01
“Where’d you learn to kiss like that?” She tilts her head and looks down at the cuticles.
“Like what?”
“Like how you do.”
“I learned it from another girl.”
“Ah ... Pity. I thought you taught yourself on your hand.”
“你在哪兒學的這麼接吻？”她仰起頭，垂下眼看著手指甲。
“什麼？”
“就像你剛才那樣。”
“跟另一個女孩學的。”
“是嗎……真遺憾。我以為你無師自通呢。”
02
He doesn't manage to think anything else. She shoves him brusquely into the room, though with a smile that exudes something else.
Shuts the door so the music and the hum disappear, and lies down on the bed. He doesn't lie down but walks around the room a little aimlessly, picks up a Barbie doll with its hair dyed red.
“Do you think she dyed the hair herself, or can you buy them this way? ”
“Come here for a minute, lie down instead and you can play with the dolls later.”
他還來不及多想，她就把他推進了房間，動作粗魯，不過嘴唇上的一抹笑容卻透露出其他意味。
關上門，音樂和嘈雜聲消失了，她躺在床上。他沒有躺下，在房間裡漫無目的地走來走去，拿起一個紅頭髮的芭比娃娃。
“你覺得，是她自己把娃娃的頭髮染成了這樣，還是直接買了這種髮色的娃娃？”
“到這裡來，過來躺下，你可以晚點再玩娃娃。”
03
It’s going to haunt him, he understands that even now. The sweet, stuffy smell in the room, her blotchy face that melts into everything else.
She pulls up his shirt so his stomach shows, then does the same thing to herself and presses her bare midriff against his.
“Skin,”
she says, scrunching her eyes and mouth into the middle of her face.
眼前的這一切會留在他腦海中很久，揮之不去，他現在就已經明白了。屋子裡甜膩、渾濁的氣味，她緋紅的臉頰，融進其他一切紅色之中。
她拉起他的套頭衫—他的肚子露了出來—然後也拉起自己的，把自己的肚皮貼在他的肚皮上。
“肌膚相親。”
她說著，心滿意足地眯起眼睛，嘟起嘴巴。
04
“I thought about you all day today. That I was going to meet you tonight. The expression you would have when you met me. The way I would open my mouth when we kissed, sort of half-open so you would switch in the middle of the kiss and turn it into a French kiss.
How we would walk down the street, which display windows we would stop in front of, and which ones we would just walk by. About all the people who would see us and wonder what fun place we were off to.”
“我今天一整天都在想你。想著晚上就要見到你了。想著見到我時你的模樣，還有我們親吻時我張開嘴的方式。我要把嘴張開一點點，這樣在親吻的過程中，你就可以隨時改變主意，把親吻變成舌吻。
我還在想，我們要怎樣沿著這條路走，在哪些櫥窗前我們要停下來看看，而哪些我們徑直走過去就好了。我想過所有我們可能會遇見的人，以及我們到底要去哪個有趣的地方才好。”
05
Her stomach is wet with sweat, her belly button has turned into a little pool of water; he forms letters with his index finger.
“What are you doing?”
“Writing.”
“What are you writing?”
“Morris was here.”
The sheets make a muffled, rustling noise when she sits up. What he wrote disappears into the folds of her stomach.
她的腹部被汗水浸溼了，肚臍形成了一個小水窪，他用食指在上面寫字。
“你在幹什麼？”
“寫東西。”
“寫什麼？”
“這裡躺著莫里斯。”
她坐了起來，床單下傳出嘎吱嘎吱沉悶的響聲。他寫的字消失在她肚皮的褶皺裡。
06
She wakes up because she laughed in her sleep.
It’s light and sunny out. It’s shining on his face, which looks a little younger when he’s asleep, more open and more relaxed. His mouth is pressed against the pillow, where there’s a little puddle of drool. Shaped like a little heart, she thinks. Under the covers it’s warm and smells like their bodies.
She rubs against him until he wakes up.
她從夢中笑醒了。
天已經亮了，豔陽高照。陽光灑在他的臉上，他睡著的時候看起來像一個孩子，放下了一切防備。他的嘴唇壓在枕頭上，旁邊留下了一小片口水漬。形狀有點像一顆心，她想。被子下面很暖和，散發著他們肢體的氣味。
她用身體去蹭他，直到他醒來。
07
“Sometimes when you look into my eyes I have to look away because it feels like you can see what I’m thinking.”
“Well, I can. Right now you’re thinking about my stomach, here where there’s a little roll of fat.”
“No, I'm thinking that you're a chemist and that I'm your molecules, Morris molecules. You're trying to make a potion out of me, a love potion that you will give to people who don't have any love in their lives.”
“Now you're thinking that my hand is cool and feels nice against your throat.”
“有時你看著我的眼睛，我不得不避開你的目光，我覺得，你好像能看到我在想什麼似的。”
“我確實可以啊。現在你在想，我的肚子鼓鼓的，像個大面包。”
“錯。我在想，你是化學家，我是你的分子，莫里斯分子。你嘗試用我做一種粉末，一種叫愛情的粉末，你要把它送給那些沒有愛的人。”
“現在你在想，我的手涼涼的，放在脖子上可真舒服啊。”
08
“Tell the one about when you punched in the code and you felt like you were melting.” He burrows his head into her armpit with his nose as far in as it will go.
This is how she smells, exactly like this.
“Yeah, I felt so in love, like a melted snowball. And when I went to punch in the code at the front door of your building, I thought about all the times your fingers pressed those numbers there and how those fingers were so lovely in me.”
“And then you stopped outside my door and wondered what you would say when I opened the door.”
“Yeah, even though I never said it.” She turns so they can look into each other’s eyes.
“What were you planning to say?”
“I was planning to say that I was a little nervous.”
“你按門禁密碼時感覺自己快要融化的事，我想再聽你講講。”他把頭埋進她的身體，鼻子鑽進最深處。
她就是這個味道的，一點都沒錯。
“嗯，我感到自己戀愛了，像一隻融化的雪球。我正要去按門禁的密碼，這時我就想到你的手指每次都會在那裡按那些數字，而你的手指探進我的身體裡也是那麼舒服。”
“然後你就站在我的門口，想象我開門時你要說什麼。”
“可是我並沒有把事先準備好的話說出來。”她轉了下身子，這樣他們可以看著彼此的眼睛。
“你當時想要說什麼？”
“我想說，我有點緊張。”
09
They lie hidden on a flat rock on the north shore of Lake Brunnsviken. He looks at her feet submerged in the yellowish water. Her toes look like little cheese curls.
“I used to come here in middle school to sneak cigarettes.” He takes off his socks and dunks his feet in the water so they end up next to hers. “First I took off all my clothes so they wouldn't smell, smoked a cigarette in my underwear, and then went for a swim afterward.”
“Exactly what we're doing now, in other words.”
“Yeah, like now, only lonelier.”
他們躺在深井灣北岸一塊隱蔽的大岩石上。他看見她的雙腳泡在水裡。腳趾像小小的膨化芝士條。
“小學四五年級的時候，我經常躲到這裡來偷偷抽菸。”他脫下襪子，把腳泡進水裡，挨著她的腳邊。“我把所有的衣服都脫掉，避免沾上煙味，然後我只穿內褲抽菸，抽完後就跳下水去洗個澡。”
“就像我們現在這樣吧。”
“嗯，就像現在，不過更孤單一些。”
10
The down that’s all fluffy right where the cheek turns into the throat. It’s almost like it falls off when he touches it; peach fuzz, she calls it. He takes one of her fingers, her index finger, and looks at the nail. The half-scraped-off red nail polish. With his front teeth he nibbles off small flakes that don’t taste like anything, it’s just nice to putz around a little.
“Have you been up in the Eiffel Tower?” he asks, drooling out little red bits.
“Yes, but you already knew that. So why are you asking?”
“What a view, huh? France, as far as the eye can see.”
“Are you making fun of me?”
“Now you’re in for it.” He rolls over on top of her, looks her seriously in the eye until her breathing changes.
從臉頰過渡到脖子的那段肌膚上的小絨毛。
他伸過手去撫摸一下，那些小絨毛好像就要掉落下來；桃毛，她這麼說。他拿起她一根手指，食指，凝視她的手指甲。半剝落的指甲油。他用門牙啃掉了幾小片，好像沒有什麼味道，只是這樣擺弄一下似乎有種溫馨的感覺。
“你上過埃菲爾鐵塔嗎？”他邊問，邊吐出幾片紅色的指甲油。
“上過啊，你知道我上去過。問這個幹什麼？”
“景色美極了，是不是？整個法國盡收眼底。”
“你是在逗我玩嗎？”
“現在要你再體驗一次。”他翻身壓在她身上，嚴肅地盯著她的眼睛，直到她的呼吸變成了另外一種頻率。
11
“Do you remember what you were wearing when we met for the first time?”
“Was it my red-and-black-striped shirt?”
“Yeah, it was. Do you remember the pants?”
“My black cords?”
“Yeah, and you had your nice underwear on because you wanted to wear nice underwear the night you met the love of your life.”
“I don’t remember that.”
“Is that what I am, the love of your life?”
“I’ve only ever been in love with you and with a girl in nursery school named Saba. You win over her.”
“你還記得，我們第一次見面時，你穿著哪件衣服嗎？”
“我那件紅黑條紋的上衣？”
“對，沒錯。你還記得褲子嗎？”
“黑色的燈芯絨褲子？”
“沒錯，裡面還穿了你最漂亮的內褲，因為你想要在遇到真愛的那個晚上穿上最漂亮的內褲。”
“我不記得了。”
“我是你的真愛嗎？”
“我只愛上過你和一個名叫莎芭的幼兒園小孩。你贏了她。”
12
She sits in the bay window with her back to the window and smokes a cigarette with her left hand, her other hand is inside her underwear. From the red leather sofa he can see the contours of the knuckles inside the white cotton like small tapered hills. She takes a puff, turns to face the window, and tosses the butt through the narrow opening.
Walks barefoot over the herringbone parquet to him on the sofa and puts the palm of her right hand over his face, pulls the hand over his face until her fingers reach his mouth and pushes them in. Her fingernails scratch the flesh on the inside of his cheek, and an acidy bitterness spreads through his mouth.
她坐在飄窗上，背對著窗戶，左手拿著一根菸，另外一隻手則放在內褲裡。從紅色皮沙發這裡，他能看到白色的純棉內褲裡的指關節輪廓，像一座座尖尖的小山丘。她狠狠地抽了一大口煙，站起來，轉過身面向著窗戶，把菸蒂從狹窄的窗縫中丟了出去。
她赤著腳走在木地板上，來到他坐的沙發前，整個右手手掌放在他臉上，沿著臉頰向下撫弄，直到手指觸碰到他的嘴唇，把指尖塞了進去。指甲在臉頰上留下了輕微的劃痕，一股酸酸的苦澀味道在他的口中蔓延開來。
13
She’s lying in a puddle on the bathroom floor, wrapped in a black silk robe with a dragon embroidered on it in gold. Her toes and fingers are all curled up. He wants to say that he’s sorry, too, that he dies when he sees her like this. Instead he turns off the bathroom light and lies down next to her, becomes a part of their ball of yarn.
她躺在浴室的一小灘水裡，身上包裹著繡金龍的黑色絲綢睡衣。眼淚和手指絞纏在一起。他想說，他也很難過，他看到她這樣會死的。不過最終，他只是關掉了浴室的燈，並排躺在她身邊，成為這一團亂麻中的一部分。
14
“You know that night we went swimming by City Hall?”
Her eyes twinkle. She’s speaking more straight out into space than to him specifically, as if she’s remembering something out loud.
“Yeah, what about it?”
“I snuck a peek at you while you were getting undressed. I thought, ‘Morris, he’s the only thing glowing in all this darkness.’”
“But there were probably thousands of lights on the other side of the water and over by the subway tracks.”
“I know, but I wasn’t looking in that direction.”
“你還記得我們在市政廳外游泳的那天晚上嗎？”
她的眼中有光在微微閃爍。她更像是對著空氣自言自語，而不是對他說的，好像這在她記憶中佔據著很重要的位置。
“記得，怎麼了？”
“你脫衣服的時候，我在偷偷地看你。
我想，莫里斯是黑暗中唯一的光芒。”
“可是對岸有成千上萬盞燈亮著啊，而且地鐵那邊也有燈光。”
“我知道，但我沒朝那個方向看。”
15
She sits down on his knee in the crowd, flicks her lighter, and holds the flame down toward thegrating.
“Do you see? There’s an old bus pass, one of those big ones with a picture on it. I wonder how long it’s been lying there.”
“Shouldn’t we put something in there, so that our grandchildren can come here and be amazed?“
“No, just a secret sign for the two of us, no grandchildren.” She digs around in her jacket pockets with both hands and pulls out a coin.“ We’ll throw this fifty-.re coin in; that symbolizes eternal love and happiness. We’ll kiss it so a little of each of us sticks to it.”
在熙熙攘攘的人群中，她突然蹲了下來，點燃了打火機，把火苗對著下水道的排水口。
“你看，那裡有一張舊月票卡，那種帶照片的老式大卡片。我很想知道，它躺在那裡多久了。”
“我們要不要也往裡面放件東西呢？這樣我們的孫子孫女就可以來這裡胡思亂想了。”
“不，只是我們兩個人的秘密信物，不要孫子孫女來看。”她雙手在夾克口袋裡摸索了半天，掏出來一枚硬幣。“我們把這枚五角錢的硬幣扔下去，它代表著永恆的愛情和快樂。我們都親吻它一下，這樣它就會帶上我們的印記。”
特別推薦
《比起愛你，我更需要你》
格納·阿德里尤斯 著
中信出版社
2017年11月
閱讀更多 中信書院 的文章
