這個貼是2天前reddit網友上發的，當時看到了就感覺特別有意思，不過美國JRS之聲沒有在虎撲發這篇。當時騎士輸球，我不想發出來被認為開會嘲諷之類的。今天騎士贏了而且週日有空，所以就翻譯了這個貼以及一些高亮的評論，因為英語水平有限，翻譯不到位的地方請大家指出（有些我完全不能理解的梗就沒放上來，有興趣的歡迎去看原帖…）。只是搬運來讓大家開心一下而已，不存在黑誰或者開會，希望大家不要誤會。看球嘛，開心最重要~
Atlanta Hawks
亞特蘭大老鷹
LeBron is secretly a huge Twister fan. He will join the Hawks so he can film Twister 2 with their owner’s wife on their off days.
詹姆斯私下裡是電影《龍捲風》的鐵粉。他會加入老鷹隊，這樣他就可以在休息的時候和球隊老闆的妻子一起拍攝《龍捲風2》。
注：老鷹老闆的妻子是電影《龍捲風》的女主角。
Boston Celtics
波士頓凱爾特人
LeBron misses Kyrie. He wants to play basketball with his friend and that means playing for the Celtics.
詹姆斯想念歐文。他想要和他的朋友歐文一起打球，這意味著為綠衫軍效力。
Brooklyn Nets
布魯克林籃網
LeBron loves NY. He will go to New York to sign with the Knicks to play in historic Madison Square Garden. However, during the drive to the stadium, his driver makes a wrong turn and they end up in Brooklyn. LeBron realizes the mistake, but shrugs his shoulders and signs with the Nets instead, because he will have the same results with either the Knicks or Nets.
詹姆斯喜歡紐約。他會前往紐約與尼克斯隊簽約，在歷史悠久的麥迪遜廣場花園主場作戰。然而在前往球場的路上，司機轉錯了一個彎，他們最終來到了布魯克林。詹姆斯意識到了這個錯誤但只是聳了聳肩，並和籃網簽約，因為二者都在紐約，殊途同歸。
夏洛特黃蜂
LeBron wants to prove he’s better than Michael Jordan. He will sign with the Hornets to taunt MJ directly. He will win the Finals in 2019 with the Hornets and won’t let MJ touch the trophy. After the season, LeBron will buy out MJ’s shares and he will become majority owner. He will then trade himself to a better team because Dwight is too annoying and nobody will agree to LeBron’s trade proposals involving Dwight.
詹姆斯想要證明他比邁克爾-喬丹更強。他會與黃蜂簽約來直接嘲諷喬丹。他會為黃蜂贏下2019年總決賽，然後不讓喬丹摸獎盃。19賽季過後，詹姆斯會買斷喬丹的股份，並變成球隊的大股東。然後他會把自己交易到一個更好的隊，因為火花太煩了，而且沒人同意詹姆斯的包括火花在內的交易方案。
Chicago Bulls
芝加哥公牛
LeBron wants to prove he’s better than Michael Jordan. He will sign with the Bulls so he can win 7 championships to pass what MJ did.
詹姆斯想要證明他比邁克爾-喬丹更強。他會和公牛簽約這樣他就能為公牛贏得7個總冠軍來超越喬丹所做到的。
Dallas Mavericks
達拉斯獨行俠
LeBron is still haunted by the 2011 Finals. He will go to Dallas to learn from the true GOAT Dirk Nowitzki. There, LeBron will lead the Mavs all the way to the number 1 seed in the West, only to lose to the Warriors in the first round after KD leaves for India to re-join his snek charmer friend.
詹姆斯仍然沒有從2011年總決賽的陰影中走出來。他會去達拉斯向真正的史上最佳德克-諾維茨基學習。在那裡，詹姆斯會帶領獨行俠一直衝到西部第一，結果在首輪就被缺少去了印度加入耍蛇朋友的杜蘭特的勇士黑八。
注：此處用了杜蘭特的毒蛇梗和小牛07年被勇士黑八的梗。
Denver Nuggets
丹佛掘金
LeBron loves chicken nuggets. He will sign with Denver, only to be disappointed. He then will retire and start his own chicken nugget company.
詹姆斯愛吃雞(金)塊，他會和丹佛簽約然後大失所望。然後他就會退役然後自己開一家雞塊公司。
Detroit Pistons
底特律活塞
LeBron will become the new Pistons President of Basketball Operations. His first act in his new role will be to sign himself as the head coach/starting SF. His second transaction will be to trade Blake Griffin to the Cavs for the 8th pick in the draft and salary filler, because LeBron will blackmail Dan Gilbert into doing it.
詹姆斯將成為新的活塞隊籃球運營總裁。 他新官上任第一把火將是自己擔任主教練/首發小前。 他的第二筆交易是將布萊克-格里芬交易給騎士隊，並通過勒索騎士老闆得到8號籤和添頭。
Golden State Warriors
金州勇士
LeBron wants all the ringz. He will sign with the Warriors for the veteran minimum so he can win not 1, not 2, not 3, not 4, not 5, not 6, not 7, not 8, not 9, but 10 championships.
詹姆斯想要所有的戒指。他會以老將底薪加盟勇士，這樣他可以贏得不是1個，不是2個，不是3個，不是4個，不是5個，不是6個，不是7個，不是8個，不是9個，而是10個總冠軍。
Houston Rockets
休斯敦火箭
LeBron loves space. He will sign with the Rockets so he can go to NASA and fly an actual rocket into space to find better competition on other planets. Mike Dan Tony will be confused why LeBron doesn’t show up to their games. Mike, he’s in space, deal with it.
詹姆斯喜歡太空。他會和火箭簽約，然後去美國國家航空航天局乘坐真正的火箭進入太空，在其他星球上尋求更棒的競爭。邁克-丹-託尼會對詹姆斯缺席比賽感到困惑。德帥，老詹在太空遨遊呢，快叫他回來打球！
注：Space也指球場上的空間，雙關義
Indiana Pacers
印第安納步行者
LeBron loves pace. He will sign with the Pacers so he can out-pace the other NBA players and win a championship. He will also become best friends with Lance Stephenson and the two will call out plays to each other by blowing in each other’s rear, I mean ear.
詹姆斯喜歡速度。他會和步行者簽約這樣他會比其他球員都快然後贏得總冠軍。他也會和師弟成為最好的朋友，並且兩人會打電話約出來玩，在對方的那裡吹氣。我是說耳朵！
注：步行者(Pacers) Pace一詞也有速度的意思。
LA Clippers
洛杉磯快船
LeBron wants to live in Hollywood, but doesn’t want to be under the shadow of Laker greats. If he can just lead the Clippers to the conference finals, they would rename their franchise LeBron’s Clippers.
詹姆斯想要住在好萊塢，但不想在湖人輝煌的陰影下生活。如果他能帶領快船打入西決，他們會把洛杉磯快船隊改名為勒布朗快船隊。
LA Lakers
洛杉磯湖人
LeBron wants to live in Hollywood, but doesn’t want to be under the shadow of Clipper goods. He also wants to learn from the great Lavar Ball on how to play basketball as good as him.
詹姆斯想要住在好萊塢，但不想在快船產品的陰影下生活。他也想要向偉大的拉瓦爾-鮑爾學習如何打球打得像他一樣好。
注：快船產品寓指微軟，快船老闆鮑爾默是微軟前首席執行官。
Memphis Grizzlies
孟菲斯灰熊
LeBron will not sign with the Memphis Grizzlies.
詹姆斯不會和孟菲斯灰熊簽約。
Miami Heat
邁阿密熱
LeBron will go back to Miami because he left his white headband there and wants it back.
詹姆斯會重返邁阿密因為他把他的白色髮帶落在了那裡，他想要拿回來。
Milwaukee Bucks
密爾沃基雄鹿
LeBron loves freaks. He will join the Greek Freak and sign with the Bucks. Then they will sign Rick James to preform every halftime so he can sing LeBron’s favorite song “Super Freak”
詹姆斯喜歡怪物。他會加入希臘怪物，和雄鹿簽約。然後他們會簽下裡克-詹姆斯，在每次半場休息的時候表演詹姆斯最愛的歌曲《Super Freak》(超級怪物)
Minnesota Timberwolves
明尼蘇達森林狼
LeBron wants to learn from former MVP Derrick Rose. He also wants to torture his body and allow Coach Thibs to play him all 48 minutes for all 82 games.
詹姆斯想要向前MVP德里克-羅斯學習。他也想磨練他的身體並允許錫伯杜在全部82場比賽裡每場打滿48分鐘。
New Orleans Pelicans
新奧爾良鵜鶘
LeBron loves smoothies. He will join the Brow and sign with the Pelicans, so he can get unlimited smoothies at the Smoothie King Center.
詹姆斯喜歡冰沙。他會加入濃眉，和鵜鶘簽約，這樣他就可以在冰沙王中心(鵜鶘主場)享受無限的冰沙。
New York Knicks
紐約尼克斯
LeBron loves NY. He will go to New York to sign with the Knicks to play in historic Madison Square Garden. During the drive to the stadium, his driver makes the correct turn and they end up in MSG. LeBron realizes this and signs with the Knicks.
詹姆斯喜歡紐約。他會前往紐約與尼克斯隊簽約，在歷史悠久的麥迪遜廣場花園主場作戰。在前往球場的路上，司機轉對了那個彎，於是他們來到了麥迪遜廣場花園。詹姆斯意識到了這點，然後和尼克斯簽約。
OKC Thunder
俄克拉荷馬雷霆
LeBron will sign with the Thunder so he can play with Russell Westbrook for one season, then leave after that and become an even better player.
詹姆斯會和雷霆簽約，這樣他就能和威少合作一個賽季，然後離開並變得更好。
Orlando Magic
奧蘭多魔術
LeBron will take his talents to Central Florida. He will sign with the Magic and lead them to another Finals lost.
詹姆斯會把他的天賦帶到佛羅里達中部。他會和魔術簽約然後帶領他們拿到又一個總亞軍。
Philadelphia 76ers
費城76人
LeBron will sign with the 76ers because he trusts the process. LeBron will single handedly play bad for 3 seasons and tank so that the 76ers will get more draft picks to add to their squad. Then by age 37, LeBron will have what he needs to win another Eastern Conference Finals.
詹姆斯會和76人簽約，因為他相信過程。詹姆斯會糟糕地單打3個賽季並擺爛，這樣76人會獲得更多的高順位選秀權來補強陣容。然後到37歲，詹姆斯就能獲得他需要的陣容並贏下又一次東決。
Phoenix Suns
菲尼克斯太陽
LeBron loves hot-related teams. He will sign with the Suns and win 2 championships to prove to Pat Riley that he isn’t so special with his so called “Heat” for the “Suns” are the hottest thing in the universe.
詹姆斯喜歡與熱相關的球隊。他會和太陽簽約並贏下兩個總冠軍來證明帕特-萊利和他所謂的“熱火”並沒有什麼了不起，因為太陽才是宇宙中最熱的東西。
Portland Trail Blazers
波特蘭開拓者
LeBron loves Nike. He will sign with the Blazers so that he can spend his off days at Nike headquarters creating new shoes.
詹姆斯喜歡耐克。他會和開拓者簽約，這樣他就能在休息的時候去耐克總部設計新鞋了。
注：耐克公司總部位於波特蘭。
Sacramento Kings
薩克拉門託國王
LeBron is the King. He will sign with the Kings, because that’s where he belongs.
詹姆斯就是國王。他會和國王簽約，因為那才是他的歸宿。
San Antonio Spurs
聖安東尼奧馬刺
LeBron loves Coach Pop. He will sign with the Spurs to learn from him, only to find out Coach Pop actually has no idea what he’s doing and is just really lucky. LeBron will use that luck to convince Kawhy? To stay and they will win a championship every other year in 2019, 2021, and 2023.
詹姆斯喜愛波波教練。他會和馬刺簽約來向波波學習，只為了證明波波實際上根本不知道他在做什麼，只是真的幸運而已。詹姆斯會用這點來說服倫納德留下，一起在奇數年2019,2021,2023年贏得總冠軍。
Toronto Raptors
多倫多猛龍
LeBron will sign with the Raptors just to check up on them and make sure they are ok.
詹姆斯會和猛龍簽約，只是為了探望他們一下並確保他們沒事。
Utah Jazz
猶他爵士
LeBron loves jazz. He will sign with Utah only to find out they don’t actually have jazz. He will then force a trade to New Orleans to be close to real jazz and because he remembered that he loves smoothies.
詹姆斯喜歡爵士樂。他會和爵士簽約然後發現他們並不喜歡爵士樂。然後他會強迫把自己交易到新奧爾良以接近真正的爵士樂，以及他記得他喜歡冰沙。
Washington Wizards
華盛頓奇才
LeBron loves politics. He will sign with the Wizards so he can play basketball and also become the next president of the United States in 2020.
詹姆斯喜歡政治。他會和奇才簽約，這樣他就可以一邊打球，一邊在2020年成為美國的下任總統。
Some of you have been asking for this, so here you go...
有的人一直在問這個，所以接好了……
Seattle Supersonics
西雅圖超音速
LeBron won't sign with this team because it doesn't exist.
詹姆斯不會和這隻球隊簽約因為它不存在。
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