutes without scoring, we will concede from the very next attack.)

iamPause(利物浦球迷)：埃梅里就像是愛情劇裡邊的悲催男主，明明有個很好的妹子，卻總是把注意力放在工作和賺錢上，最後妹子自然就移情別戀到其他高富帥身上去了…(Emery looks like the jerk in a romantic comedy who has the girl but cares too much about his job and money and ends up losing the girl to the quirky nice guy in the end.)

EasyLif3(未知主隊球迷)：每次都有這麼多球要去撿，阿森納主場的場地管理員得付多少錢才能僱得起啊！(Whatever Arsenal’s groundsman is getting paid, it isn’t enough. Too many balls for them to pick up.)

REDxSAM(未知主隊球迷)：克洛普好像都想把自己換上場，然後去給法比尼奧一拳把他打醒！(Klopp is about to sub himself on so he can suplex Fabinho to get him off asap.)

拉什福德絕殺，曼聯2-1伯恩茅斯

Jassiexgill(阿森納球迷)：這比賽算是不錯的開胃菜，接下來就要去看我廠的小可愛們被利物浦的大肌霸爆錘啦！(This game is a nice appetizer before I get to see the boys get shaken down and smacked by Liverpool’s big cock later.)

Kiyomidesune(曼聯球迷)：解說員還說這不是曼聯應有的表現，我想說的是，我都習慣曼聯這樣的表現了…(commentator "this is not a Manchester United performance so far". I dunno, seems pretty typical to me.)

_Ultimatum_ (未知主隊球迷)：

Elemayowe(曼聯球迷)：盧卡庫曾說過他會親自幫助拉什福德加練射門，也許這就是拉師傅不能射的原因吧…(Lukaku: “I give Rashford extra finishing lessons after training” It all makes sense why Rashford missed now.)

Stukya(利物浦球迷)：從比賽數據上看，伯恩茅斯就像是頂級球隊一樣…(Those Match stats make it look like Bournemouth were massively on top.)

Mr_Lich12(曼城球迷)：美國轉播這比賽插播的廣告竟然是宣傳移民給美國帶來的危害，可在美國看足球比賽最多的不正是移民麼…(That American Ad for protecting America from immigrants lol, I bet most of audients for football matches are immigrants.)

Don_Kahones(阿森納球迷)：為啥每場曼聯比賽球員們看起來都像是從沒一起踢過球一樣啊？(why do the united team look like this is the first time they have played together?)

Sureshot006(紐約紅牛球迷)：曼聯贏球的比賽裡，評論區也就沒人說話了，可要是輸了的話…(Empty thread because United won hahaha, not like when they lose.)

(圖)：博格巴的小碎步會跑多久？

Guuzmen(阿賈克斯球迷)：下次拉什福德進球慶祝的時候，給他配個保鏢確保他不要得牌…(Taking the guard with Rashford to cheer next time.... lol)

t44s(米德爾斯堡球迷)：伯恩茅斯這防守，簡直爛得就像曼聯一樣！(Bournemouth defending like Man Utd there...)

banzaimihai(阿森納球迷)：齊達內去曼徹斯特的航班再一次延誤了！(Zidane's flight to Manchester, delayed again.)

youretheonlyjuan(伊朗球迷)：馬夏爾這冷靜過頭了吧，怕是心率也就個位數…(Martial is so chill he has a resting heart rate in single digits.)

拉莫斯點射，皇馬2-0巴拉多利德

Cr7godlike(未知主隊球迷)：皇馬球員已經開始傳中了，大家都在等C羅過來頂頭球呢！(Madrid player are crossing ball, hoping that Ronaldo would suddenly appear.)

Denzema123(皇馬球迷)：本澤馬射門的時候別瞄大門了，乾脆就瞄著天上踢吧，說不定這樣就能進了…(Benzema could have shot that ball to the sky instead of the inside of the net, maybe it would work.)

fuckthisshit0102(西班牙球迷)：拉莫斯踢右後衛的時候，巴薩對位的先是小羅後是亨利。後來踢中後衛了，結果又碰上了踢偽九號的梅西和正統九號的蘇神，這擱誰不得做噩夢啊…(First Ronaldinho and then Henry when Ramos was RB, then Messi (false 9) and Suarez , damn he must have some nightmares.)

LiamGallagher10(未知主隊球迷)：這才剛剛換完帥，維尼修斯的出場時間就已經超過在洛佩特吉手下的出場時間總和了…(According to the stats, Vinicius is already going to play more time with the new coach than with Lopetegui.)

蘇神絕殺，巴薩3-2巴列卡諾

TheMountain(皇馬球迷)：萬萬沒想到，巴列卡諾也有了虐皇馬5個球的水平…. (hard to believe even Vallecano seems to be able to defeat us with 5 goals.)

mikelin52(巴列卡諾球迷)：其實我們的夢想是有朝一日也能贏皇馬一次10-2…(To be honest we also want a 10-2 to you some day…)

elizarrj(巴薩球迷)：當你有皮神鋒陷陣殺敵的時候，誰還需要梅西呢？(Who needs Messi back when you’ve got in form Striker Pique.)

Bassfaceapollo(巴薩球迷)：直到終場哨響我都不敢鬆開菊花，現在我終於理解利物浦球迷的感受了…(Didn't unclench your butt until the final whistle, now I know what those Liverpool fans meant.)

Skadrys(巴薩球迷)：天吶，這是到了什麼日子，我們竟然在80分鐘前換了個人？(wow, sub before 80. minute, what year is it.)

2one2one2(巴薩球迷)：羅貝託和蘇亞雷斯的連線，彷彿看到了阿爾維斯和梅西連線的影子…(Sergi - Luis connection is on par with Alves – Messi.)

酣暢淋漓，曼城6-1南安普頓

TechnoPug(南安普頓球迷)：至少我們的後衛可是得到了張免費的門票去看強隊踢球！(my club’s defenders got a free ticket to see a great team at least.)

sanjeet94(切爾西球迷)：要不中場就直接結束比賽吧，大家都節約點時間…(Just end the game at Halftime and save everybody's time.)

Wingardium(紐卡斯爾球迷)：住手啊曼城，他們已經死了！(City, stop pls they are already dead…)

Meteorite(南安普頓球迷)：樂觀點看，降級的話至少就不會再踢曼城了…(On the upside, once we get relegated we won't have to play City again!)

SheWantsTwix(墨西哥球迷)：曼城這也不咋樣啊，這比分我和7歲的侄子踢球的時候隨便就能踢出來！(City is a fraud I have scored that goal many

times against my 7 year old nephews. I knew it could even work at the my level.)

Devilscourtsman(切爾西球迷)：就是，我玩FIFA生涯模式的時候也能玩出這樣的結果！(Yep, this is what I have on my FIFA career mode.)

NN77(南安普頓球迷)：長夜漫漫，處處險惡...(The night is dark and full of terrors.)

Computer_User_01(利物浦球迷)：現在唯一的問題是，這比分輸球對南安普頓來說，到底算是憑實力輸球，還是尷尬的慘案…(The only question in my mind is if this is a normal defeat for Southampton or an embarrassing defeat for Southampton.)

莫拉塔佩德羅進球，切爾西3-1水晶宮

MorgratiosFT(切爾西球迷)：現在我們可以說是倫敦城老大了！(We are dominating London now.)

Cr7godlike(葡萄牙球迷)：我早就知道，皇馬真正失去的是莫拉塔而不是C羅！(So it is Morata what Madrid is missing ,not Ronaldo ,always knew that.)

nate517(切爾西球迷)：現在我們只需要再進十幾個球就能追上曼城啦！(Only need 10 more to try and make up Citys.)

WakeUpKevinMiller(巴薩球迷)：一支球隊整場都在陽痿，而換上阿扎爾後10分鐘就能射兩次，趕緊把他藏起來別讓皇馬看見…(So a team that looks impotent all game only needs 10 minutes of Hazard to score twice? Keep that man the fuck away from Madrid please.)

(圖)：願天堂也有足球...

好了，親愛的小夥伴們，本期的“國外也有段子手”就為大家播報到這了，讓我們下期不見不散！

• 消息參考來源: reddit

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關鍵字: 伯恩茅斯隊 拉卡 澤特